Still Raw...

[missingmompop]

I thought I would post and introduce myself. I lost my Mom and Pop within 36 hours of each other. My Pop went suddenly from cancer... one week he was fine and three days later we had a diagnosis and a week left... my Mom had been on Hospice care over 2 years and apparently was just holding on for him. Biologically they were my grandparents, but they raised me and were the only constants in my life. My husabnd and I looked after them the last 4 years...I'm lost. Some days I manage to hold it together and others I just miss them so much.... I know they are both in a better place, together and looking down on me. I know they were proud of me. Any advice on coping and moving forward?

[ModKonnie]

I thought I would post and introduce myself. I lost my Mom and Pop within 36 hours of each other. My Pop went suddenly from cancer... one week he was fine and three days later we had a diagnosis and a week left... my Mom had been on Hospice care over 2 years and apparently was just holding on for him. Biologically they were my grandparents, but they raised me and were the only constants in my life. My husabnd and I looked after them the last 4 years...I'm lost. Some days I manage to hold it together and others I just miss them so much.... I know they are both in a better place, together and looking down on me. I know they were proud of me. Any advice on coping and moving forward?

Hi Missy,

I am sorry to hear about your Mom and Pop. It doesn't matter they were biologically related to you. All that matters is that they loved you and you love them. Moving forward is tough, but take it one day at a time. Many people write a journal and write their thoughts and emotions out. Others post in forums, join grief groups or participate in counseling to help them move forward. Many people post tributes, such as Youtube videos or Facebook, and yet more write poetry and songs in an effort to move forward.

Do what you feel is comfortable, but try not to use alcohol or drugs to escape the painful feelings. Eventually, the pain will subside and it will get easier. In the meantime, it really does help to talk, paint, exercise, write or other forms of emotional expression. I have even known people who dance to release their pain and sorrow.

And I am sure you are right about them being together and looking down on you hoping and encouraging you to move forward.

Feel free to tell us all about your wonderful family and even post their pictures if you want to.

ModKonnie

[missingmompop]

Hi Missy,

I am sorry to hear about your Mom and Pop. It doesn't matter they were biologically related to you. All that matters is that they loved you and you love them. Moving forward is tough, but take it one day at a time. Many people write a journal and write their thoughts and emotions out. Others post in forums, join grief groups or participate in counseling to help them move forward. Many people post tributes, such as Youtube videos or Facebook, and yet more write poetry and songs in an effort to move forward.

Do what you feel is comfortable, but try not to use alcohol or drugs to escape the painful feelings. Eventually, the pain will subside and it will get easier. In the meantime, it really does help to talk, paint, exercise, write or other forms of emotional expression. I have even known people who dance to release their pain and sorrow.

And I am sure you are right about them being together and looking down on you hoping and encouraging you to move forward.

Feel free to tell us all about your wonderful family and even post their pictures if you want to.

ModKonnie

I have been writing poetry again something I used many times as a kid/teen to heal from things and writing in my journal (I had been so busy with their care and my family I hadn't written in years) it definitely helps. The grief is overwelming at times I just break down, and others, I remember them more fondly, it's just so different and I miss them so much. I am so glad that I found this forum. Just reading others going through the same thing helps sometimes.

I will share more about them... My Mom was supposed to have a girl on her third child instead she had a son again, and he had muscular dystrophy and passed away at 13, I cannot imagine how painful that was for her. I was born the following year and my bioMom and my father (Mom and Pop's son) was going to put me up for adoption, but Mom and Pop said NO~ They would help my Dad... and they did... I wound up back with them over and over and over again and finally stayed with them until I moved out on my own at 17 thinking I knew the world. Pop was so sweet to me, he was caring and I have nothing but good memories with him. Mom and I of course had our moments growing up. But the two of them loved each other and that was obvious, and they loved me, as a teen I gave em a go of it so to speak and they loved me no matter what. Years later (I am only 30 now) when they needed help my husband and I jumped and did whatever we needed to do for them. It's been this big empty spot in our lives, especially on sundays, they are hard. My Pop and husband would have a cigar outside and the kids would play chalk or something and Mom and I would talk. I miss her calls. Even the calls that before used to frustrate me (calling me during working hours to say she needed mayo when she really didn't) i miss those calls... i keep checking my phone. I know they are looking down on me and with me and watching over my family. I know that they miss us as much as we miss them. I have an appointment with the hospice councilor next week, I hope that will help too, to talk to someone who didn't know them at all. I feel bad for my husband he loved them too and he says he misses them but he doesn't know exactly how I feel, as they were the only ones on this earth who loved me unconditionally from the moment I was born and now they are gone. I know they are together, no more pain no more suffering, but I still miss them. I know it will get easier... with time it's just still very raw. And to lose them so close together.... I was in shock for a while this past week I found myself weeping each day different times, mostly while alone i guess my brain has programed me to be strong for my kids and when I get by myself it all comes out.

[wiccacat]

tell me 24 yrs later that it gets better...sorry folks...i stilll miss her as much today