Members Perro J Posted August 11, 2020 Members Report Share Posted August 11, 2020 There was a time we went out to play Bingo together. It was her first time trying the game in the USA. We got to the very last game of the night and it was a coverall with a prize of over $1000. Her card got to where it needed only one more number and was still within the limit for the big prize. Someone called Bingo - but we could see the very next number to be called - and it was hers. So close! A few months later we went back to play again. We tried a session with no luck. I was ready to leave and she asked if we could stay for the next session. She just knew that luck was going to come our way. I was skeptical but willing to play another session anyway. This time, it did seem that almost everyone winning was seated at our table. She simply believed that we would win. It got down to the very last game, the coverall. Again, she got to where she needed only one more number. A few more numbers were called and the prize got reduced to the consolation amount of $200. But this time....she won. She was elated. Also, she was right. She somehow knew that luck would come. She was an optimist. Later, she told me she had been at church and heard a story of a member in a rough patch of life. She gave the entire $200 away to that person. She was not rich. She simply saw her blessing as an opportunity to give to others. She was wired that way. I would buy her flowers. Without fail, she would ask me to help her bring them to her church "so that everyone could enjoy them." Every time. Perhaps my favorite memory of her is in my kitchen where she was making something on the stove top. Every Sunday morning I would pick her up at church after mass and normally we would come to my home. The pots and pans were dragged out within five minutes of arrival. I never understood this as she worked in a restaurant and I could not figure out why she would want to cook more. There was no stopping her. She looked up from what she was doing and looked at me. Suddenly her eyes brightened. Spatula in hand, she made a sudden pirouette and ended with her arms spread out in a stageworthy "Tada!" like pose. She broke out laughing. It was perhaps the purest act of spontaneous joy I will ever see. She was the joy in my life. She was beautiful not only in appearance but also in soul. To find that again in life...long odds. I believe my chances are better with Bingo. If you want....tell me about yours? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jwahlquist Posted August 11, 2020 Members Report Share Posted August 11, 2020 Aw what sweet stories! Those are the treasures that nothing can take away from you. Those types of memories are what I hold on to and remind myself of when I wonder how I can go on. My husband and I met when we were both working at the same retail store. I had been working there for 6 months when in walked this super cocky guy. He came barging through the door to the staff room and nearly flattened me with the door. It took him days of apologizing before I would agree to go on a date with him. Our first date he took me to dinner and a movie. I knew that he would be someone who would be fun to hang out with as he took me to see Beverly Hills Ninja. He laughed throughout the movie especially when I rolled my eyes at the dumb parts. He was never afraid to be himself and enjoy life. He would crank up the music and dance along to the music in the car no matter whether it embarrasses me or not. Or if a good song came on while we were in the grocery store. Even after 23 years together, he would still dance along like no one was watching. I would pretend I didn’t know him at times.......all the while secretly admiring his self-confidence and joy in the simple things. He spent hours helping me study when I was in college and quizzing me. He wanted to spend time with me but knew I was busy between school and work. So he spent his free time helping me study just to be around me. He would randomly bring me little gifts home even after 23 years together. He was so thoughtful and always he he just enjoyed making me smile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted August 11, 2020 Members Report Share Posted August 11, 2020 What wonderful stories and memories. She was clearly a kind, giving, and caring woman who loved you completely. I have a thought as to why she would cook for you on her "day off": Cooking at work for her was work. Likely creative and enjoyable, but work. Cooking for you was an act of love. I know not because I was a professional (I was not), but because I learned to be an excellent home cook and baker myself. The reasons I did were because I loved nourishing my family, especially my husband, I enjoyed learning and being creative in the kitchen, and because he was so appreciative of it. Every pie I learned to bake (the early ones were...edible, but not much more than that), every spontaneous dish I created (even ones that were, "Well, this is okay, but let's not have it again"), and every time we sat down to write a weekly shopping list, when I would ask, "Anything special you'd like this week?" were all, every one of them, deep and lasting acts of love. It didn't hurt that he always did the dishes! He also did the laundry for more than 30 years--and he was good at it. To me, those were acts of love from him. Lasting love isn't shown in diamonds or fancy things. It's in what can seem mundane and ordinary to others. It's in making me a cup of tea just because and it's in me mending his favorite sweater even as it becomes little more than a rag. Please keep telling us about her and about your love together. These are the things that help us all remember our kind of love is eternal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lars M Posted August 11, 2020 Members Report Share Posted August 11, 2020 What great stories i find my self sharing great memories with my friends know i usually have to stop because I get choked up but