Members Larissa Posted April 27, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 27, 2020 Has anyone lost everything Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dey Posted April 28, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 Larissa.. I don't know about everything, but I lost most precious persons in my life in the span of 10 months, my father and my dear husband just 2,5 weeks ago. I don't know about your story, but I feel you're in so much pain, maybe because I'm in pain too so I can sense yours a bit. I'm sending you lots of prayers from the other side of the planet. <<hug>> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 28, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 I am sorry for both of your losses. Even if loss happens gradually it still feels very quick. What country are you in? thank you for sending me hugs and prayers i don’t really know why I’m still alive after loosing everything. I still have my dogs to take care of even if I do have to live out of my car now and eat at the shelter. I still have them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jwahlquist Posted April 28, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 I am sorry for your loss/losses. It is so hard to keep moving forward when you lose your world. I am sure your dogs are wonderful company and love you very much. Animals have the ability to love us unconditionally and they don’t care about where home is as long as their people are there. I haven’t lost everything but I did lose my husband of 22 years. My daughter lost her father and best friend. We lost the person who made our house a home. We lost our primary provider and protector. I lost my best friend and the love of my life. The rest of the world seems to have kept going and I am stuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 28, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 I completely understand. I lost my job and can’t get it back which led to me losing my home then my husband of 15 years left because the trauma of me losing my job in the fashion in which it happened was too much to handle. He literally was my reason for living and my job was my identity. I have no friends or family and he definitely was my only protector. I am forced now to live in my car or at the woman’s shelter but I still have my dogs with me as they have always been true to me. Other people I know have moved on and had kids and got promoted and got houses etc etc and no one has suffered like I have probably except you for losing your husband. I have been stuck for 4 years now and people thought I had no reason to live before but now I really do have no reason to live now. I was so desperate I even went to psychics to see if there was a different outcome but they all said my life was a “ tragic” story. I really don’t know what to do because quite frankly there is nothing to do and no one to do it with and I am very very young to have lost my way in life. It was my biggest fear and it came true. Everyday is a living nightmare and my life before had so much meaning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 28, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 Honestly jwhalquist, the good news is you have your daughter right? But I understand you 100 percent when you say you are stuck and the world moved on and you lost your protector. I am in the same situation but a million times worse (they are both bad). And it happened so quickly. I try to recall the steps everyday in my mind but they don’t make sense to me at all. I try to bargain with the universe to try to have a different outcome but it is the same everytime. I don’t know if you have the same feelings or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted April 28, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 Larissa, did you lose your husband to divorce rather than death? You have hit a number of setbacks but none of which can't be overcome. I'm sorry for your pain, I can't imagine. I lost my job three times during the recession and came close to losing everything (this after losing my husband) but made it through. When my husband died we owed out $72,000 and I had $120 in the bank. My sister paid for his cremation. Same sister wouldn't take me to the hospital when he had his heart attack so she may have paid out of guilt...she wanted to stay and gamble instead. We were at a Sisters Reunion, which we had once a year. It was all a shock. I had ridden with her, 4 1/2 hours away. She later told me "Well I didn't know he was going to die!" Yeah, that's what major heart attacks generally do, that's why we take them seriously. I'm glad you have your dogs for comfort. Sounds like a women's shelter would be better than a homeless shelter, you need not only a roof and food but a hand up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 28, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 Yes, he couldn’t handle the stress of me losing my career because I couldn’t handle it either. I was WAY on top of the food chain shall we say. I can honestly say I wish one of us would have passed away because divorce is far worse. Someone’s life goes on the the other just deteriorated even further into nothingness and meaninglessness even though I do have my dogs. there are some wise staff at the shelter and I went from a mansion in San Diego to their steps and my car. I would never have imagined in a million years this would happen to me of all people. Honestly, if you knew me you wouldn’t either. You are so lucky you have friends and family. They are everything other than a spouse. And a true love at that. I wish he wasn’t the one but what do you do when you lose the one and it was mostly your fault. I wish I had “normal” people problems like a bad hair day or a nail falling out or chipping but my life is nowhere near normal. If you can believe it it went from super normal to super abnormal in a relatively short amount of time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted April 28, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 4 hours ago, Larissa said: I can honestly say I wish one of us would have passed away because divorce is far worse I am truly sorry you find yourself in such a painful, difficult place. But I have to tell you that this is not the place to say something like that. You have no idea what it has been and is like for us to lose our soulmates to death. Many members here have been through divorce at some point in their lives. I think they would likely say that as horrible that is, it does not compare to what they're going through now. I haven't been divorced, so I have no direct experience, but I have had friends go through it and they have been devastated. One of the things we try not to do here is make comparisons. For each of us, our own loss is the worst in the world, so I'm not unsympathetic to your own situation and pain. But do not tell me that divorce is far worse than me losing the love of my life to cancer. It isn't. It might help you to visit the forum here for loss through divorce. I'm not saying instead of this forum, but the members there will be more likely to understand and be able to help you because they are going through similar situations. Almost everyone on this forum has lost his or her love to death, which is a hell all its own. And I mean it when I say that I'm so sorry you are going through losing so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 28, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2020 I agree with you foreverhis losing your love one to death is the awful. I would have rather lost my husband to him leaving me then to him dying. Because if he left me I could have tried to win him back but this way with him dying I cant just win him back and correct any wrongs that I did he is gone forever, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jwahlquist Posted April 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 11 hours ago, Larissa said: I am in the same situation but a million times worse (they are both bad). I guess I am trying really hard to understand your perspective and struggling with it. I understand that you have lost a lot and that has to be hard to take but it doesn’t make it a million times worse than the situation anyone else is in here.......it is just different. 