Jump to content

Grieving from Unwanted divorce


Recommended Posts

  • Members
Becky Fletcher

Looking for anyone that is going through the grieving process of an unwanted divorce that was sprung on them in a matter of days. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I am hardly able to function

the grief is immense. You are not alone. It’s all I have now other than my dogs. Had a storybook life until I made too many mistakes that were not able to be overcome. I am lost confused and all alone. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
heartsick123

This is me!!  Although I guess it wasn't sprung, I know it was going to be a possibility.  I just thought will all my heart we would work it out as we are destined to be together.  Denial hs been my friend.  My hear hurts so bad, Life punched me in the face.  So many regrets if anyone has a time machine please loan it to me.  

Hoping to find peace, with time.  Taking day by day.

Any advise with share

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi heartsick,

 

I unfortunately don’t have any advice as I am spinning. I lost everything if one can believe it. Very lucrative important career, house, husband and now dog is dying and I have no money for surgery. This honestly sounds fake as I write it but it is no joke. It can actually get this bad. I am sure she was your soulmate as my husband was mine. I simply can’t belive it is happening to me of all people as I’m sure you feel the same way. Peace would be amazing but I haven’t felt peace for about 8 years.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
gayepopovich

Every day I try to deny this grief. My husband left me as soon as I became pregnant. I didn't expect this. He said that he wanted an easy marriage and didn't plan children in it. But he didn't tell me this before, and I was sure that he would be glad of this news. But he left home, and a week later I received a divorce papers Florida, which he sent me by mail. I'm now 9 months pregnant and still afraid that my experience will affect the psyche of the baby. But I can’t do anything with my inner state.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

The grief is undeniable. It’s constant and relentless. I’m sorry he felt so adamantly about not having kids. I regret not having a child and it’s a huge or was a huge problem. I know everything would have been ok and we would have been a family if I would have had a child and tragedy didn’t struck before I was able.

where did he go? Is he not coming back at all? What does he say if you say you want to work it out?

You are already a good mom that you are worried about the baby’s health. Not many women even care about that. I know my mom didn’t 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I'm two and a half years out from abandonment. My ex left out of the blue in Oct. 2017.  He had told me he wanted a divorce in about the worst possible way... He was texting one of his brothers about it, holding the phone away so I couldn't see it.. I said "I'm not going to look at your phone, but who are you texting, anyway?" He lacked courage to the extent that he chose to do it that way, and with the brother he doesn't even like. For a week or two, while he was still around, he wouldn't talk to me. I lent him money to go out of town and he spent the time with a female friend...(he had a number of female friends and I tended not to be jealous -- Even though he was jealous and I limited communication with male friends, I respected that he needed friends.). When we talked while he was out of town, he was in a bar somewhere with her and said "this place is too hip for us." I thought he meant he and I ... He was talking about the two of them. Anyway, after he got back in town, he went out of town again, and instead of coming home he went to live in a campground. These stories are always bad, no matter the details. I too, like someone else, lost one of my dogs during the whole nasty process (Had to have him put to sleep a year after ex left, and the countercompliant from his attorney arrived later that day -- Ugly language about alleging marital misconduct if I didn't agree to terms. I had filed a year after he left.). I still reel from it. It still is hard to comprehend it, 13 months out now from the divorce. Before the pandemic, I was already isolated. We had to sell our house. I moved to a different state a year and a half ago. I've tried to reconnect with old friends. The ones who do respond are SO IMPORTANT TO ME. I want to validate the shock and whatever you are feeling. I know for me, it didn't help for people to say "he's a narcissist" or "I never liked him anyway," or anything like that. I don't mind it so much now. I thought he and I had a good relationship and a good marriage. I'm 18 years older and didn't really know that we'd always be married, but I thought we would make the decision to end the marriage together. Vikki Stark's books are helpful (one of them is called Planet Heartbreak) and she sends out emails every so often, has videos on Youtube, about abandonment syndrome and other things.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
60 and starting over

I was married 42 years 8 lived with my daughter. My husband is a good man but he was selfish let me manage our lives I was exhausted. I left because I finally put up a boundary. He couldn’t take it and became erratic and aggressive. I hoped to stay married but live apart me with my daughter. Finally a 78 year old woman lured him in.  He forced a divorce. I lost so much including my healthcare. Weeks after the divorce he remarried and then found out he has an aggressive stage 4 cancer. So I sacrificed to make him happy and he’s going to die. It’s like losing him twice. My adult children tell me it’s none of my business. How do you stop caring after 42 years???? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Samslightly

Mine was sprung on me, although that was last September. I should've seen it coming. He needed a green card when we got married and earlier last year, the permanent card came.  Now we live separately and he is rekindling his relationship with his ex that he was with right before me. I feel so foolish and alone. I gave my all to the relationship to just feel used at the end. I'm sometimes still in denial about all, thinking we'll work things out and that he wasn't using me but the reality is there. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Demetria

