Seriously struggling with my dads sudden death

[BNT]

Hi, 

 

Don't know why I'm typing this but I just wanted to talk. My dad died 7 months ago out of the blue. SUdden cardiac death due to artherosclerosis of his right coronary artery. I randomly woke up at 01.44 with a missed call from from my mom at 01.41. My phone was on silent so it was pure luck I woke up and decided to check my phone.

 

I spoke to the paramedics and they said he was in asystole, and they tried shocking him 5 times. I am still now in absolute disbelief. He was super healthy, didn;t drink, didn;t smoke, trained 4 times a week, was a healthy weight, no conditions apart form rheumatoid arthritis.

I still don't know how it went down fully because I'm too afraid to make my little sister talk through the details as it would be too painful. She says she can't get the image of him foaming at the mouth turning purple clutching his chest out out of her head. The hardest thing is that apparently my mom and sister waited 10-12 minutes before calling the ambulance (not sure why). I am in no way mad at them at all, I said they did everything right as I would never want the guilt on them.

 

As the months went on they felt the pain, and I shoved it down, trying to focus on study and managing the family and everything. I can't even think about my dad without overwhelming grief. The sheer thought of the fear and panic he must have been in as he was dying is unbearable to me. Crying as I write this as I can't even speak his name without becoming overwhelmed or look at photos or anything. He was the greatest dad in the world. I never wanted for anything and he was my best friend. I am so angry and so sad that he is gone, and I have no answers as to how or why or anything. I don't even know if the doctor missed anything, but its tearing me apart so much that I just have to ignore my feelings in order to get through a day. I don;t know if I'm looking for advice or why I write this but I can't speak to anyone about it because I don't want to hurt my family.

 

He was so healthy, and fit, and regularly went for checkups, and I'm so so so mad that people out there abuse themselves and are morbidly obese who don't do anything and tey're alive and my dad isn't. It is so unfair and I am so furious at the world and so distraught all the time, but I can't talk about it to anyone.

 

 

[Kevin8988]

Thanks for writing.  You are very lucky to have a wonderful dad. His love will stay with you forever.  

[reader]

Dear BNT,

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is hard to comprehend how a parent could have passed away. It's been 4 years and I still don't understand it. Please know how you are feeling and thinking is a normal part of the grief process. It was the rawest I have ever been. Thinking about the would haves, could haves and should haves is part of the process. This website provided me with a lot of support and I hope it will help you as well.

https://whatsyourgrief.com/guilt-and-grief-2/

It's okay to talk about it and think and feel as you do. I hope you will seek out additional supports in the community or through church. 

We are with you.

 

 

[Epping Forest]

My father died one month ago today. I am still in shock as he also died suddenly. The only difference being is that my dad was 87 years old. He was not a young man by any means. But it was still sudden. He was a healthy and active person.

BNT, I have found that in the last four weeks that I have concentrated on gratitude. I went through some very strange feelings - shame, guilt, anger, fear. But I found that when I concentrated on gratitude I felt better. I went for long walks and thought about the great things that my dad did for us when we were all kids. And the more I thought about this, the more I found that there were dozens of stories.

I started to write these down. Not to show anyone but just to help me concentrate on them. It has helped me a lot.