Members Yoli Posted September 22, 2020 Members Report Share Posted September 22, 2020 So this is probably a stupid question and I already know the answer really. Do you think people know just how much of a struggle it is for us to get through each and every day? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted September 22, 2020 Members Report Share Posted September 22, 2020 At the beginning, they may understand it's a devastating shock. After a couple of months, most people don't have a clue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted September 22, 2020 Members Report Share Posted September 22, 2020 No, it's not a stupid question. The short answer is no, they don't. We hope and want people to understand what life is like for us now. The people who love us want to "get it" so they can help us or, in some cases, "fix" us so we'll be "back to normal" because our grief is so uncomfortable or scary for them. Society in general wants to ignore loss and grief because it's a tangible reminder that it can and someday will happen to them. And so most often they don't want to know the truth. What we figure out along the way is that the only way to understand it is to experience it. Even our friends and family cannot know what a struggle, how painful it is just taking the first steps forward onto a path we didn't ask for or want to be walking. They don't see us in the dark of night when sleep won't come yet again. They don't know how it feels every time some little reminder stabs us in the heart or sets us back. They can't really get the depth of grieving that affects every cell of our bodies and every bit of our lives. Their lives continue onward largely unchanged, even when they are grieving too. It's just the way it is. The thing is that I don't want them to know like that because it will mean that someone I care about will have "joined the club." I'm lucky that my small circle all treasure their own spouses and know that someday it will be one of them left to carry on alone. Not one of them has expected me to do or feel or be anything other than what I decide is right for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jttalways Posted September 22, 2020 Members Report Share Posted September 22, 2020 No they dont know and they wont know until they go thru it themselves. Doesnt mean they cant be empathetic, but they just cant understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DMB Posted September 22, 2020 Members Report Share Posted September 22, 2020 No. For me, it's a double whammy among one group of ladies who I am having dinner with tonight. Out of the 6 of us, I was only one to get breast cancer, and now first to be widowed. They have no clue, what so ever. I'm bringing the wine though, so I'll be OK.. It will be a brief escape listening to them about their lives, perhaps I'll feel just a little normal for an hour or two. I can happily report back here tomorrow on what questions or comments (if any) come my way regarding cancer, death, and dealing with it. If I were to bet, I will get the garden variety package tonight. The "How you doing?" OK. If the conversation turns to each other health, they may look at me and ask, "So, how you doing?" Yup-you guessed it, I'm going to reply with my stock answer of "OK" I love them, but I just don't have the energy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 22, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted September 22, 2020 No I don't think they can fully realize this unless they have been through it and even then, one relationship is not the same as another, so no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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