My 13 year old dog died this past Sunday. I feel devastated.

[ro1]

My 13 year old dog died this past Sunday. I feel devastated. She was the best friend and companion I could have hoped for. I can't stop thinking about her. My wife and kids would go to sleep I would stay up late and she would always sit next to me watching tv, I'd talk to her often take her for a late night walk and she'd follow me to bed. My sons were small when we we got her and they are in college now, she was waiting by the front door when we brought my daughter home from the hospital when she was born, She was the best. I feel this void.
Up until 6 weeks ago she was pretty active for an elderly dog, she would go on long walks with us she would play and bark at delivery drivers. Then all of a sudden she started losing weight. She was still eating, Vet said not to worry. Then maybe a month ago she had what vet thinks was a stroke. She seemed to get a little better, just more tired, Then one day on a walk my daughter said her body is skinny but her check is chubby. The side of her face looked swollen and underneath, she had a scratch, Vet gave anti inflammatory and antibiotic cream and swelling went down.  She seemed more tired, laid around more and did not want to walk more,but was still eating and drinking, then she started making gagging noises, mostly after she ate. She had a bad odor and we had to bath her more often. I called vet again and they said that it sounded like she was at then end of her life, she was not in pain and they said they could do invasive tests to get a diagnosis but taking her age and size into consideration, it could speed up her death. 
For a few days she did not eat much, and was very lethargic. Then she woke up ad ate a lot and seemed back to her old self. The next day she only drank, but barely ate, she would walk go to the bathroom and then lay down we would carry her in. She had a hard time jumping on the couch or chairs. By last Thursday she was no longer eating and would wander around the house, Friday she laid around most of the day and would not eat.she went out twice urinated walked a few steps and laid down. We carried her in and laid her in a a chair with pillows and she pretty much stayed there all day. In the morning she walked to get water. then did not even want to drink.
Saturday she was in the same spot. I walked her and she was only able to walk just out the front door, she urinated and I carried her in, she was not in pain and would still wag her tail slowly, We gave her a sponge bath, that she seemed to enjoy and had pillows under her and blankets. She was breathing and responsive, we brought her water and she drank a lot, although she would not eat, I hoped she was getting better. 
I stayed up till 3:30 AM with her and pet her and talked to her. She would look at me and wag her tail slowly. I fell asleep on the couch and when i woke up around 945, i saw that she had moved from the chair to a recliner she sometimes liked to sleep in. I thought She is better, she had enough strength to move.
I go in the other room and my wife and kids are crying I said what's wrong? They said Ellie is dead. I said no she is not she moved to the recliner, Then i ran to the other room knelt by the recliner and realized she had died.
I feel bad. I think could I have done more? Why did I fall asleep i could have been holding her when she passed. How and when did she move? I can't believe i thought she was just resting. I feel such a sadness and sense of lose, I cried the other day walking by the dog food isle. I keep looking for her. We are waiting to get her ashes back I don't know if that will help or not.
I feel so lost, I am trying to be strong for my kids but as i sit here alone on the couch and she is not next to me it hurts.

[sad-pharmacist]

Hi I’m so sorry to read about your loss of Ellie , I was reading it and feel exactly the same , I lost my beautiful best friend  poddy on Thursday last week due to a horrible accident and was kinder to put him to sleep! I feel the same I’m trying to be strong in front of my kids but inside I’m broken and hurting so much!  Wanted you to know you are not alone 

[ro1]

2 hours ago, sad-pharmacist said:

Hi I’m so sorry to read about your loss of Ellie , I was reading it and feel exactly the same , I lost my beautiful best friend  poddy on Thursday last week due to a horrible accident and was kinder to put him to sleep! I feel the same I’m trying to be strong in front of my kids but inside I’m broken and hurting so much!  Wanted you to know you are not alone 

Thank you. I am sorry for your loss as well. It is such a Sad feeling.

