Members brebram Posted July 7, 2011 Members Report Share Posted July 7, 2011 On April 13, 2011 at 9:15pm I delivered my daughter Olivia stillborn by c-section. Her cord was in a knot around her ankle. I was 37 weeks pregnant. She is my first child. I suppose I have been getting along fairly well under the circumstance. I'm back to work, I try to keep busy. I have bad days. And everything reminds me of her. Some days I feel like being torn inside out. And now I feel as though I was never pregnant at all. Like it was all just a bad dream. And that feeling scares me more than anything. I talk about her whenever I have the opportunity and/or feeling up to it. To me, it helps keep her alive. I wanted her so badly. And I'm so, so angry that she was taken. My fiance and I would have been wonderful parents. We were so excited for her, and all of a sudden the rug is out from under us. I'm really good about putting on a strong front and many of my friends consistently tell me how strong I am and how I'm taking this with such grace. And I appreciate it, because the kind words do help. But another part of me wants to ask, are you kidding? I am not strong about this. I feel like my insides have been ripped out. And actually, they literally have. I fear this will not get better. And I fear that some day she will fade away in my thoughts and memories and I try so hard to keep her alive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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