Feeling so empty in life. I miss my baby.

[I love my Basset Hound]

Came home after a long day of work again and the loneliness begins. The hurt pain and tears comes out as if I had lost her today. It’s been exactly 21 days now and the pain hurts so bad and I don’t even want to get use to her not being around. It’s like I can’t accept and don’t want to move on. I treat her ashes as if it was still her. When I wake up I carry her down and put her on couch and when I got to bed I carry her back up to put on her pillow she always sleeps on next to me. At work when I see ppl pass by walking their dog I just start to tear and think to myself how lucky they are to have their loved one with them and it’s such a blessing to see the bond between both. I miss my honey girl so much. Life has been hard and sometimes I feel sad I wouldn’t mind getting in an accident or something just so I can be with my honey again. She is my world and now I have nothing. I have guilt of how she past and replay of me carrying her to the vet for the last time kills me so f**king much I just can’t anymore. Her precious eyes looking back at me and trusting me but I trusted the wrong vet who said I had a chance and you would come next day but it was your time and passed that night. Oh god, please give me sign or anything that she’s okay, I’m going crazy rethinking everything that had happen and my heart is in so much pain. I miss her so much I’ve never felt anything so deep like this.

 

 

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[AJWCat]

Please remember that your intentions were nothing but pure. You had no idea what the situation was - with the vet or her health - you simply did what you thought was best at the time.  Your sweet girl was at her time and passed peacefully even though not at home. You need to forgive yourself and stop blaming yourself. You do not deserve that. Go easy on yourself. It's still very early too. The pain won't always be so awful.

I wish I could say more. I am so sorry you are going through this, my heart breaks for you.  

[KayC]

I agree...however I also know that we can tell ourselves things rationally but that doesn't necessarily stop our FEELINGS.  I hope in time you will be able to fully realize you were following the expert's advice and had no way of knowing it was the last time you'd see her alive.  I felt that way about Arlie too, the nagging thought that his cancer should have been caught sooner while it was still treatable.  I took him for all his appts, why didn't they catch it?  They were the doctors, not me!  But they didn't.  I feel I let him down, he trusted me to take care of him, he could still be here...on and on the thoughts go.  But AJWCat is right, we do our best, we rely on the vets.  It is the vet that let her down, not you.

It is still very early in your journey.  Oh God, I feel the tears welling up inside of me even now...this can take a long time to lessen but it will.  I don't cry everyday now.  But the pain, the empty spot is still there inside of me, even with sweet little Kodie here, it doesn't alleviate the pain of loving & missing Arlie.  What it does do is gives me someone to love, someone who loves me, and fills a void of needing someone else here.  He is adorable and it does help.  But no one, NO ONE will ever replace my sweet Arlie.  I know you feel that for yours too.  Sending you thoughts and prayers for some comfort and peace, knowing you are the best mom there ever was...so was I.