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Its exactly 72 hours since I lost my amazing 29 month old twin boys


mybois

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72 hours ago my heart was ripped out from my body.  A very close friend of both my husband and myself lost her dad.We left Friday evening to attend the funeral and were returning Saturday Shortly before returning home we got a call to say there's been a accident at our home and my Grandsons had slipped into the family pool. Just before we got home we got a call saying they passed away . 

I am a young grandma, my daughter fell pregnant at the age of 19 and went to stay with family. She was not ready to be a mom and left me with my grandkids from birth. I lived , breathed and created a new lifestyle that revolved completely around them. I worked really hard to try give them everything I possibly could , love, care and a good home as well as spoil them to the best of my ability. They became everything to me. I couldn't be with them all the time and they were in preschool from 7am to 3Pm and I had a live in Nanny, who did absolutely nothing while they were at school but helped me on weekends and after school. 

When I left home she stayed with my 3 other kids, aged 12, 20. and 22. Upon reviewing the CCTV footage, we found that the kids went to the store and she was with the kids. She sat with them for five minutes watching television, she went to answer her phone and walked to the pool area , while on the phone she ;eft the pool gate open and walked upstairs leaving our precious babies alone downstairs, they walked outside and both went into the pool area and were speaking to each other at the end of the pool. After sitting by the pool and chatting they got up and one of them slipped in. The other ran towards the house and found no help and went back to the pool and tried to pull his brother but he slipped in. I lost both my babies. The nanny only put the phone down after 55 minutes and went to look for them. By this time they were in the water for 48 minutes. I am a complete wreck

 

My boys were my life. All I want is for them to return to me. Im empty shallow and heart broken. I had to run an errand today and walked into a shop, its been the hardest thing. I have never gone in without buying for my boys. Im a mess. I feel like I murdered my grandkids. Why was I not home. I cannot  be breathing and they not. I cannot even face my daughter or comfort her, regardless if she was present in their life or not. I hate myself. I cannot imagine the pain they were in. 

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I am so sorry for your losses. There are no words to bring you comfort but you should know that this was not your fault. You left the kids in the care of someone that was supposed to be watching them and she failed you and failed them. The camera footage speaks for itself. This is truly tragic and could only imagine your pain. Please find help and support and most importantly take care yourself.


Sent from my iPhone using Grieving.com

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