I hold on to these memories tight. With all the heart ache we have at least we have these memories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Perro J Posted August 12, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted August 12, 2020 3 hours ago, foreverhis said: Please keep telling us about her and about your love together. These are the things that help us all remember our kind of love is eternal. OK. As a youngster, my mother taught me that when a lady and a gentleman were walking down the street together that the man always belongs on the street side of the sidewalk and the woman walks closer to the buildings. I've heard variations as to the origin of this tradition but I think I can safely summarize it here by stating that this is where the lady is less likely to get splashed by dirty liquids. My love knew about this too. So this is how we walked together, changing sides as necessary along our route. This was endearing to me. It was never a chore. It allowed me to honor the teachings of my mother and it allowed me to honor the wishes of my love. Her culture and upbringing might make some other women cringe but in her mind there were specific roles for the man and the woman. It had nothing to do with either being superior to the other. In fact, she often explained it as "We walk side by side as equals. Neither one ahead of the other." The only slight exception I could find with that was her insistence on the position of my arm when we walked together. She wanted my arm to cross in front of hers. Perhaps like dancing Tango, in this one instance "the man should lead." If we were carrying things, the effect got to be somewhat comical as we had to shift our items to other arms to enable us to free up the alternate arm as we would change positions for something as simple as turning a corner. If I switched my arm around incorrectly, she would enforce the ritual and make sure everything was as it should be. A reasonable argument could be made that the arm position did not actually indicate who was leading at the time. I didn't mind. I loved that about her and I never would have grown tired of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Perro J Posted August 12, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted August 12, 2020 I thought of another thing. This was something her sister shared with me after she died but before I returned home. Before she died she explained the following to her sister - she said: "I need all of your souls to be at rest before mine can be at rest." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jwahlquist Posted August 12, 2020 Members Report Share Posted August 12, 2020 4 hours ago, Perro J said: I thought of another thing. This was something her sister shared with me after she died but before I returned home. Before she died she explained the following to her sister - she said: "I need all of your souls to be at rest before mine can be at rest." She sounds like an amazing lady. It is clear that you loved her very much and that you shared something very special. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 12, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted August 12, 2020 Perro, those are beautiful memories you shared with us, thank you! We, here, are the ones who had the true love stories, the ones who had something to lose, many marriages never reach what we shared. I agree with foreverhis, she enjoyed cooking for you because it was an act of love, the same as it was me for George. My George and I "connected" from the beginning, first as friends, I was at the end of a 23 year marriage, so we started out as friends, never dreaming it'd become something more someday. I remember the day I told him not to fall for the first cute little waitress, I told him to take her out and if she orders dry salad and pushes it around on her plate, saying she's not hungry, she's not the girl for him (he loved to eat)! I told him to take her out, and if she ordered ribs and ate with gusto, juice running down her arms, THAT'S the girl for him! About a year later he had an event and asked me to be his date, menu preset but we didn't know what it'd be. I dressed up and went, you guessed it, it was ribs! I made sure to eat with gusto, juice running down my arms, we laughed. We knew we were made to be together, our communication was amazing, it was clear for the whole world to see we adored each other and were one. How else can it be for a couple destined to be together?! I'd never encountered anything like it in my life, it was incredible... I just wish it could have lasted longer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 12, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted August 12, 2020 15 hours ago, Lars M said: With all the heart ache we have at least we have these memories. Yes and I am very thankful we lived them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lars M Posted August 12, 2020 Members Report Share Posted August 12, 2020 KayC: I love that story! We all have these great stories and I love to hear them. My wife was a animal lover dogs mostly but I remember going for a ride with her and she hits the brakes pulls over in the grass runs out into traffic to save a box turtle that's the kind of heart she had. