How Do I Live

[LoveNeverDies]

How do I live when the one who I lived for is gone?

How do I go on when I loved you more than life itself?

How am I supposed to sleep at night without your arms around me?

How am I supposed to breathe ,when I just want to be with you? 

 

[KayC]

One moment at a time, Sweetie.  One moment at a time.  I do it still.

[foreverhis]

Yes, one day and one minute at a time.  I think that's how I will probably always be.  We are here; we understand; we care.  Please keep talking and questioning, and know that the members here are here because we were lucky enough to find our soulmates.  But with that deep connection and love comes this deep agonizing pain of grief.

[Diane R. E.]

Does anyone else have more difficulty during certain parts of the day? Afternoons are the hardest for me - such a long expanse of time! In the morning it's easy to stay busy doing household chores, and in the evening I can be distracted by TV or a movie. (Although I do sometimes breakdown during those times too.) I am retired, and since my husband was as well, we had many plans to fill our retirement together. (We were married for 37 years and had just retired to Arizona.) I go on trying to move forward because that is what he would want for me, which I know was also the case for each of your partners.

[LoveNeverDies]

Late mornings and early afternoon seems to be the hardest for me, it’s when the loneliness hits and I’m alone with my thoughts. I have to go back to work at some point, but at this point I have a hard time getting motivated to do anything.

[SharedLife]

4 hours ago, Diane R. E. said:

Does anyone else have more difficulty during certain parts of the day?

I often have the most difficulty at bedtime. My mind won't shut down and often floods with memories and grief. I sometimes have to be exhausted in order to fall asleep.

[Dawn Lee]

The evening and nights are the worst. Miss the hugs and cuddles. I miss not being able to share my day.

[Meloncholy]

Does anyone else have more difficulty during certain parts of the day? Afternoons are the hardest for me - such a long expanse of time! In the morning it's easy to stay busy doing household chores, and in the evening I can be distracted by TV or a movie. (Although I do sometimes breakdown during those times too.) I am retired, and since my husband was as well, we had many plans to fill our retirement together. (We were married for 37 years and had just retired to Arizona.) I go on trying to move forward because that is what he would want for me, which I know was also the case for each of your partners.

Nights are the worst for me....so dark and lonely[emoji22]


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[KayC]

19 hours ago, Diane R. E. said:

Does anyone else have more difficulty during certain parts of the day?

Evenings/weekends were my hardest as that was our time and I had to return to work right after his funeral so it occupied, thankfully, much of my daytime.  I didn't know what to do or how to handle it come my down time.  We were always together, now I was alone.  I've grown more used to it, not that I like it any more.  My puppy helps.  I'm retired now so one day pretty much the same as another...always alone.  Esp. this year, am hating this year.  The pandemic has hit all of us for the worse, I'm afraid.

[foreverhis]

19 hours ago, SharedLife said:

I often have the most difficulty at bedtime. My mind won't shut down and often floods with memories and grief. I sometimes have to be exhausted in order to fall asleep.

Me too.  I've gotten to the point where I rarely bother trying to just "go to bed" in our bedroom.  I'm actually a little afraid of it because every time I do, I toss and turn and my busy, busy brain won't shut the heck up.  Instead, I put something on the TV softly in the background, generally something I've watched before so I don't have to think about it.  Then I take my anti-anxiety medication (low dose alprazolam; I'm no longer afraid to admit that it helps) and lie on the sofa until I can fall asleep.  Eventually I haul myself up and go to bed, where I usually get another 4-6 hours for 6-8 total.  This not enough because of my medical conditions, but is much better than at the beginning when I could barely sleep at all. 

If your doctors offer medication to help you through, please don't fight against it.  I did and wish I hadn't.  Our internist is not a pill pusher.  He's been our doctor for 20 years, so he knows how deeply connected my husband and I were/are.  He prescribed a basic clinical dose anti-depressant, which was simply increasing a medication I take at 1/2 dose for my auto-immune conditions, along with the alprazolam.  I felt like I was already taking enough medication because of my conditions. He looked me square in the eye and said, "I prescribe these medications for you for a reason."  That was enough make me think twice about fighting him further.

I've also logged on here in the middle of sleepless nights because sometimes just writing out what I'm feeling or experiencing to people who I know get it helps calm my mind.

[LMR]

I too used to fall asleep on the sofa. The tv was never off, even now it is on all day until I go to bed, its less lonely. I watch programs that I have seen two or three times before.

The first time I made it to bed I went to the spare room. My back was aching and I knew I had to stretch out. I only slept about 2 hours. Then I had a thought that maybe if I was in our bed I would feel him hold me so I switched rooms. Every night I would tell myself that I was going to wake up in the morning and this would all be a nightmare. 

Now I have hit bottom again, crying all the time but I make myself go to bed because I know another night on the sofa will set me back. This is all so hard.

[Maria_PI]

Nights are the worst - waking up at 3 am and feeling cold and lonely. And the quiet stillness of everything. Just the worst! Thank goodness for sleeping pills. Now I learn that taking melatonin is not good, because it disrupts the natural production of this hormone in the body, so trying to find a substitute. But can’t go without something.


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[Sparky1]

First thing I do in the morning is turn the tv on so there's background noise. I don't even watch it until late evening for a bit until I go to bed. Sleeping is also hard as I wake up after a few hours of sleep and then my mind goes into overdrive thinking of my wife. I've tried melatonin but it only gives me headaches and makes me sleep less. Benadryl is good but it really only makes you groggy and you don't get a deep sleep. I'm trying out a new natural sleep aid I got at the health food store. It's called ValeriCalm and seems to help but I've only started a few days ago and I'm playing around with the dosage to determine the best result.

[KayC]

21 hours ago, foreverhis said:

If your doctors offer medication to help you through, please don't fight against it.  I did and wish I hadn't. 

I did too.  Now I realize I made it harder on myself in so doing.  I am on 50 mg Trazodone and low dose Buspar (doesn't alter your brain but takes the edge off anxiety, which I've always had).   Whatever helps!

[SharedLife]

On 12/10/2020 at 3:25 PM, LMR said:

Now I have hit bottom again

Maybe it's cycical. I've experienced ups and downs and lately it's down again. Could be because of the upcoming holiday and (for me) an anniversary. I think I finally fell asleep at about 5:30 a.m.last night.

[AlwaysTogether]

Nights are the worse for me. Time to go to the bed.. the our bed. Our cozy bed was always full of love, smiles, kisses, mornings, and the bed where I put my heat in his arm to rest. Now is cold, lonely, empty.. night is full of nightmares and I wake up looking the phone to see if I have a messages of him. Reality is not clear during nigth

[KayC]

18 hours ago, SharedLife said:

Could be because of the upcoming holiday and (for me) an anniversary.

Definitely, holidays & anniversaries trigger us big time.

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/p/h.html

There's a thread here on holidays