Waiting....

[Faith1989]

Do you ever sit at home waiting for your loved one to walk through the door?! I do, every single night! I wouldnt even be mad at this point if it was some joke on me or if she just had to get away and take a long vacation, even though I know its not the truth because I'm the one who found her!!! I still sit here waiting for her. We had her celebration of life over the weekend and it took alot out of me and then yesterday was my first day back to work in almost a month th since she left. I just sit and wonder what she's doing or if she's ok! Going back to work I thought would maybe be nice but I sit there and wait to for her to bring me my midday coffee and lunch or for her to just surprise me to take me to lunch! So it just sucks anywhere I go! All I do is see her and feel her presence or im waiting for her to come through door and hug me and kiss me. I wait for her to text me all day long at work to see how my days going or where do we want to go to dinner or if where going on an adventure this weekend! Why does **** like this happen to such an amazing person, my love, my rock, my twinflame in life!!!

[Missy1]

I do still after 9 months, then I see my box of ashes and think what am I waiting for? Still I wait, his clothes, shaving kit, jackets all exactly where he left them, I wait...I can’t give up, I won’t! It keeps me afloat in this world, we, us a united front against the cruel world.

[SSC]

Not that it’s any consolation guys, but I’m still waiting.  Over 2 years and I’m still adrift not knowing what to do and not truly believing he’s gone and I’m alone.  His things are still in our home, not moved.  I’ve just spread my stuff into his.  I can’t get rid of it because it proves he is part of my life still.  Is this healthy?  I don’t know and I don’t care.  I still hope to be reunited soon even tho I know it won’t happen here.

[Yoli]

SSC

I believe that whatever you feel you want to do with your loved things is "healthy". Whether it be leave them as they are now or donate. It is no one's decision but yours. If they bring you comfort then that is all that matters.

I have only donated some stuff that I know Indy did not wear because they still had the tags on them. To make it a bit more bearable I donated some of my clothes at the same time. All the while I was talking to her assuring her that they were going to people who were in need.

The stuff she wore is another story. I am keeping them.

[Maria_PI]

Not that it’s any consolation guys, but I’m still waiting.  Over 2 years and I’m still adrift not knowing what to do and not truly believing he’s gone and I’m alone.  His things are still in our home, not moved.  I’ve just spread my stuff into his.  I can’t get rid of it because it proves he is part of my life still.  Is this healthy?  I don’t know and I don’t care.  I still hope to be reunited soon even tho I know it won’t happen here.

Wow! I feel exactly the same! Can’t let go of his stuff, his toothbrush, shaving kit, shampoo - still in the same place. Even started wearing his gown, bathrobe, his watch and anything that would give me the illusion of his presence and touch. His guitars and music scores are as he left them in the studio and sometimes I just sit there on the practice chair and wait for him to play for me... It’s only been 5 months but it feels like eternity. I watched that series “Dead to me” soon after my husband passed and the widow there entered her husband’s studio to clean it up only after three months, so then I thought maybe after three months I will gather the strength to start sorting things out and donating or selling things. But here I am, 5 months and counting not only am I not getting rid of stuff, I am actually finding comfort in that stuff lying around everywhere. Thank you for sharing!


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[jmmosley53]

Immediately after my loved one's death - started giving family items to his nieces and nephews.  I could not bear the sight of his things so I put a lot away in drawers and boxes.  Everything I saw was causing meltdowns.  I kept 2 weeks worth of his clothes, 2 pair of shoes, watch and shaving stuff, just in case this is a horrible nightmare and he comes walking through the door.  I still hold out the chance 7 months after his death. 

This is a very hurtful topic for me, I guess I was pretending I knew he had passed away.

[KayC]

22 hours ago, SSC said:

His things are still in our home, not moved.  I’ve just spread my stuff into his.  I can’t get rid of it because it proves he is part of my life still.  Is this healthy?  I don’t know and I don’t care.

I can't touch George's shop and it's been 15 years.  His hat is still hanging on a hook in our front entryway.  I still have his robe hanging on our bathroom door, his jacket hanging on our closet door hook.  It doesn't hurt anything and no grief police are going to come inspect our home.  Yes I said "our home."    And it's been over 15 years.  Does it hurt anything?  No!  It can be there the rest of my life and my kids can toss everything when I too am gone.  If it brings me comfort, that's all that matters.  Do I kids myself he's coming back?  No, I long ago realized that wasn't happening.  I remember telling my son, "I looked everywhere in the house, he's NOT HERE!"  

