Chronic Grief since Mom

[relativeRaven106]

I lost my beautiful Mom 11 years ago yesterday.

It's been 11 painful years of grieving. I cry all the time, I think about her every single day. In terms of the stages of grief, I've never reached "acceptance", and I don't know how to do so. I grieve over losing her, and everything that she missed, that she didn't get a chance to see and experience. My life revolves around 2 dates - her birthday and the anniversary of her passing. I don't know any other way of being but it's killing me to be this way. Aren't I supposed to feel better by now?

Recently I learned that "chronic grief" is a thing, and it seems I have it (duh, I know). I just don't know what to do.

Is there anyone out there like me? I feel so alone...

[reader]

Dear relativeRaven106,

Please know you are not alone and it is a hard and difficult journey coping with a devastating loss. So many friends and relatives and colleagues expect us to be "over" our loss after a year. For me, I still find myself longing for the past and wishing for things to be different. One counselor had told me it could take 5 years or more or even 20 years. I keep reading and hoping to gain some insight into my feelings.

I found many articles about complicated and prolonged grief. I hope this one will give some guidance.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20360389

Please take care and know we are with you.

[ChristineB]

On 7/12/2020 at 6:06 AM, relativeRaven106 said:

I lost my beautiful Mom 11 years ago yesterday.

It's been 11 painful years of grieving. I cry all the time, I think about her every single day. In terms of the stages of grief, I've never reached "acceptance", and I don't know how to do so. I grieve over losing her, and everything that she missed, that she didn't get a chance to see and experience. My life revolves around 2 dates - her birthday and the anniversary of her passing. I don't know any other way of being but it's killing me to be this way. Aren't I supposed to feel better by now?

Recently I learned that "chronic grief" is a thing, and it seems I have it (duh, I know). I just don't know what to do.

Is there anyone out there like me? I feel so alone...

I lost my dad 11 years ago and my mom 4 years ago. It still devastates me. I know how it feels to think about everything they have missed. I feel sad and angry thinking they weren't at my graduation or my wedding. I think about them everyday. I dont know how to accept it either. I mean how can I. I started a journal where I write almost every day and address it to them. I dont know if that sounds silly but its a way for me to feel like I'm communicating with them even if there is no response. 

[Kaushik]

It's a terrible thing to lose your mother. I am going through the grief right now and don't think I will be able to get over it ever. I just want to say that you are not alone.

[Anne B.]

I understand.  I lost my mother at the end of last year.  It hasn't even been a year yet and I miss her so much.  My father passed 1 1/2 years before her.  I was still reeling from that and then my mother.  It doesn't seem like the sadness will ever end.  You are not alone.

[var]

I also lost my mom

she was my best friend  

5 months ago and I still cry every day sometimes many times during the day. 

I am not big on meds but I think that since it has been 11 years, it may be time to consider an anti-depressant.....I don't know.....I just think it may be time for you.

my doctor asked me last week if I thought I needed something but I am not ready to take anything the first year.

[Oceaneyes]

I lost my father 2 years ago and I still grieve and thought there was something wrong with me. I did not know chronic grief  was a thing. You are not alone. 

[Kevin8988]

 I was in deep grief last year when my dad passed.  After the funeral, I had not been able to visit his grave until a couple months ago.  But ever since my visit to his grave, my griefing improved greatly.  I am no longer in deep loneliness and depression.

Living, dying and grieving are all parts of our life cycle.  Now I accept and embrace my life events as they come.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.

[computergrl]

On 7/12/2020 at 5:06 AM, relativeRaven106 said:

I lost my beautiful Mom 11 years ago yesterday.

It's been 11 painful years of grieving. I cry all the time, I think about her every single day. In terms of the stages of grief, I've never reached "acceptance", and I don't know how to do so. I grieve over losing her, and everything that she missed, that she didn't get a chance to see and experience. My life revolves around 2 dates - her birthday and the anniversary of her passing. I don't know any other way of being but it's killing me to be this way. Aren't I supposed to feel better by now?

Recently I learned that "chronic grief" is a thing, and it seems I have it (duh, I know). I just don't know what to do.

Is there anyone out there like me? I feel so alone...

I am so sorry to hear about your mother. I am in a similar circumstance to yours I think. I lost my mom in 2015 and I don't think I ever have dealt with it properly. Part of my problem is that I lost her while I was still so young (I was 20). For me, it's been extremely isolating because not many of my peers have experienced loss in the same way I have. Most of the time I feel as though I can't be happy because I'm unable to share my happiness with her. If I have good news, it never matters to me because I can't call her and tell her.

Dates are very hard for me as well, I struggle with Mother's Day the most out of all.

To be honest with you I don't know when the "feeling better" starts to happen... To say that it never truly goes away is so disheartening for me to think about.