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Hi everyone,

Just wanted some help/advice to see if I am a shitty husband or not.

Long story short my wife and I legally got married on November 11/2011 but we have always counted our anniversary as November 15 as that is when we got married on our destination wedding and started dating.

Today, is the 11th and yesterday she told me have dinner with your friend since your going there as I will be working late. Today my parents asked if we wanted to come over, I messaged her asking her and she said I will likely be working late as I have 2 projects due tomorrow. I said okay no problem. I went to my friends house. We had exactly 3 drinks and she messaged me saying she’s on her way home. I told her I’ll leave in 20 min as we were making food so I can take it home to her.

I got home and it was all hell. I got in trouble because I had 3 drinks, there was no food on the table as today was our anniversary (as stated before we always celebrate the 15th), and she got home alone and I was literally 20 min behind her. 

Know I feel bad and guilty even though she told me she will be working late, and I did not message her as I did not want to bother her. I even dropped of roses for her today at her work.

I have made reservations at a nice restaurant for Sunday the 15th but would like some advice if I was in the wrong or how I could fix this I don’t want 9 years of marriage to go down the drain over some miscommunication.


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There's no reason to lose a marriage over a single night's disagreement. My advice would be to stop fixating on who was right or wrong and instead work to restore open communication between you and your wife. And you can do this by speaking honestly - without anger and without blaming - about your own feelings and asking her to do the same. And then really listening to what she says. Sometimes when people react with emotion that seems disproportionate to the situation, it's because the situation triggered old and deep feelings about loss, betrayal, abandonment, etc. If this is the case, becoming aware of the pattern can be helpful for both people. 

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