Losing my mom unexpectedly in a MVC

[Nicole chambers]

I lost my mom on June 21, 2017. I woke up around 610-615 that morning and I felt something was wrong but I fell back asleep because I just thought that maybe I just had a bad dream or something but... Little did I know whenever I woke back up at 7 ...my dad and grandad was knocking on the door, my mom was on her way to work and got hit by an 18 wheeler from the side around 610-615. I was completely devastated and still am to this day, I always blamed myself to not spending so much time with her, we talked 3-4 times a day everyday and that’s hard not being able to do that anymore. I’m still dealing with the frustration and overall hurt from why it had to be her, why now? I will never know other than it was just her time to go. With the COVID going on and not working as well as trying to keep an eye on my oldest brother who i recently found out is having major issues with himself and his family , it keeps me stressed. Just wishing you had one more moment to go back and say just what you needed to say will never be enough. Wish I knew how to keep trying to push myself whenever I feel like I keep knocking myself back down 10 steps with my life/family and my fiancé who doesn’t deserve my anger from this.

[reader]

Dear Nicole,

I'm sorry to hear about the tragic circumstances of your mom's passing. Life is so hard and unfair. Me too. I wish so often I could go back in time and make different choices. 

Continue to be kind and gentle with yourself. And know you are doing the best you can every day to keep going forward. It's hard because it does feel one step back and forth quite a lot, but keep taking those steps. I know you'll get there.

When I was talking with my grief therapist she had suggested I write a letter to my dad. She also suggested imaging that my dad was in front of me and telling him everything that I wanted to say and then switching places and imaging how he might respond. 

Please know we are here with you.