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My Soul....HELP!!


ghall26

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I Lost My Beautiful Husband Of 28 yrs. to Cancer in Jan. 2010--------------------------

I don't know where to start------ my husband of 28 yrs. died of cancer Jan. 22, 2010------

He was my soul mate, my rock, my like, my everything!!

He was in another state helping his dad when he died, I found out by voice-mail!!

I drove up there by myself, (Never did that before--my husband always drove!!)

and get there and was told I came for no reason, to go home, I wasn't allowed to see him before he was cremated, I was told if I showed up to the funeral, and burial of his ashes, I would be arrested, I wasn't even mentioned in the obituary!!

They know how much we loved each other and he would be so mad at how the love of his existence was treated!!

We were each others reason to even be here on this earth--------------------- now he's GONE.... and I'm so alone, I feel like I have a hole in my chest the size of the universe!!

as I sit here and type this I can't even do it without crying, I cry all the time it hurts so bad!!!!

we NEVER went a day in 28 yrs, without talking on the phone, e-mailing when he wasn't here, or being with each other in person!! Every day I would check my e-mail and have at least 10 e-mails from him, when he was out of town, wishing me a great day and how much he loves & misses me--now-----NOTHING!!

Since I was his wife--I requested a copy of his death certificate and it' lists----

Esophageal cancer, he only knew he had it for 4 days then he got cardiogenic shock for 12 hrs and died, his family won't talk to me so I don't know if anyone was with him when he died, or did he die alone, did he suffer, (GOD I PRAY he didn't!!) But these are things I NEED to know!!

My Brother & Mom tell me I need to just move on and "Suck It Up" that they understand why I feel this way but that I can't live the rest of my life like this!!

I want to be with him sooooooooooo BAD!!

Please help me, I don't know where else to go--I have no one anymore!!!!

I have a whole list of stuff he had-----he went in by ambulance with a GI Bleed, severe nausea, tarry stools, vomiting and vomiting blood.

Another Question-----------

WHY is it that all these people talk about dying and coming back and also "Seeing & Talking" to their loved ones and friends that have passed on-----------

WHY can't I??????

I see every single day where people have been in contact with their loved ones!!!!

WHY Can't I see and talk to my husband???????????

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