Members dizzydancingway Posted July 21, 2011 Members Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 Usually I feel okay...great, even. Almost high. Like, "Wow, I must be really strong to handle all this. To lose a mom at 27. To be a source of strength for the rest of my family." And then it hits me out of nowhere and I miss her. I have lots of memories and lots of loving family members I can rely on. But I don't have my mom. Ever since I moved out on my own, my mom would drive up to visit once a month or so. She'd take me on errands and we'd have lunch and talk. The last time she came up to see me, she didn't want to leave. She wanted to walk around my neighborhood, have lunch. She told us (me and my dad) that it "might be my last time here for a while." I never really guessed it would actually be the last time...and I miss all that. I miss her visits. I miss calling her. I miss hearing her, seeing her. The pain just comes and goes endlessly. Seems just as soon as I get used to feeling good again, I have a meltdown and I'm crying myself to sleep for nights on end.I know that the pain is supposed to ease with time, but how long can this cycle last? Feeling good/feeling helpless. Does anyone else know what I mean? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kellyk1969 Posted July 21, 2011 Members Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 Yes, I know what you are feeling! My father passed 42 days ago, some days I think I am getting better..then I will have a memory hit me out of no where and I am in tears. I went to Target the other day and as I was pulling into the parking lot I remembered that I talked to my dad the last time I was there. We were talking about a punch fountain I needed to rent for my son's graduation, I sat in the parking lot and cried for 20 min. before going in. I could hear his laugh. When will this get easier? Its only been 42 days, but will I be the same when its 142? I hope not..I did like remembering his laugh though! I want to always remember my dad and be happy, I don't want to cry everytime I think about him or everytime someone brings him up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted July 21, 2011 Members Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 Yes, I know what you are feeling! My father passed 42 days ago, some days I think I am getting better..then I will have a memory hit me out of no where and I am in tears. I went to Target the other day and as I was pulling into the parking lot I remembered that I talked to my dad the last time I was there. We were talking about a punch fountain I needed to rent for my son's graduation, I sat in the parking lot and cried for 20 min. before going in. I could hear his laugh. When will this get easier? Its only been 42 days, but will I be the same when its 142? I hope not..I did like remembering his laugh though! I want to always remember my dad and be happy, I don't want to cry everytime I think about him or everytime someone brings him up!It will get better. At some point in time, you will be able to remember your dad and smile fondly or even laugh loudly. It is just going to take some time. I cried over everything at first, but now almost two years later, I only tear up once in awhile and my heartache is a dull throb occassionally instead of a constant stabbing, sharp and pressurized pain. It will get better.ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dizzydancingway Posted July 24, 2011 Author Members Report Share Posted July 24, 2011 I have lots of great memories and feelings about my mom that make me happy. My friend just had a baby and seeing her as a new mom brings me back to lots of memories of myself as a young child and my momma loving me and caring for me. That makes me feel so good. But everytime I encounter any family stress...my dad needing me more than I feel I can give or my brother avoiding responsibility...anything that my mom used to take care of, I fall into the worst depression. I guess my family hasn't figured out our dynamics minus our most important figure and a lot of the pressure is falling on me. It makes me miss her so much. I cry myself to sleep missing her. but that's only sometimes. Usually I remember how amazing she was.I guess all this just takes getting used to, huh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dizzydancingway Posted July 24, 2011 Author Members Report Share Posted July 24, 2011 I have lots of great memories and feelings about my mom that make me happy. My friend just had a baby and seeing her as a new mom brings me back to lots of memories of myself as a young child and my momma loving me and caring for me. That makes me feel so good. But everytime I encounter any family stress...my dad needing me more than I feel I can give or my brother avoiding responsibility...anything that my mom used to take care of, I fall into the worst depression. I guess my family hasn't figured out our dynamics minus our most important figure and a lot of the pressure is falling on me. It makes me miss her so much. I cry myself to sleep missing her. but that's only sometimes. Usually I remember how amazing she was.I guess all this just takes getting used to, huh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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