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My Dad had a stroke on May  25, 2018 he was also in the early stages of Dementia.  I drove from     Florida to Georgia every weekend for two years.  Sometimes I would stay with him for weeks at a time because my Mom had open heart surgery so she was in Jacksonville for almost 3 months.  The one weekend I decided not to go up their since it was.my 50th birthday I wanted to celebrate it with my husband and son.  I get a call from my brother that I needed to get to Georgia because my Dad took a turn for the worse.  I was with him when he took his last breath on 1/6/20.  The guilt is eating me up because I didn't go home that weekend.  I could have spent those 4 days with him, he was talking and doing fine.  I missed my opportunity to be with him because I was selfish.  I 

I feel I can't talk to anyone.  I'm at a loss.

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Dear Suz,

I'm sorry for your loss. You are a loving and kind daughter. You did the best you could taking that long drive to be with your father. And you also had your husband and son to care about too. We women are always under so much stress. Trying to be there for everyone in our lives. We want so much to be there 120% for everyone but its hard. You were not selfish for trying to take one day to be with your husband and son. How could you have known your father would take a turn on that specific day and that weekend? None of us know.

Guilt is a natural emotion but you did nothing wrong. I too have terrible guilt about my father and his passing. Its been four years and I still beat myself up. I think about all the mistakes I made and the harm I caused him. Everyone says its part of the grief journey we all go through. I wish I was more eloquent but I hope you know you are not alone and you did nothing wrong. Your dad would have understood. I found these articles helpful in understanding my feelings at:

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog

What's Your Grief.

Thinking of you. Please know we are with you.

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