Guests Guest Sue4 Posted June 19, 2020 Guests Report Share Posted June 19, 2020 Has anyone seen real benefit from a professional counselor/psychologist in dealing with the trauma and pain of a spouse’s unexpected death? If so, how many sessions/months, etc. seemed to help? I am floundering in a fog of pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MODArtemis2019 Posted June 19, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 19, 2020 Hi Sue, I am so sorry for your loss and I understand the floundering in a fog of pain. I would be in much worse shape without my therapist. After one year, I am still seeing her, usually every two weeks. But that's me. I had what you might call "pre-existing" mental health issues. Regardless, she is a my anchor that keeps me from floating off into the dreadful void. How many sessions are needed is very individual, hard to predict, and not very useful to know at this point. If you want to pursue therapy, try a step-wise approach: Find a therapist. Have a session. See how it feels. Go from there. You can look online for grief therapists in your area. (here for example: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/grief). In my area, the local hospice organization provides grief services to anyone in the area, whether or not you used the hospice. But a therapist doesn't have to be grief-certified to be good (mine is not, for example). CBT (https://psychcentral.com/lib/in-depth-cognitive-behavioral-therapy/) is a type of talk therapy that is very goal-oriented and supposedly takes less time. Sometimes friends or family can recommend someone from personal experience. I do encourage you to reach out to a caring professional for help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 19, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted June 19, 2020 The "grief counselor" I went to (only one for miles around) was anything but, he was awful! But I got lucky, I found a grief site which was owned and administered by a grief counselor with a degree in Thanatology. She was amazing. She created a grief course, has countless articles on her site, lists of books, gave advice, she was amazing, I have learned so much from her over the years! To say she made a difference is an understatement. I highly recommend getting grief counseling, and if the first one doesn't resonate with you, try another, it can make all the difference in the world! After a time you may want to try a grief support group as well. After several years of learning and gathering information I started my own group and love it. We aren't meeting right now, many groups are canceled due to the pandemic, but we keep in touch by phone and I look forward to it starting up again when everything permits. So hard to get by without those hugs! In addition to MODArtemis' links, here's a couple more to read: http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/10/seeing-specialist-in-grief-counseling.html https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2010/04/finding-grief-support-that-is-right-for.html https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-support-groups-positives-and-pitfalls/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Missy1 Posted June 20, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 20, 2020 My perspective, noooooo to therapists! I have had bad experiences with them. I guess I’m the kind of person that feels like I need to get down in my own mind and figure this out if I can do it it’ll be stronger I’ll survive if I can’t do it then I won’t survive and that’s OK to! I have degrees in psychology and I do not feel that someone who has not lost their spouse would be able to really understand and help. They are great at throwing the book learning at you but there is no soul in it. I love this forum because we are real!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Sue4 Posted June 20, 2020 Guests Report Share Posted June 20, 2020 @MODArtemis2019 @KayC @Missy1 Thank you all for the information and your personal experiences. I’m not sure how I’ll be able to interact with a therapist, telling a stranger about my personal life but, at this point I need to try something because I’m not doing well. I’ve been more of a researcher in the past when I want to solve something so, I’ll also look at the different resources you’ve suggested and start researching those. I have such limited brain energy these days, that “work” is very slow going. thanks again for your insight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Missy1 Posted June 20, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 20, 2020 Therapy helps some people, I don’t want to physically interact with a stranger either, I know how that sounds because on this forum we are essentially strangers but I can choose to interact or just lurk. I am not forced to start workbooks or do assignments or be assessed by anyone. I am a researcher to, I like to get the information and choose weather to not how or if it applies to me. It feels so forced to me. I feel like therapy is good if you are seeking someone to listen to you and give you advice, it’s too intrusive to me. Some people thrive under a good therapist, it’s just whatever feels right for you. No judgement just my opinion, I hope I didn’t offend anyone I am just a person expressing my own thoughts on this. i would say give it a try, it does help many people. I tied it a couple times before I gave up. As many have said it may take a few tries to find the right therapist. Definitely try it for yourself to determine weather it’s right for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Sue4 Posted June 21, 2020 Guests Report Share Posted June 21, 2020 @Missy1 Thanks Missy1. I’m willing to try a session but, your point above about the therapist needing to understand the loss of a spouse makes sense. I have never experienced such pain, depression, and even suicidal feelings in my life so, it would be good if a counselor could empathize with those feelings instead of speaking from textbook knowledge. Im motivated to talk with someone by the fact that I’m not even at week 7 and I can see from reading on this site that this suffering can go on for many months and years. I don’t think I will last that long without some relief/help..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jwahlquist Posted June 21, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 21, 2020 @Sue4 Like I said before it has helped me. But you have to find the right therapist for you and you have to be comfortable with them. Mine hasn’t asked me to do workbooks or read grief books or anything like that. He has talked me through things to try to help me feel better. Maybe you will find it helpful and maybe it won’t be for you. I never thought I would be someone that needed therapy or antidepressants. But then again I never thought my husband would pass away while we were in our 40’s either. I hope you find someone that helps you feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 21, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted June 21, 2020 A person can't know unless they've tried it and even then I'd recommend try, try again as sometimes it can take three times to get the right one for you, but if you find the right one, they're worth it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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