Shane

[cruzer17013]

Missing You so much today. I can't wait to be with You. Hope I can make it. I asked Father Ken if you can see everything we do down here and He said He didn't think so, cause You would never have peace. Which makes sense. Thanks for visiting me in my dream the other night. Come again soon. Love, Dad

[shorty16]

Shane's Dad

Why does Father Ken think your beautiful son would never have peace? That does not make sense to me. Even the children who take themselves by suicide have peace in our forgiving Lord's eyes.

Each of our children are a gift from God. God knew us before we were conceived and He knew how we would also die. The Lord is a forgiving Lord and all our children will find peace with Him.

Peace to you also Shane's Dad

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[cruzer17013]

Shane's Dad

Why does Father Ken think your beautiful son would never have peace? That does not make sense to me. Even the children who take themselves by suicide have peace in our forgiving Lord's eyes.

Each of our children are a gift from God. God knew us before we were conceived and He knew how we would also die. The Lord is a forgiving Lord and all our children will find peace with Him.

Peace to you also Shane's Dad

Colleen, Brian's Mother For

thanks for responding Brian's Mother. I guess Father Ken believes people do bad things on earth and and in Heaven it is all good and no evil. I really don't know.. I am questioning my faith sense the accident and keep searching for answers. I don't want to feel this way but have no control over it. Shane was My life and when He passed I lost all faith in most everything. Nothing gives me pleasure anymore. I feels as if I am just waiting to die, but without faith I will never be with Shane again. This is torture.

[shorty16]

Shanes Dad

Yes, right now this is torture. Please be kind to yourself. It does get better with time and much work on your part. I have been on this grief journey for over 3 years and I am here to tell you that it does get better. Right now you are trying to find answers to questions that have no answer - for us right now on this earth.

My son died car-surfing. What the heck is that? His "friend" was driving 68 mph with my son on the hood of the car. Brian's "friend" is now a convicted felon and Brian is dead. What answers do I get from that???

For me, I reached a point where I just did not want to be sad all the time any more, so I looked for the little things in life that brought me happiness. A flower in bloom. A good book, talking on this site with people who know how I feel.

For me, the second year after Brian's death was worse than the first. The first year the physical pain was unbearable and the shock and just trudging through life was what I did. The second year the reality of his loss hit me hard and I just did not want to live anymore.

I started trying to "turn the channel" in my brain when the sad, unbearable thoughts came to my head. This does not work all the time, but it helped.

Helping others through this nightmare also helps me. Please be kind to yourself. No answer to any of our questions will bring our boys back. Seeing the good in the world, talking to our boys and the Lord, and helping others may also help you.

Be kind to yourself. I also need to take my own advise. The guilt involved with Brian's death was and sometimes still is overwhelming for me. What kind of parent am I that my kid thought car-surfing was a good idea?

You will feel better, I promise, but it takes work on our end. It takes the willingness to (just for one minute) look for something to make us happy. That one minutes turns into 2 and so on. The process is slow and we do backslide.

Please, take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself and just find one thing to make you smile today - just one.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[Toby'sMom]

Hi Shane's Dad,

I am Cheryl, Toby's Mom. Toby died 4 months ago at 18 years old, in a car accident. The sadness, guilt, forever-ness is unbearable. It saddens me to hear that Father Ken would provide information that provides no comfort. We have so much other sadness to deal with.

I read a book since my son's passing called Love Wins by an evangelical minister by the name of Rob Bell. I am not a very religious person, and what intrigued me about this book is all of the uproar it caused. The basic premise is that in the end God is a loving God, and Love always wins in the end - there is no hell. I have to beieve that a truly loving God loves all of us, no matter what, despite everything.

I am so sorry that you have to bear this agony too.

Cheryl

[mikesmum]

David - So sorry you lost Shane, so sorry you have found yourself on this journey of grief. The feelings you describe I can honestly say are felt by each parent on this site.

Our beliefs are challenged if not albeit shattered. How our child died becomes insignificant when we face our lives without them.

For me if I have to be without Mike, I need to believe in my heart that he has his peace now. I also believe that he is not a spent force no longer present, but part of a larger picture that takes in nature and all its beauty..

The ache of longing will ease, but never be gone, just as your love for Shane never ever ends....

Trudi....

[cruzer17013]

I might have misunderstood Father Ken. I think He was trying to tell me that Shane is at peace now. If the deceased saw everything we did how could they have peace. I have so many questions with no answers. I guess they only way to find out is to die.

[Susie_q512]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and pain. I recently lost my 16 year old daughter, Shannon, in a car accident. I am thankful that I do have faith, and wonder how one without spiritual beliefs could bear this terrible loss. As a person of the Christian faith, I find myself angry and frustrated at the belief that my daughter is so far removed from me. Many speak of the "great gulf fix" that separates the living from the dead. I believe this "divide" is misunderstood. In scripture, it refers to lost souls being separated, not "every" soul being separated. I believe that there is no divide between Heaven and Earth. I believe that our loved ones can check in on us and be around us. I believe they have peace because they see the "bigger picture" and have gained knowledge far beyond our human capacity to understand and comprehend. God is love....unconditional and unwavering. I could not bear this loss if I believed that I would be spiritually separated from my daughter for the rest of my lifetime, or if I had no belief in the afterlife.

My faith is being challenged, as I am sure your faith has or is still being challenged. I hope that you find comfort and peace along your journey. I am so very sorry that you and the other's visiting this site have had to experience such great loss and sorrow. I am new in my journey, and I'm unsure how to forge ahead, but I am very thankful that I have the belief that Shannon is not lost to me completely. I will be praying for you and others on this site.

Susan - Shannon's Mom