Dreading the Holidays without Mom

[Gigi721]

My beautiful mother’s beautiful heart stopped beating on December 13 of last year & I am filled with overwhelming sadness today after celebrating Thanksgiving with my husband & children yesterday. The heartache is unbearable & I felt like I was doing better before Thanksgiving. She went into the hospital the Monday before Thanksgiving last year, the day before my husband was starting chemo, & never came home. I guess the anniversary & the thought of Christmas without her is making me so incredibly sad. I am so grateful my husband is in remission & I have a beautiful family but try not to let them know that I’m struggling & miss my mother so much. They think because she was 90 I should be able to move on but some days the sorrow just makes it hard to breathe. Because my husband is immune system is so compromised we have pretty much been isolated from most of the family & friends for a year. Not able to go in stores, restaurants, etc. has also been very depressing. 

[Lucas]

what if you asked some family to mail you one or two memories they have about your mother, you can then crumple them up or put them in tiny envelopes and then put them in a jar. Ask your husband and kids to do the same and everyday until the week of Christmas you do the same, just write down one tiny memory. Then the week of Christmas or even next year, you can open these memories and take a look, it's a nice way to feel closer to those we have lost during the holidays. I did this once, I kind of half assed it and only had like 4 memories, it got too emotional to write, but it was still a nice thought. I think I may do it for real this year. 

[Missyp09]

My mother passed away in February and it’s been such a terrible year! I feel like we have had so much death surrounding our life, my husband’s mother passed away in October of last year and his father 2 years before that! 
Thanksgiving was just so subdued and quiet with lots of tears that I just don’t know if I can handle Christmas! I forced myself to decorate it is way scaled back but I know mom loved Christmas so I did it but I cried the whole time I was doing it, I just don’t even think I have it in me to do anything else 

[Hitorichan13]

I lost my mom in January. Christmas was her thing. I've been living on my own for 6 years and never put up a tree because she lived across the street and we just did it there. This year my dad gave me all of her Christmas decorations and tree to put up. I cried the whole time putting it up. I couldn't even decorate it. Luckily my boyfriend and daughter decorated it for me while I did other decorations. I've been trying to get my dad and nephew together for Christmas because its what my mom would want but its probably not happening due to Covid and the fact that my nephew and my dad can't stand each other. My therapist is having me write a letter to my mom. I haven't started it yet because I am absolutely dreading it considering just thinking about Christmas without her I burst into tears. It sounds like it might help.... I mean its only been a few weeks with this therapist but she hasn't steered me wrong yet