Newbie

[BBB]

Since I'm a newbie at this and there are a number of people who have had years to adjust, who do you go to share things with? I mean I rarely shared with other people outside of my spouse, which of course just makes this scenario that much more difficult. I realize that but there's nothing I can do now. Sometimes other family if they asked but most of the events in my life, I shared with my wife. We'd discuss, joke, talk about, etc. Now that your partner is gone, it's not like we don't have the need to share but I find myself reluctant to. 

[Missy1]

Personally there is no one who I can share at that same level, no one knows us that intimately. I miss that the most, I talk to him still it’s weird I know.

However I can share a few things with my Mom or my Brother, of course not the same even remotely. Much like you we chatted and genuinely delighted in each other’s day. We would laugh and joke and vent. This is, to me is a big part of the loneliness. We built our intimate relationship over time and this is something one can’t  just replace easily or maybe never. 
 

[BBB]

Yeah, I don't ever see myself ever being able to replace that.Only my wife could understand me so well. Only she could bring out a smile during certain times. Only she knew what to say and when.

 

 

[darren1234]

i`m the same we were all to each other . even if we were just quietly watching tv .it was a comfort thing i guess , and for so many yrs. when my heart doesn`t ache or eyes water i wonder around like a zombie. thia is so bad so sad

[Gail 8588]

BBB, 

I have a female friend who has known me for over 40 years, that I can talk to sometimes, but not about any really dark thoughts, as I really don't want her to know how bad it gets. 

I put up as cheerful front as I can with my 2 boys, as they were both very close to their dad, and they struggle with his absence in their own lives.

So really, there is no one. 

I do talk to my dead husband a lot.  He's a good listener, but not much on giving any input these days. 

I talked to my dog, but he wasn't much on feedback either. 

I have been more frank on this website than with any people in my life. 

Peace, 

Gail

[jwahlquist]

There really is no one I can talk to like I did my husband.  He was my best friend.  I miss having someone to talk to about everything.  Now I feel like I overburden my parents with phone calls.  I just hate how lonely it is not having someone to share with.  I have friends but it’s not the same. Like @Missy1 said no one knows us like our spouses/partners did.  

[Selma0409]

I agree, I only share my feelings with my therapist. I have friends and family but I don't like talking about anything, I lost all my interest in people. My boyfriend was the first and last person I talked during the day, everything that happened to me, he knew about it. Even if we were just laying around, I was so comfortable around him, I know I will never have that happiness again. 

[BBB]

Yes, I think we all feel similar in that regard. No one can replace our partners because no one knew us like they did. Regardless of how close or who it is, other family, friends, counselors, even parents, it's just not the same.

 

[KayC]

On 7/12/2020 at 12:56 PM, BBB said:

Since I'm a newbie at this and there are a number of people who have had years to adjust, who do you go to share things with? I mean I rarely shared with other people outside of my spouse, which of course just makes this scenario that much more difficult. I realize that but there's nothing I can do now. Sometimes other family if they asked but most of the events in my life, I shared with my wife. We'd discuss, joke, talk about, etc. Now that your partner is gone, it's not like we don't have the need to share but I find myself reluctant to. 

For the most part, I don't.  Most don't care, don't get it, have their own lives, spouse, etc.  I had a good friend I talked with but she moved away when she remarried.  I talk to my other friends a bit but they're busy, you know how it is.  I have another grief site and we have a thread going called Going Through Hell and another Venting and many of us share little everyday things there, it all helps.  It's a lonely feeling when you feel you have no one to tell the things you're going through.

[BBB]

Yeah, again, I don't think anyone could possibly replace that. It's just a void I'll have to live without. People do have their own lives and detach when things get too messy.

 

[Michelene]

I'm so glad you asked this--the answer for me is no one. I talk to my husband, but again, as was mentioned, feels pretty one-way although the peace I get is much appreciated.  I have a few good friends, but do not have the depth of conversation I had with my husband. No one whose glance I catch and we know what we are thinking. This forum is pretty honest, but although i continue to reach out to people, I am tired of doing the reaching. Sometimes I don't talk to another human being for days on end. I'm taking an online class, I do call and write people, social media, etc., volunteer, so it's not like I'm in a hermitage, but it's not the same, and so I try to write my thoughts down in a journal, which is like a conversation, but not so much. I feel like it's a little closer to being heard. 

[KayC]

I think it's kind of like that for many of us now in the pandemic, it's changed how we "socialize," throw in grief and...it's all the tougher.