Rings

[BBB]

I lost my wife in 2020, still wear my ring and honestly don't see myself ever taking it off. That would probably freak someone out who I might date but I honestly can't see dating anyone either so it works out. Most everyone here still wear their wedding ring? I'm not sure how much time goes by before one feels like their not married anymore but for me, I'm not sure that time frame will ever come.

 

[Gail 8588]

I still wear my wedding ring though my husband died in March 2017. 

[foreverhis]

I wear mine on my left hand and have no intention of ever changing that.  I don't buy into the "transfer it to your right hand after X amount of time" nonsense.  I am his, it is as simple as that for me.  OTOH, I am in my early 60s.  It's probably different for someone younger, who is more likely to find new love down the road.  I think that a new love would be justified in requesting a wedding ring to be switched to the right hand if, and only if, the relationship became serious enough that it was likely to become permanent.  Until then, it remains a personal decision.

I wear his on a chain around my neck, along with a gold pendant he bought me once "just because" I saw it while we were window shopping at Disneyland one day.  It's not super fancy, but it's so meaningful to both of us.  I rarely asked for jewelry and didn't even want a diamond engagement ring or diamonds in my wedding band.  We chose our rings together, black hills gold inset on plain gold bands, and he had the jeweler make a bezel setting in mine with a 1/5 carat perfect dark red ruby he chose for me.  So when he snuck back and bought me the carved gold pendant of the Sleeping Beauty castle, it meant more than I could possibly express.  (Plus, Sleeping Beauty by Tchaikovsky is my favorite ballet.)  And so I wear it with his ring, while my other pendants sit in my jewelry box wondering why I've ignored them for so long.

If you were to date at some point, a simple explanation should suffice.  It would take a strong, caring person to come into our lives under any circumstance.  Might as well find out right away how they'd handle the fact that we will always love our soul mates.

[KayC]

Yes, I had to have it resized as my hands were swelling, but they made it too big  ($275 to resize) so I wear it on my right hand now.

[Gail 8588]

Like foreverhis, I wear my wedding ring on my left hand. I am also in my 60's and do not expect I will ever be in another relationship.

I think it is a purely personal choice, and should be whatever feels right to the grievor. 

Gail

[BBB]

Well I'm in my late 50s and also not expecting to be in another relationship. I continue to wear mine on my left hand

 

[SLO]

I actually rarely ever wore my ring. I work with my hands and a ring has the potential to harm or maim me. I usually only wore it when we went anywhere together. She on the other hand loved her rings and kept great care of them. It was a set. I have the rings all together and I will wear it when I hold her memorial later this month

[foreverhis]

1 hour ago, SLO said:

I actually rarely ever wore my ring. I work with my hands and a ring has the potential to harm or maim me. I usually only wore it when we went anywhere together. She on the other hand loved her rings and kept great care of them. It was a set. I have the rings all together and I will wear it when I hold her memorial later this month

Indeed, working with your hands like that means you can't and shouldn't wear your ring all the time.  My husband didn't either.  He had slightly oddly shaped fingers that tapered, so he had to be careful that it didn't fall off.  Plus, he was a woodworker (for fun, not profit) and could not ever wear it in the workshop or around the yard/house on projects. 

I take mine off to do yard maintenance (thank the good Lord we have a small yard now that I'm on my own!) or housekeeping.  I also remove it for certain exercises like resistance bands.  I take it off to shower and give it a little cleaning sometimes.  Other than that, it is on my finger and there it will remain.

There were a number of times during our marriage when I'd have taken it off, say to work in the yard with him, and then I'd have to go to the store or something where I forgot to put it back on.  I'd realize it and get this "icky" uncomfortable feeling, like I was naked or something.  I asked him once if that made me weird because it's not as if I was less married just because I popped to the grocery store with a naked finger.  He said no because it's more than a tangible symbol, it's a part of who I am and who we are together.  I even considered buying a thin plain band to keep in a little zip compartment of my wallet just for those times, but as usual, I looked at the $150 it would have cost and thought, "But we could use that toward our travel fund or he can buy that little tool he needs" and didn't.

It's such a personal decision.  I would not have expected my husband to suddenly start wearing his ring full time if the situation was reversed because I'd want him to still go out there to his workshop where he might find solace in the wood he cherished.

[SLO]

Thank you for your words. I'm sorry about your loss and hope by keeping the ring on you keep a part of your marriage alive as well. God Bless!

[foreverhis]

@SLO  Thank you.  I am so sorry you find yourself here with us.

I'm certain that wearing my ring helps and it feels right.  I have a hard time not checking "married" on forms because I still think of myself that way.  We promised each other that even death would not part us, except physically and then only for a time.

He is all around me, in his woodworking, both the beautiful and what might seem mundane to others, in the designs he had completed or in process but didn't get to finish, in those of his things that I haven't been able to part with, and of course, in his ring around my neck and near my heart.

You can be certain that we will be here for you whenever you want to talk, rant, question, "yell" even.  The members here have really helped me get through some of my worst days and nights because they understand in ways that no one in my life can. 

And you can be certain that you will be in our prayers as well.

 

[KayC]

My husband was a welder and couldn't wear his when he was working but he always wore it when he dressed up or we went anywhere.  No one would expect anyone to wear theirs if it endangered them!

[Michelene]

My husband gave me his ring before he went into surgery so I just put it on the same finger as my ring--except I put his on first, as it is larger, so mine holds it in place. I still wear both. The tinny clinking used to unnerve me but now i like it. I can't imagine ever taking them off. Someone younger might feel differently, but I feel like I'm in kind of a different world anyway, so who cares what people think. 

[DMB]

I wear my rings. My husband did not wear his wedding band since he worked with his hands.  The morning of his service for some reason I thought about it, went into the closet, amazingly found it the 1st place I looked, I gave it to the funeral director who put it on him, and he went with it.  I just calmly, matter of fact said to my daughter that morning to please also send me with mine on as well, but keep the diamonds of course.