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Grief is ruining my relationship


Uig101

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At the end of March I lost my lovely Grandmother to Covid 19. We were very close and she was a big influence in my life growing up. Unfortuanly due to lockdown I wasn't able to get home to see my family, we couldn't giver her the funeral she wanted or deserved and because of that I feel like the normal grieving process has been taken from me.

I thought I was handling it well and after the initial shock and a few days of crying, I slowly started to get back into normal life, working, and doing hobbies to try and occupy my mind. However, this only lasted for about a month. For the last 5/6 weeks I have been going down hill and I think my grief has manifested into something else. I'm really struggling to trust my partner who I have been with for 5 years. He's not given me any reason to but I've been questioning everything he has ever done or said throughout our whole relationship which I have never done before, even going through his phone one night. I have no real reason or trigger to have these feelings towards him, I just do and I'm becoming someone I never thought I'd be. I have never felt this way before.

I've also been doubting myself lots, not sure what I should trust or what's really going on in my head. Can't even pick clothes out to wear without having a meltdwn. Feel like I'm going crazy.

I admitted to my boyfriend how I felt and what I had done and he suggested it could be my grief, or the lack of a proper grieving process manifesting in this way, which never occurred to me before. Part of me is relieved that it could be this and not me going crazy or our relationship becoming undone.

I was just wondering if anyone else had experienced this and if so what you did to get through it?

Thanks in advance :)

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TheOtherAdam

You are not alone in this feeling.  I lost my uncle  in the middle of march, just as the COVID lockdowns were starting.  We have a very small and close knit family, and he was the first one of the next generation to pass, which made it difficult.  I was the only one living on the opposite coast, and because of COVID, could not get back for the funeral.  Several months went by and I was okay, and all of a sudden the emotional levies broke and I was overwhelmed with grief and anxiety.  I became a different person and took it out on myself and my girlfriend, with whom I had just moved in a month before quarantine.

I don't have a quick fix, but I can say I feel similar to you.  I've never had any anxiety, or sadness like this before.  I've cried 10x more in the past 4 weeks than in my entire life.  I will say that talking to a therapist to help me with my grief has been very helpful.  And talking with a couples therapist has helped my girlfriend and I communicate better while I'm under this intense stress.

You'll get through this - write down all your support systems (friends, family, religion, therapists, meditation etc.) and lean on them.  All the best.

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Hi, thanks so much for your reply. Comforting to know other people are going through the same thing.

It’s a very jarring and disheartening situation from thinking you’re doing okay to suddenly be doubting everything you or anyone around you does. I, like you, have never felt sadness and grief like this and it’s sending me into a pit of self-loathing.

I am trying different coping techniques and hoping with time they will start to work.

Thank you for your kind words, and I hope you feel more like yourself soon.

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Hi,

You are not alone. Grief has changed me I don't know for the better but it has definitely changed me. My perspective on life has changed. I was very sensitive and the things that people would say I began to realize what they were saying were just mean and those people still have not changed I feel like in the past I would just be numb to it then my dad died. I realized like what are these people talking about like making fun of other people, saying swear words to my face, talking behind other friends back I was like what the heck is going on here. So I did a bad thing on my part cause along with my grief I had anger so I retaliated and gave them a piece of their own medicine in front of them and yeah that didn't go well. I realized that sometimes you can't change other people only yourself. 

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