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted August 12, 2020 Members Report Share Posted August 12, 2020 On 8/12/2020 at 7:12 AM, KayC said: I remember the day I told him not to fall for the first cute little waitress, I told him to take her out and if she orders dry salad and pushes it around on her plate, saying she's not hungry, she's not the girl for him (he loved to eat)! I told him to take her out, and if she ordered ribs and ate with gusto, juice running down her arms, THAT'S the girl for him! That's so heartwarming and made me chuckle. I had something like that with my husband. We'd been casual friends through the theater and mutual friends for about a year and a half. We'd been at the same cocktail and formal events, just not together. He'd seen me in fancy costumes, make up, and dance heels on stage. He knew I knew how to dress up. So our first Christmas we'd been dating about 6 weeks, but were already together most of the time. We each had family things in the morning, but he invited me to his sister's house in Santa Cruz for the afternoon. It was a beautiful day on the coast and his BIL is part owner of a 35' sailboat, so the plan was to go for a sail. He had said to be casual, so I wore a shirt, sweater, jeans, and topsiders, plus a jacket. We got on the boat and he said, "Here's a spare pair of sailing gloves. Want to help?" Well, I'd only ever sailed tiny one or two person catamarans on the lake, but what the heck. I said, "Sure. You all just tell me what to do." The next thing I know, I'm helping to hoist this and turn that and learning when to duck or do the bob-and-weave. My hair is flying and I'm covered with salty ocean spritz. We got back to shore and went back for a casual dinner before heading inland (we'd say "over the hill"). He asked if I had a good time. By then, I had my frizzled hair in a pony tail, my clothes were salty and windblown, my face was red from the wind and sun. I grinned and said it was great and that I liked his sister. He just smiled and said that she liked me too. Years later on one of our camping trips we were talking about a friend who had broken up with his girl friend. The reason? It was getting serious, so he asked her to go on a camping weekend. They came back and we all asked how it was. He said, "I broke up with her." "Why?" "She spent 2 or more hours every day in the campground bathroom curling and spraying her hair, putting on full makeup, and complaining that her jeans got dirty." Yeah, not the girl for him. He ended up marrying one of our other good friends--a woman who, like me, loves camping and knows how to get dirty. I asked my husband if that first Christmas sailing was a test. He said, "Well...it was more like a bonus because it really was a great day for a sail." Hm, I pondered, "I guess I passed the test." He said I passed all his "tests." He passed all my tests too, like being a true gentleman, not condescending or "macho," but chivalrous, strong, and protective when needed. He was honest, kind, funny, interesting, and could talk to anyone without talking down to them (even though he was incredibly smart). We had the same mindset on nearly everything. Plus, he and my baby sister got along great. That was non-negotiable really. Actually, he met her and my mom before he met me! He was in the orchestra of a show they were in the cast. I was performing in a different show and rehearsing another, plus working full time. I barely had time to stop in and watch a dress rehearsal, so I had no idea. Isn't it something how, once things clicked, we simply knew we'd met "the one"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted August 12, 2020 Members Report Share Posted August 12, 2020 20 hours ago, Perro J said: Her culture and upbringing might make some other women cringe but in her mind there were specific roles for the man and the woman. It had nothing to do with either being superior to the other. In fact, she often explained it as "We walk side by side as equals. Neither one ahead of the other." How lovely. It's true, at least it was for me and my love. We were partners, one not more or better than the other. Yet, we never wanted to be the same. I was a woman and he was a man. He too always, always walked on the outside. I have to admit that, being a dancer on stage, I had a wee bit of a habit of trying to lead while out dancing with him. He'd give me a "look" that said, "Listen, I know we're partners, but in this I will lead." Through 35 years of marriage there were only three or four times he "put his foot down" about something. I learned early on that if he did that, he had a darn good reason and that it was never "You will obey me" (there was no "obeying" in our wedding vows"), but rather, "I need you to listen to me now." No doubt you laughed at times over the maneuvering needed to have your bodies, arms, and packages just right. 21 hours ago, Perro J said: I loved that about her and I never would have grown tired of that. No, you wouldn't have. The small endearments that matter to you and her, that might seem silly to others, are part of what helped you weave a life together. It sounds so trite, but I am deeply sorry you didn't get to do that for decades. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 13, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted August 13, 2020 18 hours ago, foreverhis said: He passed all my tests too Me too...my main love languages were sharing from the heart, spending quality time together, and touch. I was married for 23 years to someone who would not do any of those things. I never felt loved. He didn't even sleep with me the last 15 years! He was on his third marriage (me) by the time he was 27, he always blamed it on the OP but I realized later that was a pattern, I just stuck it out longer than most, being tenacious to a fault. At the end of our marriage he told me how we'd go to town (I don't remember doing so together very often) and I would just "talk and talk and he'd wait and wait for me to SHUT UP and I never would" Wow. So I'm pouring my heart out to him and those were his thoughts all those years. Fast forward to when George and I were married...he was looking at me all goo-goo-eyed and I said, "What??" and he said, "I could just listen to you forever..." with this dreamy look. Same scenario, different response. Because THIS was "my person!" Yes, you know the "one" when you find them. On 8/12/2020 at 9:02 AM, Lars M said: she hits the brakes pulls over in the grass runs out into traffic to save a box turtle I love that! And I would have done the same. I hate to see animals in harm's way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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