Ashes arrived today, surreal

[randall]

I have been doing fairly well dealing with the loss of my mother to leukemia 3 weeks ago, then today the postal carrier delivered her cremation remains (ashes) to me. It was more than i expected in more ways than one-- physically I did not expect such a heavy large box, and this is just half the remains, the other half went to my sister; but it is maybe ten pounds, heavy, a lot. And emotionally it is very surreal-- i mean now i have a box of ashes, all that remains of my mother, all that remains of that beautiful woman who cared for me, was there to hug me just a month ago, always so happy for me to call her, always eager to listen to my issues and praise me. Now utterly gone, a pile of ashes. Really brings home the finality of her death. Surreal.

[Mourningsource]

Randall,

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. It is truly a devastating experience to suffer the loss of one of our parents, and I truly feel for you.

Seeing and receiving ashes can be a truly humbling experience. It is hard to believe that our physical beings can so easily become ash - especially when you are dealing with your own loved one. I'm not sure if you have decided what you will be doing with your mother's ashes, but I always suggest to the families that I meet with that they should try to create a space dedicated to visiting their loved one. In my experience, I've found that people need that "sacred" spot to go to be able to visit their loved one, as well as a get rid of all of those emotions that come along with the grieving process. Whether that is a cemetery, a bench in a park, or just a bird feeder in your backyard, I would highly suggest trying this.

I hope this is helpful to you. Again, I'm very sorry for your loss and will be keeping you in my thoughts.

- Greg

[dizzydancingway]

I know what you mean about the ashes. My mom died last 4 months ago and we're going on a family trip this weekend to spread some of her ashes. Personally, I have no interest in touching or even seeing her ashes. I've been dealing with the grief fairly well all things considered, but I don't know if I can emotionally handle this. I find it too scary, too real, and I guess there is a part of me that still feels that my mom is out there somewhere..somewhere where none of us have access to. Gosh, it really just hit me how scared I am to deal with seeing/spreading her ashes...

[ModKonnie]

I have been doing fairly well dealing with the loss of my mother to leukemia 3 weeks ago, then today the postal carrier delivered her cremation remains (ashes) to me. It was more than i expected in more ways than one-- physically I did not expect such a heavy large box, and this is just half the remains, the other half went to my sister; but it is maybe ten pounds, heavy, a lot. And emotionally it is very surreal-- i mean now i have a box of ashes, all that remains of my mother, all that remains of that beautiful woman who cared for me, was there to hug me just a month ago, always so happy for me to call her, always eager to listen to my issues and praise me. Now utterly gone, a pile of ashes. Really brings home the finality of her death. Surreal.

Randall,

I am sure it was emotionally mind-boggling and tramatic to deal with this. Did it feel like you were in some type of instant replay or experiencing an out-of-body type of moment? What were you thinking the whole time the postman was there? I know this is a tough moment. We are thinking about you.

ModKonnie

[carter19]

Hi Randall

Your post has me wondering at how I am going to cope when I can finally collect my father's ashes. Even though he passed away 14 weeks ago and his ashes have been available for collection for the past 6 weeks I've been incredibly sick and unable to drive to collect them. Up until now I've been thinking that I will deal with the situation okay but as you said, those ashes are what we have left of our loved one.

Personally I am feeling guilty that I haven't been able to collect them yet, I dislike the thought that my father's ashes are being left at the crematorium and I dislike the thought that the people there may think that my father has been forgotten, that makes me really sad. My mother wants to wait until I am through all the hospital tests I have to go for but she's determined that it will be her and myself that have to collect them.

We do have 12 months to collect my father's ashes and I have asked my mother just to phone the crematorium to let them know that we are coming as soon as we can but she doesn't see this as being a necessary thing to do and I can't intervene in this but it would sure make me feel a lot happier.

I'm so sorry for your loss and sincerely hope you are doing okay.

Dmc44

[itbeme]

I feel your pain! My Mother was also cremated and 2 weeks after the Memorial they called me to pick them up. I had to wait for everyone to be able to meet at a set time to spread the in the water as Mom had ask. Therefore she sit on my dresser for a week. I couldnt hardley even go in my own bedroom. Now that they are spread in the water like she ask, I am left with ok so now where do I go to talk to her, where do I take flowers for Mothers Day her Birthday ect.?

My FIL was killed in an explosion 10 yrs ago and my DH and all his brothers 4 of them total still go to the cemetery every thursday evening to honor, visit, talk ect. Where do I go???

Also it is so hard to have any closer until you have the ashes and do with whatever the plan is.

So sorry for your loss.

[dizzydancingway]

"My FIL was killed in an explosion 10 yrs ago and my DH and all his brothers 4 of them total still go to the cemetery every thursday evening to honor, visit, talk ect. Where do I go??? "

The school where my mom worked planted a tree in her honor. My mom was also an avid gardener, so my brother has really taken over her garden, planting lots of flowers and vegetables--that's where he goes to "visit" her. I think you can create places to go to grieve and to "visit." I myself have put lots of pictures of my mom up around my apartment and that helps me feel close to my mom.