Loss of My Father and Cousin

[msporsche82]

In April, our family experienced three deaths. My close cousin who was 30- I am 29, died of a brain aneurysym on April 4, 2011, my dad died two days later on April 6, 2011. He was 51. Both deaths were very sudden. At first I felt so overwhelmed with all of this, and thought I have worked through the peaks and valleys of this, but today, I am feeling extreme anger. It is directed at my family and my friends, and then myself. I feel extremely lonely, and today, I felt like I am being used and am just sick of it. Perhaps this is something that I have already had pent up. I was always the one that people look to as having things together, fixing things, helping others out, but when I can't seem to keep it togehter, its like people do not know how to really deal with me and it seemed that they simply don't. I guess this is the source of my anger. It seems that everyone is so busy at the one time I need someone to just understand or let me vent without taking it personally. Honestly, I said things today that I should have probably already said, so I guess I am confused as to whether or not this is actually grief or some other issue. I know that if my dad was here though, he would have time for me, he would know what to say because he always seemed to understand me. Now, it seems no one understands me, and really do not want to deal with any of my issues. I try to make myself understand that my mother, and my sisters are going through the loss too. I try to understand that my friends are so used to me having it together and being there for them that they simply do not know what to do or say. But I always do that, I always want to give people the benefit of the doubt and just swallow my issues or figure them out on their own, and today, I just simply do not have the strength to know where to start-by myself. I am wondering am I crazy, why isn't dad here physically with me. I know he is in my heart but I am not getting the guidance that I ususally get, the guidance that I have not had for three months now and I am just so sad. I am not sure if this is even making sense to anyone who may read this, but I guess I am asking for some guiding words to help me get through this. I am hoping this is just a phase. I am hoping that I am not the only one who is feeling like this. I know that there is always someone who is experiencing worse, but I guess when is it okay for me not to have it together?

[ModKonnie]

In April, our family experienced three deaths. My close cousin who was 30- I am 29, died of a brain aneurysym on April 4, 2011, my dad died two days later on April 6, 2011. He was 51. Both deaths were very sudden. At first I felt so overwhelmed with all of this, and thought I have worked through the peaks and valleys of this, but today, I am feeling extreme anger. It is directed at my family and my friends, and then myself. I feel extremely lonely, and today, I felt like I am being used and am just sick of it. Perhaps this is something that I have already had pent up. I was always the one that people look to as having things together, fixing things, helping others out, but when I can't seem to keep it togehter, its like people do not know how to really deal with me and it seemed that they simply don't. I guess this is the source of my anger. It seems that everyone is so busy at the one time I need someone to just understand or let me vent without taking it personally. Honestly, I said things today that I should have probably already said, so I guess I am confused as to whether or not this is actually grief or some other issue. I know that if my dad was here though, he would have time for me, he would know what to say because he always seemed to understand me. Now, it seems no one understands me, and really do not want to deal with any of my issues. I try to make myself understand that my mother, and my sisters are going through the loss too. I try to understand that my friends are so used to me having it together and being there for them that they simply do not know what to do or say. But I always do that, I always want to give people the benefit of the doubt and just swallow my issues or figure them out on their own, and today, I just simply do not have the strength to know where to start-by myself. I am wondering am I crazy, why isn't dad here physically with me. I know he is in my heart but I am not getting the guidance that I ususally get, the guidance that I have not had for three months now and I am just so sad. I am not sure if this is even making sense to anyone who may read this, but I guess I am asking for some guiding words to help me get through this. I am hoping this is just a phase. I am hoping that I am not the only one who is feeling like this. I know that there is always someone who is experiencing worse, but I guess when is it okay for me not to have it together?

Hi,

I want to first say that I am sorry for the loss of your dad and cousin. I am sure you are still reeling from the shock of it all. Your anger, confusion and "not having it all together" is so normal that if you didn't experience any of that I'd be a bit surprised.

Your world was just rocked, and you will have to learn to adjust to the new "normal" that will be your life. Give yourself some time, and mourn and grieve as you need. Cry, rant, rage, reflect, laugh; do what feels natural to you. Explain your feelings to your friends and tell them you need more support to get through this.

You will experience a gamut of emotions for the next year or so. You may circle back and forth between sadness and anger, denial and fear or any combination of emotions. Your mind, body and spirit are trying to heal from your loss. Take time out for you. Take care of yourself physically--be sure to eat properly, drink plenty of water and avoid alcohol as a tool to "forget."

You are doing fine right now. We are glad you came here for support. We will be here for you.

ModKonnie