Where to go with grief after initial death?

[Wallflowerette]

This is the first time in my life that I have lost someone that I care deeply about, my father. He passed away on 11/25/20 from Covid and I feel so grateful I was one of the few visitors able to see and talk to him. I feel so grateful the nurses in the ICU allowed us to be there in his final moments in a Zoom meeting. My father was a strong and positive man; it broke my heart to see him in so much pain. He was a nurse before he retired this past April, so he knew he was dying. He refused to be put on life support and when his body could no longer breath on it's own and his organs started failing, he made the last choice that he had control over. He, still coherent, decided to not drag his death out. He was surrounded by machines and we weren't allowed in. The nurses had to sneak my mom in, so he wouldn't die being surrounded by strangers. I think this was the most difficult thing I've gone through and I had a rough childhood.

We cremated his body and instead of a funeral, had a bonfire/zoom meeting with my siblings and mom. We got to say our goodbyes and stories and sadness there. I think he would have wanted it that way instead of dumping thousands of dollars into a depressing funeral. After helping my mom with legal things, getting Covid tested myself, I find myself back home in my own city. Work starts up again and I find myself at a loss. What do I do with all these emotions now? I don't feel like speaking with others outside my close family and I dread hearing a "How are you?" or anything more inquiring than "Sorry for your loss". I know I will fall into my usual pattern, but where do I go from here?

[tessa]

Hi Wallflowerette,
I'm so sorry for your loss
What I did was just to take one day at a a time and let time heal.
One day at a time for over a year
Just take one day at a time, time will heal
It will never be the same again but what can we do but to keep moving on.
All the best

[Monty]

Hi, 
I agree with Tessa. One day at a time putting one foot in front of the other. Some days it is a win to just get out of bed and be present in your life. 
I know what you mean about the dreaded question ‘How are you?’ If that question is from someone I know really cares about me I give them the truthful answer. I am a mess. 
You will experience aftershocks which is completely normal. Run with it and feel what you need to feel. 
You have been through a lot. Be kind to yourself and do what feels right for you. 

[CuddlyKid]

I am so so sorry. That must hurt so much.

My Dad died on 10/28/2020. I live in NY and he died in Texas. You and I share similar stories though our pain is unique.

I am in a similar place.

I keep asking the same question. And the answers have been harsh but real: you just do.

I hate that answer. 

And thank you thank you thank you for sharing I feel much less alone.

[BEQUET93]

My condolences for the loss of your father. I tried to accept that many people do want to help and were going to ask me how I was doing. I have been back at work since November 9th and they still ask, though less frequently. If someone asks and you don't feel comfortable, you don't have to talk about it. Everyone experiences loss differently, but many adults have experienced at least one significant loss and will understand. My best to you, your mom, and your siblings.

[reader]

Dear wallflowerette,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. Be kind and gentle with yourself and like the others have said keep taking it moment by moment and day by day. That is all any of us can do during such difficult and sad time.

Please know you are not alone. And if you want to there is additional supports in the community, through church or online like this forum and others like Grief in Common and Grief Healing Blog.

My thoughts are with you and your family.