Lost my Best Friend

[Jennxrs]

8/18/2020

This day will always hold significance in the worst year of my life. COVID was truly boring but not too bad. But losing my best friend, my first college friend.... is heartbreaking. I would tear up and let a few tears out in random places but at home it is the worst.It's like I don't intend to think about her and then a random memory comes flying at me. I've been crying for hours now again. I don't know how this works so I am just going to vent. I have an appointment with my therapist Monday but I really need her sooner. We had an appointment Monday but she had to call out.. which ended up benefiting me cause my schedule was hectic that day and cause of the death of my friend. Before this, my mental health was okay. The main complaint would have been my dad and his drinking constantly/fights with mom. Now that seems so little compared to never seeing my best friend again. I am an introvert but I approach her first when we were in this program and noticed she was kind of alone too. I am so happy I did. We had really great memories and she made my first year of college be one that I'll never forget. I am religious and so was she. Her last words were God is with us. I want that tattooed on my body. I am not angry at God. I am pleading with God that she is actually in heaven, at the right side of God. I need to see one more time before they bury her but oh my god, that thought. I never thought I could cry this much. I wish I can actually go to a support group irl. I had one year with her but she changed me in a good way. Without her I would be stuck to a desk (med student). But we did argue a lot our second semester of college. I just wish I could take it all back. Hug her one more time. Hear her voice. I am a part of things on campus this year and the thought of giving my all is not there. I still will be there for my team but I am broken and don't want to break down in front of them. I can't remember the last time I told her I loved her. I want to hear how you got through this. If you read this far thank you, take care of yourself as well. 

[Aunt missing nephew]

So sad so sorry. Scrap booking helps me. Maybe make a scrap book of you and your best friend. Have a poster made of you and her. Prayers over you