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Loss of my cat - Fabio


Fabiomom

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We had to put our cat down on July 22nd, 2020, so almost 4 1/2 weeks have gone by and I still sob uncontrollably each day.  Something will remind me of him...a cushion that he used to sleep on, his spot on the kitchen island where he'd lie while we ate (yeah, I know..), his favorite spot at the end of our bed where he slept each night, his following me when I would go downstairs to do the laundry.   I never thought it possible to be so sad, so suddenly and to miss a pet so very much.   I had time to grieve my parents before they passed (both had cancer).  In a way, it was a relief when they went, at least they were no longer suffering.  But, losing Fabio was unexpected.

He was with us for 12 years, having been rescued from a barn at approximately 8 months.  He was the most gentle kitty I've ever met.  He'd play hiss, play bite, but never with his ears back, or never with malice.  He was "my" cat, following me around everywhere, waiting at the door to great us, comforting me with head butts when he felt I needed it... watching over me.  He was diagnosed with pancreatitis in May, after a few visits to the vet during the height of Covid.  It was difficult to get an appointment, so, I feel that maybe he would have been diagnosed sooner, had his regular vet seen him earlier.  She was the one who diagnosed him a month later, in May.  The only symptom was lack of appetite as cats hide their pain well.  With appetite stimulants (together with anti-nausea and pain meds)  he would eat, but as this continued and there was no improvement without continuous medication, the decision was made to insert a feeding tube as the appetite stimulants no longer worked  This was a a ten minute procedure under anesthesia,  which would make it easier to feed and medicate him,  with a new treatment plan following the procedure.  On the day he passed, we got a call from the vet at 3:00 pm saying that he was good to go.  He'd been on IV at the vet for a day while they ran tests and all results (other than his pancreas and now his liver) were good. But when they sedated him at 5:30 pm, they discovered fluid on his lungs.  Despite trying to remove the fluid, his lungs kept filling and his heart started to fail.  So, instead of going to pick him, we had to go say good-bye.  And, because of Covid, only one of us could be there at one time.  My husband said good-bye first and I held him as he took his last breaths.  I feel anger, guilt, sadness, I'm in a spiral.  I wonder if we could have done anything else, sooner.  I ask myself if there was any drug which could have treated the pancreas itself, rather than the symptoms...I'll be asking these questions to the vet when we bring our dog for his annual visit this week as I  need closure.   I wish he were here, I miss him every minute of every day.  I know time heels, but I don't know how much time this will take.

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I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my best friend and companion, Arlie, I called him my soul mate in a dog, had him since rescue when he was almost one and starving, he had acute chronic colitis all his life so I had to cook for him, no easy feat since he was a big boy!  He was the smartest, funnies, goofiest, sweetest gentle giant, with a great sense of humor and a protective spirit, my giant watchdog.  It's been one year Aug. 16, and I am in no way over him.  I've had to learn to adjust to his absence, which is the hardest thing in the world, second only to losing my husband 15 years ago, it feels very much like losing him did.  Then as if things couldn't get worse, I lost my 25 year old cat, Kitty, in January, first symptom on Christmas.  Her kidneys and liver shut down.

It seems beyond cruel that people shouldn't be allowed to be with their animal/family member when they pass.  This seems the most cursed year on all counts!  I am so sorry you are going through this at this time of all times.  Your beautiful sweet cat.  I lost my Miss Mocha four years ago and now this, our family of four now just me, hard to fathom.  My son brought me a puppy before Christmas, does not replace any of them but has wormed his way into my heart and life but I'm terrified of losing him, understandably.

I do understand your tears and pain, I feel it on the inside now, like a weight inside that I live with. I send you thoughts and wishes for comfort for your grieving soul.   I want to leave you with these, in the hopes that they help you:

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/02/pet-loss-cannot-stop-crying.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/12/pet-loss-amazed-at-how-we-are-grieving.html

 

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Thank you so much for your kind words.  I can only imagine what you’ve had to go through as well...my heart goes out to you.  I’ll consult what you sent me.  Thank you again.

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I am so sorry to read your story. :(  It sounds like the vet did all they could and unfortunately, you couldn't more due to all these restrictions. 

Pancreatitis is very very serious in itself and then with the fluid on the lungs - maybe more was going on. Try to get your closure. It may help. But be patience, it takes time to grieve such a loss. It's a process. 

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Thank you for taking the time to read my post and reply and for your wise and kind words.  We do think we (and the vet) did everything they could.  He was a very sick kitty and in pain, so we did what we did to ease his suffering.  I know it’ll take time...., but I miss every single day.

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