Summer 2020: When I lost my dog. And then my dad.

[Smcg914]

Hi all. I’m Sam. I am sitting here so lost, sad, and just spiraling.
 

On May 16th I lost my beloved dog Simon to pneumonia. He was only 2.. It was a tragedy, as they told me he died identically to how a person with Covid does. It shattered my universe, as he was a therapy dog to me. And it all happened so fast. 
 

And then on July 13th, my Father passed away in his sleep in his bed. My mother and I found him. They were separated, but still best friends. He was an alchoholic- and battling with so many years of mental illness, bipolar  disorder, depression, and pain. It’s so many mixed emotions as he was sober for over a year. He and my sister and I got to spend Father’s Day together. He was 6”3 but down to 90 pounds due to esophageal ulcers, COPD, and emphysema. He knew he was sick but I don’t think he knew how sick. 
 

I just graduated in May with my MSW (Master’s in Social Work). I had all of this happen right after on top of the pandemic. I am a complete mess. I am lost, alone, sad, feeling like I am just never going to get over all of this pain. I have already lived through so much trauma in my life (I’m only 26) and right now I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I know... self care, but it’s hard when you just feel so frozen, so foggy brained, so shattered and alone and jealous of all the other people out there in the world who have more than me. I’m always comparing myself. I just feel hopeless. And am looking to make some connections to maybe some of you who are going through the same thing. I loved my dad. I loved my dog. I want to be able to wake up and not feel so much hurt and pain. 

if you made it this far, thanks for reading.

[reader]

Dear Sam,

I'm terribly sorry for your pain and sorrow. It is devastating to face so much loss in a short period of time. I can relate to all your feelings and know its hard to take even one step when we are paralyzed by grief. 

Please know you are not alone and there are people here to listen and support you. It was hard for me to reach out too. Even with Covid, I hope you'll consider grief support group or joining an online support group through Zoom, Facebook. I also found these websites in giving me support.

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog

What's Your Grief

[wildflower74]

Ugh Sam.... I am so very sorry. That is so much loss for one person at all, let alone in the same year, let alone during a global pandemic. So many layers of shitty-ness. I'm ten years older than you and just lost my dad. I know I got ten more years than you did with your dad, but I still feel like I'm too young to loose him. Twenty-six is so young to loose a parent, I'm so sorry. I know how lonely grief can feel, but maybe my being here will help you feel just a little less alone. I'll sit with you here in this awful place. Sending you hugs.