How to cope with finding your mother dead

[CrazyHistorical 88]

 I lost my mom a few days ago she was only 45. I woke up that day with this uneasy feeling of her being gone. I called her off and on thinking maybe she sick sleeping in she live in same apt my son went and knocked a couple times on door. It wasn’t until 2:00 5 hrs later that I actually took action to get in to her apt where I found her in bed dead. The guilt and pain I feel is unbearable my heart literally hurts feels like I’m about to have a heart attack all I keep seeing his her dead I can’t get that out of my head. It hasn’t hit me yet that she is gone I’m afraid when it does it’ll kill me. How do I deal with it how do I stop seeing her like that I can’t live like this it hurts so much and I have no one my family not one will speak to me they all blame me I’m lost and don’t know how to come back from this I just want my mom tell her how sorry iam 

[reader]

Please don't blame yourself. I know its really hard right now. ((((hugs)))) But you did nothing wrong. I want you to know you're not alone. And I hope you'll talk to a grief counsellor or pastor. There are so many resources in the community that offer grief support. I want to suggest this website called Grief in Common because they offer Zoom meetings.

Sending my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Nicole-my grief journey]

I’m so sorry. You have all my empathy (excruciating to lose a mom). Sharing what I felt and what helped me incase any of it helps you. I went to therapy and also went through trauma therapy to help me with the images and guilt that I felt. “Reader” is right that you should not blame yourself. I have done that as well and now with some time behind me, I know in my heart and mind things weren’t my fault. I did the best I could with what was in front of me at the time. A huge loss takes time to process and since this was sudden and unexpected, I experienced my thoughts circling trying to make sense of it all. Losing a mom is so painful. I did my best to just do what was right in front of me in the first days and months. I could barely eat and at times not get out of bed. I too felt that others were being quiet with me, not contacting me and thinking that I could have/ should have. But they weren’t there. And they don’t know. In the months after, a lot of people said they were in shock and didn’t know what to do, think or feel. A couple said they were so deep in their own hurt about the loss they didn’t know how to approach me and one said they couldn’t see past the anger of losing her and the blame was misplaced. My heart goes out to you regarding the entire loss and situation. I never thought I would survive the death of my mom and my closest   brother 6months before that. But I’m here 2yrs later and my grief has transformed (I feel like I have tools to better cope). For me, I attribute that from sharing on this forum, getting grief counseling/ therapy, honoring my mother with a memorial brick at a botanical garden. Not until a several months after that: keeping our traditions, doing things we loved to do together, learning how to garden (she loved to garden) and grieving in whatever way I need to when I need to the whole time (and still). I also cried A LOT. Made myself take a walk (started with the mailbox). There is no wrong way to grieve. Just make sure you don’t hold in your grief. Remember she knows how much you love her and she would tell you there is nothing to be sorry for. Big virtual hug

[Zee24]

I will second what Nicole has written. Please dont blame yourself. Let the tears come. There will be a lot of them but dont hold it in. Let it all out. This is horrible and I am so sorry you are going through this. Words feel so insignificant but I think words fall short of what we want to say. There are no words for this despair, the anxiety and the sheer sadness. So sorry for your loss.