Members ZenGarden Posted July 11, 2020 Members Report Share Posted July 11, 2020 Hello. My mom died a few hours ago. I'm writing this, but it does not compute. She was hit by a car in front of my dad and died in the hospital several hours later. My parents are in Russia. Im in the States. They were to retire in a few weeks. My partner and I are bulding a house with attachment where they were going to move in. They were to see their grandson they have not seen in 5 years. Now all of this is shattered. I cant be at her funeral because of 2-week quarantine due to covid. It might be better if I dont see her in the casket, but I wont be there to support dad. He is not a strong person. None of it just makes any sense. We skyped every saturday. So tomorrow when that time comes, my heart probably will split apart. I cant bear to see dad. I will call him every day, of course, and be there for him. But i cant bear the thought to see him, or to see just his face on the screen where there were 2 less than a week ago. Im scared of what's to come emotionally. I have a feeling I've felt but a tip of the spear so far. When it will sink it, will my brain explode? Should I take a week off for bereavement? Or should I carry on? I'm so confused. Help me! I love my mom so much. *heart broken* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted July 13, 2020 Members Report Share Posted July 13, 2020 Dear ZenGarden, I am so sorry for your devastating loss. My deepest sympathies and condolences. It is a very difficult time and it is hard to know what to do. Please know there are no right answers. I hope your employer will give you some bereavement time. Be kind to yourself and if possible take a week off or even more depending on how you feel. It is a terrible time with Covid and I wish I had a better answer. For myself, if possible I would try and see my dad and help with the arrangements. I know its not easy with a child and the current travel bans. Do what you feel is right for yourself and in your heart. I hope a trusted friend or family member can support you here and with your dad. Thinking of you and your family during this sad time. Please know we are with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ZenGarden Posted July 13, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted July 13, 2020 Thank you for your kind words. My mom's funeral was yesterday. Dad was surrounded by family and did better than expected. Unfortunately, now they will have to endure criinal investigation and court for the person responsible. Dad told me not to come. He is worried about me traveling due to covid, and I'd be stuck in Moscow for 2 weeks before i can even go to my hometown. He will come here when he is ready. My son is severely intellectualy disabled, which in this situation is a blessig, I suppose. He is blissfully unaware in his little happy world. I dont want him to know this kind of pain. I decided to return to work today. I cant sit with my thoughts at home. Mom would want me to keep going. I will try and see if I can function. If not, i will ask for bereavement. The ache is worse today. It is bad, and i want out if it. But the second i feel better, it feels weird. As if Im forgetting mom. Which of course Im not. But it is very guilt-producing. It is a strange rollercoaster. Im starting to feel anger. I want her returned to me. It will never be same. Im also starting to experience anxiety about losing others or getting hurt or killed myself. Actually, i neurotically worried about losing others all my life since childhood. You'd think tjis would prepare me some, but no... It is just aweful. Im very confused. I know I need to act. I will be sending carepackage to Russia.but what else to do? Do i need to write my wretched feelings down? Go work out? Actually, i cant work out now. I feel like a tingling pile of jelly. Surprised i can hold up cell phone. Weird side effect of grief, I guess. Sorry, Im rambling. But it feels good to share with people who know what it is like. I talk to my family, of course, but it is a vastly different culture. My aunt likes to say "you grew up in America". I suppose it is true. Have been here 20 years, half my life. Thanks to people who arranged this forum and those who read and those who respond. At some point I hope I wil be able to console others. Wishes of strength and healing to all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted July 13, 2020 Members Report Share Posted July 13, 2020 Dear ZenGarden, Please know all your thoughts and feelings are normal and natural during this raw time. Try to be as kind and gentle with yourself as possible. Keep taking it moment by moment. Everyone is so different in how they cope with their grief. I know for myself, I have tried counselling, support groups, online groups, art, writing. It took me almost 2 years for the intensity of my feelings to lessen. It has been hard knowing how unfair life is sometimes and wishing for things to be different. I also found these websites helpful in understanding my grief. Grief in Common What's Your Grief Grief Healing Blog Sending my thoughts and prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Carhea66 Posted July 14, 2020 Members Report Share Posted July 14, 2020 I feel like I am going crazy. Lost my mom on March 20, 2020. Just when everything was shutting down because of COVID 19. Haven’t even had a funeral yet, haven’t seen my dad either because he is afraid to get sick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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