Moderators KayC Posted June 24, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted June 24, 2020 I've heard this question asked many times and some for, some opposed...here's what What's Your Grief has to share on the subject. Demystifying Grief Counseling: Five FAQs What is grief counseling? First, we want to clarify what we mean by ‘grief counseling’. When we use the terms ‘grief counseling’, we’re using it to mean any type of one-on-one, couples, or family therapy, provided by a licensed counselor, to someone(s) who experienced a significant loss. Ideally, the counselor will have experience and expertise related to grief and bereavement, though their backgrounds will vary. The impetus for seeking therapy is challenges related to coping with loss and adjusting to life in its wake. Though, a person may find they address a wide range of issues throughout their counseling journey, whether they set out to do so or not. Do I need grief counseling? The question many people start with – and thus the most common question we hear – is something along the lines of “Do I need grief counseling?” or “How do I know I should go to grief counseling?” I’m afraid our answer isn’t the most satisfying for people who want black-and-white guidelines, but I also think it’s the simplest. What we say is – if you are even slightly open to counseling – it never hurts to give it a try. People often think there’s a threshold of severity they should surpass before seeking counseling. Just as a person might wait until a fever spikes to a specific temperature before calling the doctor, they believe their grief has to hit a certain intensity before calling a counselor. However, therapeutic experiences can be helpful to anyone, even people who are feeling pretty ‘okay’ in their life. For example, counseling can help a person explore their experiences in a supportive, confidential, and non-judgmental environment. Also, counselors can provide psychoeducation and help clients identify coping tools and resources for dealing with a wide range of stressors. We know this may seem overly simplistic, logistically speaking. There are barriers related to access and cost that we’ll address a little in the next few FAQs. But generally speaking, in terms of whether you should try it or not, if doing so doesn’t place undue strain on your wallet or your time – then we say go for it. For our friends who want a little more concrete advice on this topic, try these articles: What is “Normal” in Grief? When Grief Goes from Just Plain Miserable to Problematic “Normal” vs Not-so-“Normal” Grief https://whatsyourgrief.com/do-i-need-grief-counseling/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Sue4 Posted June 25, 2020 Guests Report Share Posted June 25, 2020 Thank you for your helpful insights. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rhonda R Posted June 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 25, 2020 It literally saved my life. I don't know where I would be right now if not for my therapists. Yes, I have had two. I had one for that beginning raw grief. She was really great for that but as my grief evolved, I really felt like I wasn't getting much out of it anymore. I switched to someone who was recommended to me and she is great for that, trying to put your life back together and dealing with the every day stuff. I have a standing appointment with her once a month and even if I don't think I will have anything to talk about, I always do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Sue4 Posted July 16, 2020 Guests Report Share Posted July 16, 2020 @Rhonda R I still haven’t been able to bring myself to a therapist but, I have found a couple in my area and even made an apt, which I cancelled. We’ll see how I go. Thanks for sharing your personal experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rhonda R Posted July 17, 2020 Members Report Share Posted July 17, 2020 @Sue4, taking the first step is always the hardest part. What is the worst thing that can happen, you will realize you are grieving? You already know that. You are afraid it will be even more painful? How can it be? I always thought I could handle everything on my own. This time, I couldn't. I needed help. I still do. 25 months out, someone asks me if I'm ready to date and my first reaction is to be offended. My second reaction is a complete emotional break down. I start to remember just how much I love and miss my husband and the thought of even dating anyone else is impossible. The first person I want to call is my therapist. I really don't think you would regret it. You will know when the time is right for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Michelene Posted July 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted July 25, 2020 On 7/17/2020 at 6:31 AM, Rhonda R said: @Sue4, taking the first step is always the hardest part. What is the worst thing that can happen, you will realize you are grieving? You already know that. You are afraid it will be even more painful? How can it be? I always thought I could handle everything on my own. This time, I couldn't. I needed help. I still do. 25 months out, someone asks me if I'm ready to date and my first reaction is to be offended. My second reaction is a complete emotional break down. I start to remember just how much I love and miss my husband and the thought of even dating anyone else is impossible. The first person I want to call is my therapist. I really don't think you would regret it. You will know when the time is right for you. I was in such pain i feared what I might do to myself. I had this sense that i had to keep going to "live out all my numbered days" for whatever reason. You wrote, what is the worst thing that can happen? I sought out a therapist but couldn't find any and ended up at a local hospice, that counseled me individually, and also made me aware of groups