Been with my husband 17 years, married last five.  He has always been a alcoholic since 13 but a year before meeting me he was sober and all through out our relationship and marriage sober-13 years. He had 2 deaths in 2017 and started again, but this week told me he was prior to and the deaths gave him the okay to drink. It was a shock he’d start drinking, and we were still doing good with our relationship until 2020 when the drinking really was out of control and some drug use. It hurt our relationship because he only drank non stop.  Wouldn’t help me around house or do anything. I struggled maintaining household, he’s addiction my job. You’d try to spend time doing things but he’d always pass out. I mean drank 24x7 and I was more of a caretaker then a wife.   He then went to a female coworker who was living with a guy she claimed she loved but he didn’t pay her attention and she needed attention. Husband agreed to extended detox rehab 2 attempt. I was hopeful a fresh start for us in our new home.  However 1 month home he starts drinking after 3 months sober and claims we aren’t connected or intimate he was leaving to sort things out. I tried telling him this past year he was intoxicated daily and nightly. I couldn’t talk with him he’d pass out. He never wanted to do anything other then drink. But he made me feel I wasn’t there for him.  He left and 3 weeks later returns to basically say he loved me and knows drinking causing us issues. However a week he refuses to work, drinks feels anger depressed. I had to hospitalize him and it was then I learned he left me to go be with the coworker who was already living with a man. He committed adultery and as she had my husband abandon his marriage she starts sleeping with another coworker and dumped my husband.  Yes I should have left him right there.  But I truly love my husband and wanted our marriage so we agreed to work thru this infidelity.   We were until lord behold here comes the woman again. She dumped the other coworker and wanted to be friends with my husband. Oh hell no I insisted. But of course I’m told there isn’t anything between them just friends and she wanted him to help her start a pool company with her. He tells me we can use the money and I keep telling him no. All summer long last year he spends excessive time with her. She drinks too so they’d work and drink afterwards him not coming home. I’d argue it’s not normal it’s hurting me and our marriage.  They both played their game and her enjoying the hunt knowing as she said “I know I’m more important to you than your wife “. Told me when I confronted her “I can have him any time I want”. Now again she is still involved with the guy she lived with while screwing my husband and another coworker but he wed my husband as her only friend spending time together her crying on the phone him running to her. I finally said enough in February when he tried to bring her to our home. I packed his bag.. only for him to cry to her what should he do and her texting me don’t you know what a awesome husband you have. Go make up and tell him your sorry for packing his bags. I called the trash up and told her to stay out of my marriage.  March he tells me his feelings changed for me and we might as well call it quits. Denies she has anything to do with it says he changed.  May he filed for divorce..  been in separate bedrooms since March and he just changed the separation agreement to allow him to stay in house longer then original 30 days.  Claims there is nothing with the woman more like a sister. Continues to drink and his family and this woman blame me even know they know he’s drank all his life but was sober with me until these last 5 years.    I have such pain it’s unbearable!  Talking, therapy, medications, talk to my Pastor… trying to take each minute at a time. I can’t let go on how we were up until two years ago. Doesn’t he realize that his off the chart drinking and infidelity caused this? Why blame me? He tells me he went to her cuz I pushed him away that year he needed me when he was drinking off the charts.  I told him I didn’t walk away I was beside him every night literally picking him off the floor and getting him to bed. I know I have so much anger pain and heartbreak that it’s a real struggle to go on each day.  I’m my late 50’s I know because of this betrayal and abuse you think I’d let another in?  So I’m now screwed to be alone the rest of my life while he resorts back to his younger drinking and running around days. He’s even chatting on those hook me up sites. Yes I know I was a living devoted faithful wife who was so in love with her husband. And he throws me aside and stomps on me saying I am not doing this to hurt you….  God how do these people live with themselves?  This woman every one who came across her oath knows she’s nothing but trash. Her own husband got custody of her children and that doesn’t happen often tells you what type of person she is.   So whys she gave to come and ruin my marriage?  I know my husband acknowledged he was emotionally involved and I know his drinking caused him to make poor choices. I want to kick him out snd day here you go, you want your freedom go be with your tramp. And enjoy your life.  I know my life feels over cuz I won’t let this happen to me again!  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Divorce was sprung on me just over 6 months ago to someone I was married to for only 4 months and was with for over 3 years… It was out of the blue and unexpected, and it was because of me. I have worked hard to get to where I am but I still have my moments where the guilt and the shame take over. After being together for so long, my ex didn’t want to try anything to work it out. I was kicked out of the house within 24 hours and she didn’t want to engage with me anymore after only a week of being separated…I still can’t process it sometimes. I wonder if I’ll ever find someone who fit me as well as she did, it’s especially harder for me being a lesbian to find someone. I can’t understand how someone can be so cruel to someone they claim they truly loved and who I did my best to make sure she was taken care of and put first. Most days I know I’ll never heal from it and I’ll just accept it for what it is, and that’s saddening too. She refused to even give me closure because it was going to be a conversation that was just going to benefit me and make me feel better about myself. It’s just really hard…

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.