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Anniversary quickly approaching


Woody

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hi, I am new here, not new to the loss of my son Aaron.  tomorrow will be 15 years since his accident, he had just recently turned 20.  October is a hard month, Aaron and his sister share a birthday 3 years apart on the 2nd - It's hard for all of us and my heart breaks for her pain.  His angel anniversary is also October and Halloween was always a special time that we enjoyed together.  Weaving loss into life, celebrating his love and life is what I strive to do every day - focus on the love and light, but this day brings a palpable, physical as well as emotional / psychic pain.  All I want to do is sleep, but I can't bring myself to laying down.  I don't really have anyone in my life who truly understands, I know people try ........  I sometimes think that I just don't want to even acknowledge this day, as the day of his passing should not be a defining memory of my relationship and love of my son. I cannot escape it, my heart, mind, soul won't let it happen.  I try to find the balance of honoring and loving him and caring for myself and feeling my feelings.  

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Hi Woody,

I know 15 years seems like a long time to most people but to me it seems like one day.  I lost my son Benjamin 6 years 4 months ago and no I don't count days anymore.  But I used too.  I used to count everyday he was gone and think it is one day closer to seeing him again.  Then I think maybe I will never get to see him again and life is just what it brings us, unfortunately, I never thought for one minute, that I would lose my one and only son.  He was the light of my life and I enjoyed every holiday with Benjamin.  He love Halloween and dressing up as zombies.  He loved drama and acting.  He was so intelligent and kind.  He was very bright and loved math, video games and his Momma!  I am so sorry that you lost someone so precious - time heals but it never takes away the rawness.  For me, I just couldn't remember didn't want to remember and basically tried to smoke so much weed that I would forget everything and die.  But of course, life isn't so easy like that.  We can't wave a magic wand and expect life to respond accordingly.  I couldn't smoke enough to erase the pain and medicating just led me to other physical problems.  I am physically challenged now, walking with a cane until my hip can be replaced or rehabilitated.  It has taken me six years just to walk into the forest of life again.  I don't want to go into the forest but it is like I have to push myself back into the forest to experience life again. It just breaks my heart that I can't take my son with me anymore - into the forest.  I wish you the best I wish those around you could understand (although this hasn't been my experience - don't say anything about the accident - Lisa might get upset - don't mention it - don't celebrate Benjamin and Dad)  I lost my father on the same day, both died in a tragic small plane crash off the Oregon coast on fathers day in 2014.  My son loved to fly and was studying at Aviation High School.  How ironic...he begged me to go to a different school focused on the Arts and Drama and of course I wouldn't let him go.  I often wonder if lifes path would have somehow changed if I had let him follow a different dream.  Take care and be kind to yourself.  Each day is a new beginning.

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MODArtemis2019
On 10/21/2020 at 2:42 AM, Woody said:

Weaving loss into life, celebrating his love and life is what I strive to do every day - focus on the love and light

This is so beautiful.

I've never lost a child; I can only imagine the pain. I am so very sorry for your loss. The love you have for Aaron shines through your words and your sadness. I think you must have been a wonderful parent to your son.  As you are still in your grief.  

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Mason’s Mom

Woody, you are in the right place for understanding. We all understand the tough days and months. My son's birthday was last month so just went through the 3 birthday without him. He died December 17th just days before Christmas.  The holidays are very hard for me. I feel it is my mission to honor Mason.  Sometimes it is hard to play a balancing act, I want to spend time with my daughters and don't ever want them to feel I didn't give them my best. 

There are 2 days every year that I can't work and find it hard to get out of bed. His birthday and the day we lost him. 

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Hi Woody,

I can relate (and truthfully thats why I joined this site).  I watched my son Adam take his last breath in Jan 2004, at 14 years old, after battling neuroblastoma for 4 years.

  It feels very isolating to have to go through life with such a heavy burdened feeling.   But just know that there is someone who understands your pain

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