for people that had just lost spouses. It helped a lot, to get out of my head, and hear I wasn't alone in this. But you know, I think I was worried the counselor might try to take away my grief. And that was I all had left, my grief. I didn't want it taken away. I still have my grief, but I have made it mine, now. if that makes sense. Nobody tried to take away my grief, or erase it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 26, 2020 Author Moderators Report Share Posted July 26, 2020 It does make sense. We cannot deny our grief, I have learned to coexist with mine. It is a part of me and will be the rest of my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rhonda R Posted July 27, 2020 Members Report Share Posted July 27, 2020 No one can EVER take away your grief. To take away your grief would be to take away your love for your husband. You still have that left as well. As painful as it is and at times it tortures me I ache for him so bad, it's mine forever and no one can ever take it from me. It's odd but as the shock wears off and the further out I get, my memories of him are becoming clearer and clearer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 27, 2020 Author Moderators Report Share Posted July 27, 2020 It's the everyday stuff in life with him that I most miss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Sue4 Posted July 29, 2020 Guests Report Share Posted July 29, 2020 On 7/17/2020 at 7:31 AM, Rhonda R said: You are afraid it will be even more painful? How can it be? I think I’m fearful of having to re-live the last traumatic day of my husband’s life with a therapist. I’m still in shock and traumatized over his passing. Maybe down the road. I’m only at 3 months now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Yoli Posted July 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted July 29, 2020 Sue I did just this thing today. Reliving the last morning with a therapist. It took a long while to actually get the words out but for me they needed to be out. I have spoken of most but not all aspects before. The pain of seeing the person I love the most in her last moments is too big to even label. I relive the last morning regardless of talking about it or not. Human nature I guess. Today I even said out loud something that I had been harbouring deep down inside and it felt good to verbalize it. This is just my experience and each one of us will be different. I am still feeling my way and living day by day. Do things your way and in your time. Take Care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 29, 2020 Author Moderators Report Share Posted July 29, 2020 6 hours ago, Yoli said: Sue I did just this thing today. Reliving the last morning with a therapist. It took a long while to actually get the words out but for me they needed to be out. I have spoken of most but not all aspects before. The pain of seeing the person I love the most in her last moments is too big to even label. I relive the last morning regardless of talking about it or not. Human nature I guess. Today I even said out loud something that I had been harbouring deep down inside and it felt good to verbalize it. This is just my experience and each one of us will be different. I am still feeling my way and living day by day. Do things your way and in your time. Take Care I couldn't agree more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Sue4 Posted July 30, 2020 Guests Report Share Posted July 30, 2020 21 hours ago, Yoli said: The pain of seeing the person I love the most in her last moments is too big to even label. I relive the last morning regardless of talking about it or not. Yes, I have this endless video in my head of his last hours on this planet, which I’m sure has given me PTSD. The thought of having to recount that sounds even more traumatizing. I am getting some comfort from some books, videos and websites that have helped me understand what my mind is doing to me. I do have conversations with my husband (urn) and beg for reassurance that he did not suffer too much. I hope he is resting in peace and free from all suffering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Yoli Posted July 30, 2020 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2020 Sue What ever gets you through each day, and helps in any small way, cling to that. Would be interested to know which website/videos you look at. I too ask for reassurance about the suffering. The thought just shatters my heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Sue4 Posted August 1, 2020 Guests Report Share Posted August 1, 2020 @Yoli Yoli, I have been reading so much and watching so many videos by so many experts(since I don’t sleep)but a few stand out for me in my grieving. Julia Samuel (UK) has Youtube videos, website and books that have been really been spot on for me. I’m reading a book now by Megan Devine called “Its Ok That You’re Not OK” and it is putting into words what I feel. She also has a good website. FB page and YouTube videos that have spoken to me. I’ve also gotten through a lot of material by David Kessler- books, videos, website , FB page and he’s excellent. All three have suffered losses and seem to perfectly understand what I am going through. Happy reading and viewing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 1, 2020 Author Moderators Report Share Posted August 1, 2020 9 hours ago, Sue4 said: Its Ok That You’re Not OK A favorite! Our pastor has even quoted from it several times. In addition to what you've already read, here's a list turned in by posters on another forum: https://www.griefhealingblog.com/p/grief-bibliography_21.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Sue4 Posted August 2, 2020 Guests Report Share Posted August 2, 2020 Thank you KayC! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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