[Faith1989]

I haven't been able to do anything with anything! I can't touch it. I find it hard to touch her side of the bed. I did our laundry the other day and there was still some of her clothes in the basket and I washed it all besides a pair of shorts and a shirt and I leave those on her pillow in the bed! She touched everything in my life and everything I see is her! I do things that she would always do. I clean the house even though its not dirty but I clean in her way, I mean I watched her do it enough I knew all her steps so I do it that way with her music blasting like it always was! I try I guess to make it seem like she's not gone but she is and I know it but I don't want to accept it! Like I saved im still just waiting for her to come back. I washed her truck the other and filled it full of diesel and sent her picture and saved babes she ready for you to come home and drive it, I made she she has fuel and is clean like I always did! I don't know why I do it but it just feels right!

[Faith1989]

On 10/29/2020 at 9:35 PM, Missy1 said:

I do still after 9 months, then I see my box of ashes and think what am I waiting for? Still I wait, his clothes, shaving kit, jackets all exactly where he left them, I wait...I can’t give up, I won’t! It keeps me afloat in this world, we, us a united front against the cruel world.

I look at her ashes everyday, numerous times and know the same thing. But I still wait for her. I text her all the time asking her to come home now! I text her constantly telling her about my day waiting for her response! I still keep everything the same just waiting for her arrival! 

[KayC]

You might want to put a used item of clothing inside a ziploc bag to retain the scent...I remember a month after George died, his smell disappeared from everything, no one had warned me, it hit me hard.

[Faith1989]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

You might want to put a used item of clothing inside a ziploc bag to retain the scent...I remember a month after George died, his smell disappeared from everything, no one had warned me, it hit me hard.

Yes I have done this but I have her perfume and I spray everything with it so 9t doesn't fade away! I wear her wooden beaded bracelet everyday and spray it also so all I have to do is smell them and I smell her! I actually got her tattooed on my arm and its her signature. 

[KayC]

I have a tat of George's signature and our symbol on my butt...no one but me sees it but it is significant to me.  Funny story...I got this before George died, even before we were married and my daughter was a teenager then.  At that time we had a cat named George (redubbed King George) after we married.)...when I showed my daughter, she was stunned that her MOTHER would get a tattoo!  She said, "Well, I guess if you ever broke up, you could (here she goes into an impersonation of me talking) say, (solemnly) 'I always did love that cat.'"  It was pretty funny at the time.  Of course I knew we'd never break up.  King George died a year after my George at the age of 19.

[Jttalways]

I closed my husband's cell phone acct a few months after his death. I would call it periodically to see if the number was active and it wasnt. A few months ago I buttdialed his number. I didnt know his # had been assigned to someone new. The next day I get a call from my husband's number and my heart dropped. My husband had a personal song for a ringtone. I started shaking and almost fainted. I answered and the person said they had a missed call from my number. I apologized and hung up. 

[Faith1989]

On 11/3/2020 at 5:34 AM, KayC said:

I have a tat of George's signature and our symbol on my butt...no one but me sees it but it is significant to me.  Funny story...I got this before George died, even before we were married and my daughter was a teenager then.  At that time we had a cat named George (redubbed King George) after we married.)...when I showed my daughter, she was stunned that her MOTHER would get a tattoo!  She said, "Well, I guess if you ever broke up, you could (here she goes into an impersonation of me talking) say, (solemnly) 'I always did love that cat.'"  It was pretty funny at the time.  Of course I knew we'd never break up.  King George died a year after my George at the age of 19.

Thats pretty cool! I had faiths signature put on my wrist probably 2 weeks and I will out her Ying yang tattoo that she drew and designed and just had it put on her in August behind her signature at the end of the month. I love looking down and seeing her handwriting on my wrist everyday and when im down like today I just look at it and cry. Today was a rough one for me. Ive never experienced anxiety and now I am and its horrible. I think I sat in my office this morning and probably cried for 3 hours on and off and I couldn't stop and I didnt know why! It just hit me so hard today!

[KayC]

Yeah, I kind of wish I'd had it put on my wrist, I was thinking at the time it was private but I can't see it without a mirror and my eyesight is such it's hard to distinguish with them.  Ahh well, him and I know it's there.  I had a copy of it on my PC but the program is no longer so I can't view it.

[LMR]

I have thought about a tattoo, his writing copied from a card. I have a whole drawer full of them. He didn't like tattoos though so maybe I shouldn't but I do feel I want something permanent.

I am still waiting for him. I still don't believe it's real. This week has been a bad one. No particular reason. I am just crying all day long. It is worse now than it was the first month. I suppose I was numb then and there were things that needed doing. The car would have been sold then except that I lost the title. I had to wait six weeks for an appointment to get it sorted out. I'm glad now. Whenever I came home and saw the car there it gave me a warm feeling. He was home, he was safe. Now it is a mixed blessing but I'm not ready to part with it.

 

[KayC]

I think he would understand, this is different than other tattoos.