When?

[LoveNeverDies]

When do you go back to work? 
When do you go through his/ her belongings? 
 The only place I’ve been since he died last Friday is the funeral home, I’m so afraid that I’ll hear a song or see something that reminds me of him and have a breakdown in public. My daughter told be she needs something at the store, and I’m just petrified to go out. I feel like I’m going insane

 

 

 

[Diane R. E.]

Hello LoveNeverDies; I am so very sorry for your loss. My husband passed away 8 weeks ago, and I had feelings like yours. Please know that you are not going insane! You will find so much helpful information and support on this site. I'm retired, so didn't have to worry about going back to work, but it does mean I have to find ways to stay busy. At first, I couldn't go through my husband's personal items without feeling lightheaded. Slowly I have been able to start going through some of his things and decide what he would want me to donate. But timing for this is unique to everyone and your loss is so new that I encourage you not to worry about it right now. When I first ventured out I was able to control myself in the store but often broke down the second I got back in the car. Others on this site that are further out from their loss will no doubt have some good advice for you. I wish you some small measure of comfort.

[jmmosley53]

Hello Loveneverdies,

Go back to work when you have to.  Go through his things when you are able to.  

I know going out in public is frightening.  However, so what if you have a breakdown in public.  What is the worst that can happen.  If you cry, bring tissues in your pocket. Someone might ask are you okay?  Tell them no, I'm having a grief moment.  If you faint, someone will pick you up or call 911.  I have had times when I fell apart in stores and people were very kind.  Some told me of their loss, others have just asked if they could bring me some water or something.

No one said "shut up you stinking cry baby"  so don't worry about it.

[KayC]

I'm so sorry, I know how hard the process is, going back to work is individual, depends on your financial situation, how you're feeling about it, and how hard the company you work for is pressing for it.  I had to go in on day five and do payroll!  I knew it was a hardship for me to be away much, but work was the last thing on my mind at the time.  I was broke, my sister paid for the cremation (I returned the favor when her husband died recently) and I went back full time at two weeks.  I had some meltdowns, I was fortunate that my boss and coworkers were so understanding.  

Try to give yourself the gift of patience and understanding.  Is there someone who could go to the store for you?  A neighbor, friend, family member?  My daughter got groceries for me the first couple of months, I think I cried the whole way when I finally went.  It was something we always did together and made a fun day of, living 50 miles away from shopping, we'd get someone to eat out as well and enjoyed our time together.  VERY hard to do alone!  I'm used to it by now, but back then, it was tough.

My boss had someone speak to the employees about what to expect and how to respond, he was the sweetest boss in the world and that was very helpful.  A few months later our business went down, beginning of recession, I wasn't so fortunate the next time.

[Gail 8588]

Love never dies, 

As others have said, finances and such may dictate when you return to work. But expect that there will be days that you fall apart at work. It happens.

Going out to places that John and I had gone to together was hard for me to face.  I found that the first time I went to a store or place John and I had frequented, I would breakdown in tears.  But the second time I went to that pizza place or dentist, or farmers market, etc, I could hold myself together.  Even now, nearly 4 years later, if I bump into someone who doesn't know John died, I will tear up telling them. But the next time I see them I am okay. 

As JMMosley wrote, it's okay if you breakdown crying in a store. Most people are quite kind about it. 

Gail

[Carmen20]

I am so sorry for your loss. This takes time. I lost my husband 5 months ago and went back to work a month later. I thought i was ready but I wasn’t. I pushed through but my job is very understanding of my situation plus I work from home now. It really depends on your financial situation and well being. Everyone does things differently when going through their stuff. It is still so fresh and raw for you. Take your time, you will get there. Right now... focus on you.


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