Dealing with grief since my Dad died

[Carrie88]

Hi all,

It’s been 4 months since my dad passed away and it still hurts so much everyday I still miss him. I got married just before the Pandemic started this year and I feel very blessed that my dad got to walk me in the aisle. But just about 2 months after my wedding, my dad passed away due to Heart Failure and Pneumonia. I didn’t get to go back home for his funeral because of flight restrictions during this pandemic, given that my dad lives out of the country. I don’t have any family here where I live, just me and my husband. I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety and depression since I lost my dad. I’m just asking for any advice from your experience, what helped you to deal with loss of a parent? How long did it take for this to get better? 

[Maria_PI]

I am so sorry for what you are going through and can relate on so many levels! I lost my dad to cancer in January and couldn't be there for his last days because I was the caregiver for my husband who was undergoing chemotherapy in a hospital here in the US. It was the worst new year's in my life, and I have had some miserable ones before. I was at least able to fly over to Europe for his funeral and luckily most of my extended family were there to help my mom before and after, as I had to fly right back. I cried non-stop from the moment I boarded that plane till the day I had to come back and pick up my husband from the hospital. After that was a roller coaster with my husband in and out of hospital and eventually passing in May so I really couldn't even grieve properly for my dad. He was the only man in my life who was there for me my whole life, through success and failings, mostly the latter. Always! I still don't feel I have closure with his passing, but I talk with my mom on a daily basis and that gives me some comfort to help her go through the life of a lonely widow day in and day out. I am glad you found this site, it helps a lot, at least it has helped me, deal with the anxiety, guilt and depression, not that those are gone, but to know that I am not alone and to get used to living with them.

[DragiTata]

Carrie88, I just signed up for this site so I'm a newbie too. My dad was just killed in a tragic accident where a truck hit him while he was going back home from the grocery store, on his bike. I genuinely feel your pain. I see his photo and listen to his voice note and literally I can't breathe. Like you, I didn't get to say goodbye. This emotional anguish is the worst experience ever. Like yours, mine did not live close to me.

It's only been 8 days. There is a hole in our hearts that will never be replaced. Don't think that you will eventually "get over" this loss. We have to accept the fact that our lives will never be the same and we have to honor our father's life and memories while trying to function at the same time. Tell me more about your dad. Who was he, as a person? I find it helpful to talk to family and friends even for just a moment. And try not to hold back your tears.

I also believe that our love connection never dies. The physical body may leave this world but they are with us, you can feel your dad is with you. What would your father want you to do to feel better, what would he say? How would he deal with this situation? Talk to him, ask him for advice. I talk to myself and imagine what he would say. Hope some of these words comfort you at least a bit.

[Carrie88]

On 8/31/2020 at 8:49 AM, Maria_PI said:

I am so sorry for what you are going through and can relate on so many levels! I lost my dad to cancer in January and couldn't be there for his last days because I was the caregiver for my husband who was undergoing chemotherapy in a hospital here in the US. It was the worst new year's in my life, and I have had some miserable ones before. I was at least able to fly over to Europe for his funeral and luckily most of my extended family were there to help my mom before and after, as I had to fly right back. I cried non-stop from the moment I boarded that plane till the day I had to come back and pick up my husband from the hospital. After that was a roller coaster with my husband in and out of hospital and eventually passing in May so I really couldn't even grieve properly for my dad. He was the only man in my life who was there for me my whole life, through success and failings, mostly the latter. Always! I still don't feel I have closure with his passing, but I talk with my mom on a daily basis and that gives me some comfort to help her go through the life of a lonely widow day in and day out. I am glad you found this site, it helps a lot, at least it has helped me, deal with the anxiety, guilt and depression, not that those are gone, but to know that I am not alone and to get used to living with them.

Thank you for also sharing what you’ve been through. I can’t imagine how it must be for you. I have been also talking to my mom daily and that helps me out. And i’m also glad i’ve found this site, thanks a lot for your kind words.