9 hours ago, Larissa said: I can honestly say I wish one of us would have passed away because divorce is far worse. Someone’s life goes on the the other just deteriorated even further into nothingness and meaninglessness even though I do have my dogs. I am going to echo what @foreverhis said. Losing my husband so unexpectedly to an illness is a completely different kind of hell. Divorce is not worse. My daughter would still have a father in her life if I lost my husband to divorce. And my in-laws would still have their son. Losses involved in the death of a spouse impact people besides just the spouse. I also agree with @peach_2003 losing someone to divorce would also mean that at least there is a chance to make amends. With death you don’t get that chance to make different choices to change the outcome. I would have even settled for my husband and I being just friends at that point because my daughter having a father would have been preferable to losing him forever. I am sorry you are in pain and that your situation is rough. I hope things get better for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Missy1 Posted April 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 12 hours ago, Larissa said: I completely understand. I lost my job and can’t get it back which led to me losing my home then my husband of 15 years left because the trauma of me losing my job in the fashion in which it happened was too much to handle. He literally was my reason for living and my job was my identity. I have no friends or family and he definitely was my only protector. I am forced now to live in my car or at the woman’s shelter but I still have my dogs with me as they have always been true to me. Other people I know have moved on and had kids and got promoted and got houses etc etc and no one has suffered like I have probably except you for losing your husband. I have been stuck for 4 years now and people thought I had no reason to live before but now I really do have no reason to live now. I was so desperate I even went to psychics to see if there was a different outcome but they all said my life was a “ tragic” story. I really don’t know what to do because quite frankly there is nothing to do and no one to do it with and I am very very young to have lost my way in life. It was my biggest fear and it came true. Everyday is a living nightmare and my life before had so much meaning. Sorry your husband left you, it can hurt very deeply. But I would have to say that he is alive and youonce had a good job so if you can find the strength to pull yourself up and get another good job and maybe someday be able to repair your relationship with your husband you still have hope. As long as there is life there is hope. I don’t have any hope, my husband is gone forever, I cry and hurt every day. I am thankful I still have a job still and do have a place to live. I work as hard as I can every day to keep my job because with this pandemic layoffs are happening everywhere and I am scared all the time! I live on a thin budget and am emotionally fragile, living day to day. I wish you luck, life is tragic, I struggle every day, keep your faith and try to be strong. Most here have faced big life challenges, losing their partner in life, their primary support and love of our lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 i agree missy I still have my job( although I am off work right now because I am to emotional to work) but I will still have my job when I can go back to work. Yet it doesn't seem to matter to me because the one person I want to share the rest of my life with is gone and I can never have back no matter how much I pray and wish I know it can never happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Larissa Posted April 29, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 Hi missy No there is no hope for me eithwr once I lost my job my husband held on for theee years but when I could not get it back he left and is gone forever even though there was their love there and would have been for many many years had I been able to support us. It’s the same as him dying except now He moves on with his life and I am stuck with no means to support myself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted April 29, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 18 hours ago, foreverhis said: You have no idea what it has been and is like for us to lose our soulmates to death. Yes, I have been through both, I can honestly say death was much harder for me because he was my soulmate, best friend, we were everything to each other and it was a horrid shock to me. I literally did not know where to start, how to live without him here. I have been through three divorces, but George is the only one who ever truly loved me completely and reciprocally. It's like comparing apples to oranges, they are not the same at all. Comparisons tend to devalue what one is going through so the number one rule to learn on grief sites is DON'T TRY TO COMPARE LOSS." It has also been said, "The hardest loss there is, is your own." One of the positives I've learned about going through divorce is you're often fueled by anger which can help you with getting past it. My kids' dad and I were married 23 years and he got a divorce. Although I never felt loved by him, we were a family, I cared about him, and I still find mixed feelings where he is concerned. I wish it could have worked but under the circumstances it wasn't bound to. You will have mixed feelings regarding your marriage too, if you're honest, because it did NOT work it was not as perfect as you might remember it being. It's not just a matter of circumstances, it is also how we respond to circumstances that tells us the strength of our union. On my other grief site we have a Loss of Love Relationship section for those who break up, not from death, because it really is a different thing and hard for one to relate to the other. 14 hours ago, jwahlquist said: I am sorry you are in pain and that your situation is rough. I hope things get better for you. I think this is all of our wish for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted April 29, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 You might want a moderator to move this thread to here: https://forums.grieving.com/index.php?/forum/40-divorce-or-ending-of-a-relationship-not-related-to-a-physical-loss/ or here: https://forums.grieving.com/index.php?/forum/74-loss-of-a-relationship-not-to-death/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peach_2003 Posted April 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 Yes I feel that death is much worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKatB Posted April 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 1 hour ago, KayC said: You might want a moderator to move this thread to here: She has been asked to move her comments to the divorce board. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted April 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2020 @ModKatB That's great. I hope so much that the members there can give her advice, comfort, help, and just a listening ear (so to speak). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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