Members SYNKIRB Posted August 20, 2020 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2020 My mom passed away August 12th 2020 at around 9:30am at the age of 50 at a hosptial that refused to allow more then two people inside. My mom at the age of 25 or so had suffered from a severe case of chicken box which in turn placed her into a coma and left scaring on her lungs. So it didn't just damage the outside of her body but also the inside. At the age of 30 she was then diagnosed with copd and ipf and was told that she would be dead in five years if she didn't move out of state for cleaner air and to quit smoking if she wanted to live longer. So they moved. She fought long and hard.. i was with her during her last moments at the house before we had to drive her to the hosptial. I watched as she had to struggle to hang on to what life she had left. The memories play back as her eyes looked empty and her body was swelling all i could think about was how I couldn't help her to ease her pain. I'm still fighting with the fact of how bad she looked and how none of us were allowed inside her room during her last moments on earth. Ill never get to roll back time to make up for what I lost. I'll never be able to sit there in that room and tell her how much I loved her. But what bothers me the most is how I feel. I keep day dreaming thinking mom I was there and I love you but I come back to reality. I feel empty? Like I'm upset with myself because I haven't cried since she passed. I just don't know what to do and it sucks... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AnnBJ Posted August 20, 2020 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2020 Hello SYNKIRB, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. My mom passed away June 19,2020. I was there the night before and I have not cried since she passed either. Covid19 has robbed us of those precious moments. What I have done is join a Grief Share group and talk to a free counselor (found her through calling churches in my area that offer free counseling). Talking to others and going through the grief share videos and workbook is helping. Grief is a process. It effect everyone differently. You will miss you love one and some times it is too painful to remember they are no longer here. Finding a group where you can share you thoughts, struggles and tears will help. My faith is God has really help as well. I believe I will see her again in heaven. I will be praying for you to connect with the right support group to get through this. Sending you a virtual hug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AnnBJ Posted August 20, 2020 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2020 Grief Coaching SCHEDULE YOUR *FREE* 15 MINUTE CONSULT NOW: Grief in Common Coaching Whether it's a recent loss, or something that happened many years ago...Grief Coaching is an innovative approach to grief support, tailored to fit the unique and individual needs of the griever, with someone who understands how loss impacts every part of life. I found this site that may get you start with speaking with someone. I have not tried it myself but would be interested in knowing how it went. This was found under Grief in Common website. God bless you and keep you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wildflower74 Posted August 21, 2020 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2020 I'm so sorry this happened to you. I personally believe that losing someone during Covid is a special kind of hell, and that people who've lost loved ones in non-covid times can't fully relate. I just want to say I'm here with you in how bad it sucks. I, too, badly wanted to be with my dad in the hospital the moment he took his last breath, but they gave my two siblings and I a time limit and then made us leave 2 hours before he ended up dying. My mom, his wife of over 40 years, didn't get to see him because she didn't want to risk getting covid in the ICU where he was. The image of a parent suffering is unforgettable and traumatic. Being helpless and watching them suffer is awful. I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say as my grief is still very fresh too and I haven't gained much wisdom yet. But I can empathize because it happened to me too. Your mom sounds like such a fighter, so resilient. Maybe you take after her in that, and your instinct is not to cry but to keep going. Maybe not. Just an idea. Whatever the case, I've heard it's absolutely normal to feel empty. I think it's similar to shock. It might just be too much to process yet. Whatever response you have is valid. I have found just writing down literally anything that comes to mind in my grief journal (which is just a cheap spiral notebook) has helped me process it... maybe that could help you if you feel stuck. I hope you take care of yourself and sending you hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SYNKIRB Posted August 21, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2020 I just need someone to talk to... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AnnBJ Posted August 21, 2020 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2020 I understand. Look for griefshare.com and put your zip code see if one is in your area. Also, try setting up an appointment with the Grief in Common Coaching. You can also look on AuntBertha,com for counseling services in your area. Hope these will help you find someone to talk too. I pray that God will lead you to the right group and that you will get some relief from the pain, Blessing to you in the name of Jesus Christ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sylvia Onthank Posted August 26, 2020 Members Report Share Posted August 26, 2020 On 8/21/2020 at 1:48 AM, SYNKIRB said: I just need someone to talk to... Hi Syn, I get how u are feeling . Lost my mom on July 14, only one with her and her death was like watching a horror movie. Let’s chat.. I am here for u. Sylvia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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