Grief vs Grief

[Yoli]

So I have tried to explain my grief to my cousin but she just doesn't get. She has had loss in her life but not a partner/spouse. I try to get her to see that my whole future, the future I thought I would be sharing is now gone. The plans, the support, the person at home at the end of the day, the person you vent to when you have had a bad day, the person who comforts you, the person who protects you is no longer present in my life.

She keeps asking me what I am going to do. My reply is that I just don't know. She thinks that because I have left work early a couple of times that I shouldn't be there. But I am trying to have some sort of normalcy. I told her there is no rule book so I am just feeling my way which is all I can do.

I know she is trying to be helpful but it makes me want to pull away.

[KayC]

She can't understand.  Neither do my sisters, but they do care.  They just don't get the magnitude of this, or that it's with us forever and that it affects everything.  They can't imagine being without their husbands any more than I could have imagined being without George.  Back then it was something abstract, we really couldn't conceive of it.  And now here I am.

[foreverhis]

6 hours ago, KayC said:

Back then it was something abstract, we really couldn't conceive of it.  And now here I am.

That's true for me as well.  Our best friend's mom died unexpectedly 20 years ago.  I was talking to her dad and said something like, "I'm so sorry.  I can't possibly know how you feel.  We will miss her very much, but I know it's not the same."  He said that no, I couldn't know and thank you for admitting that instead of using cliches.  In the back of my mind, I was trying to imagine how I would feel if I lost my love.  I couldn't.  I don't think anyone can be prepared for just how shattering it is to lose a soul mate or fully understand the depth of pain this type of grief brings.