[I love my Basset Hound]

I am so very sorry for your lost. As we all grieve differently one thing is for sure, that emptiness and questioning will always be there. I can’t promise you that things will get better as I’m still feeling alone and depress most of the times. My fur baby is my other half and those weeks seeing her getting more weak killed me but I still tried my best to hold tears back and smile and sing for her. I pray Ellie gives u a sign that she’s okay as you and your family grieves. She is truly and angel and such a blessing to be with you and your family for 13 yrs. It’s life changing and your daily routine changes and it’s going to be hard being strong in front of the kids. Having her ashes will help in the grieving process as you and your family will be able to properly say till we meet again and have that acceptance of Ellie going to heaven till you meet again. I wish there was something I could do or say to make things better but there’s not. No one could tell me anything to make me feel better. Just remember It’s never a goodbye. I’m so sorry for your lost. 

[KayC]

@ro1  I am so sorry for your loss.  It's hard whenever it happens, no matter the circumstances.  I doubt you could have held this off, 13 is a good age for a dog, I know we always hope for more.  I got my dog 10 1/2 years, he was nearly one when I adopted him.

I want to point out that oftentimes animals want to go off by themselves to die, it's easier for them as they don't have to worry about our feelings, or just want peace, they usually aren't feeling their best by this point.  I know we wish to be with them, but I hope it helps to think of it that way.

@sad-pharmacist  I am so sorry for your loss as well.  

I encourage you to read through the other threads to know you are not alone in what you are feeling,  Loss of a beloved pet is one of the hardest losses we can endure.   It's been one year since I lost my beloved Arlie, come Sunday.

I want to leave you both with this short video in the hopes it brings you comfort and peace...

 

[ro1]

Thanks you! I appreciate the support.

 

50 minutes ago, I love my Basset Hound said:

I am so very sorry for your lost. As we all grieve differently one thing is for sure, that emptiness and questioning will always be there. I can’t promise you that things will get better as I’m still feeling alone and depress most of the times. My fur baby is my other half and those weeks seeing her getting more weak killed me but I still tried my best to hold tears back and smile and sing for her. I pray Ellie gives u a sign that she’s okay as you and your family grieves. She is truly and angel and such a blessing to be with you and your family for 13 yrs. It’s life changing and your daily routine changes and it’s going to be hard being strong in front of the kids. Having her ashes will help in the grieving process as you and your family will be able to properly say till we meet again and have that acceptance of Ellie going to heaven till you meet again. I wish there was something I could do or say to make things better but there’s not. No one could tell me anything to make me feel better. Just remember It’s never a goodbye. I’m so sorry for your lost. 

Thank You 

5 minutes ago, KayC said:

@ro1  I am so sorry for your loss.  It's hard whenever it happens, no matter the circumstances.  I doubt you could have held this off, 13 is a good age for a dog, I know we always hope for more.  I got my dog 10 1/2 years, he was nearly one when I adopted him.

I want to point out that oftentimes animals want to go off by themselves to die, it's easier for them as they don't have to worry about our feelings, or just want peace, they usually aren't feeling their best by this point.  I know we wish to be with them, but I hope it helps to think of it that way.

@sad-pharmacist  I am so sorry for your loss as well.  

I encourage you to read through the other threads to know you are not alone in what you are feeling,  Loss of a beloved pet is one of the hardest losses we can endure.   It's been one year since I lost my beloved Arlie, come Sunday.

I want to leave you both with this short video in the hopes it brings you comfort and peace...

 

Thank you 

I appreciate the support 

[ro1]

This is Ellie

[KayC]

OMG, so sweet!  I can see your attachment, very sweet looking dog. 

 

[AJWCat]

What a sweetheart she is. It's so hard to lose such a close friend and companion. We don't realize how much they do for day to day life - the joy they bring. So of course you are devastated. Patience and time is only answer. And, the only other good thing in your story is she was safe at home with all of you. You didn't need to do anymore than that. She had a wonderful home and life with you and your family.