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Anger


mburke

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May 13, 2011 My dad was killed by a 17 year old driving to school. My father was riding his motorcycle like any other day and the teenager pulled out in front of him on a main road. the teen had a stop sign my father didnt. he was at fault completley for hitting my dad. im so anger that the kid didnt look before he went that he took my dad away. a perfectly healthy person he took away. the teens punishment for killing my father was a failure to yield ticket $90. thats it. for taking someones life he got $90. im so angry over everything i thought i would have had more time with my dad. im writting for advice to get over my anger and to except my father is dead. i cant except it and when i try to think about it and except it i refuse. i just need someone to point me in the right direction i guess. or just listen to me to help me except my father isnt coming home.

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Hi mburke

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad, it's hard to lose someone we love, my father passed away suddenly in April. I am just going through all the grieving process myself but I do regard myself as fortunate as my father was in his 70's but nonetheless it is still difficult. I think it's natural to struggle with the acceptance of it all, a person we love is suddenly no longer here with us, it takes awhile for the brain and heart to accept. I can only speak from what I am currently going through with my dad but I've found it's only over the past couple of weeks that I can acknowledge he is gone most of the time (every now and then I will look at a photo of him and for a few seconds I find myself questioning how he can be dead). The acknowledgement part just happened of it's own accord, you can't control the time of grieving in my view, but you can assist it by seeking out help from others, like this forum, a counselor or good friends who will sit and listen to you vent when you need to.

I can't speak in respect of losing someone to an accident, although my dad's death is under investigation by the coroners as to if he had the correct medical care prior to his death but regardless of what the investigation shows, it doesn't bring my dad back and as human's (unfortunately at times), we all make mistakes.

I don't like saying that things get easier, I choose to think we just learn how to deal with what's happened but it's damn hard. Have you got family that you can talk to or good friends? Have you considered talking to a counselor who can give you different coping mechanisms? For me, I needed to talk continuously about my father in the beginning ,to anyone that would listen, I now say goodnight to him every night when I look at his photo and I talk to him a lot throughout my day. Don't pressure yourself with the grieving process and acceptance, it will all happen in it's own time but talking to people does help.

Take care, my thoughts will be with you

Dmc44

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May 13, 2011 My dad was killed by a 17 year old driving to school. My father was riding his motorcycle like any other day and the teenager pulled out in front of him on a main road. the teen had a stop sign my father didnt. he was at fault completley for hitting my dad. im so anger that the kid didnt look before he went that he took my dad away. a perfectly healthy person he took away. the teens punishment for killing my father was a failure to yield ticket $90. thats it. for taking someones life he got $90. im so angry over everything i thought i would have had more time with my dad. im writting for advice to get over my anger and to except my father is dead. i cant except it and when i try to think about it and except it i refuse. i just need someone to point me in the right direction i guess. or just listen to me to help me except my father isnt coming home.

MBurke,

I am very sorry about the loss of your father. Anger is certainly a part of the grieving process, and what you are experiencing is well within a normal grieving process. Of course you are mad. One of the things you can do is to write out your feeling in a journal, or pour them out here. Releasing your pent up emotions by talking through your pain or writing it down can really help.

Do you have any family to talk to about this? What about a faith-based support system at your place of worship? Of course, we will be here to listen and support you. Feel free to vent as much as you need to; that's why we are here.

ModKonnie

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May 13, 2011 My dad was killed by a 17 year old driving to school. My father was riding his motorcycle like any other day and the teenager pulled out in front of him on a main road. the teen had a stop sign my father didnt. he was at fault completley for hitting my dad. im so anger that the kid didnt look before he went that he took my dad away. a perfectly healthy person he took away. the teens punishment for killing my father was a failure to yield ticket $90. thats it. for taking someones life he got $90. im so angry over everything i thought i would have had more time with my dad. im writting for advice to get over my anger and to except my father is dead. i cant except it and when i try to think about it and except it i refuse. i just need someone to point me in the right direction i guess. or just listen to me to help me except my father isnt coming home.

I can't even begin to express my sadness at your father's untimely death. I'm also share your anger and am sorry that this teen only got a fine of $90. That does seem unfair.

I am in shock still over my dad's passing and it was not an accident. Everything takes time and grief is a rollercoaster, as they say. You have to ride it and take your time to be you during this difficult period. My dad died a week after yours, BTW. It seems like yesterday.

In sincere sympathy,

P.

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thanks for the support everyone. its nice to talk to someone who isnt in the family and will listen. the kid that hit my dad is going to court on the 20th of this month and i plan on going. ive had alot of family members say its not a good idea but i feel it will fill in the spot that missing. im worried about finally facing him i havent ever seen him but i want and need to. yesterday was 2 months since the accident and it still feels like im waiting for my dad to come home. i know hes never going to but i would give anything to see him one more time.

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thanks for the support everyone. its nice to talk to someone who isnt in the family and will listen. the kid that hit my dad is going to court on the 20th of this month and i plan on going. ive had alot of family members say its not a good idea but i feel it will fill in the spot that missing. im worried about finally facing him i havent ever seen him but i want and need to. yesterday was 2 months since the accident and it still feels like im waiting for my dad to come home. i know hes never going to but i would give anything to see him one more time.

I think I would go to court too if that were my situation. I am still waiting to hear from the hospital for their reason/apology for how I was treated when my dad died there. I have filed a complaint actually.

You do whatever you feel will give you what you need at the time. My question to you is- please don't take this the wrong way and it's not meant to be that way but what if after you see this driver, you run into him again in your city- is that possible? Because if it is- you know if you're grocery shopping, etc. and you just see someone by coincidence- is that going to be a trigger of sadness and anger for you? That is my only concern. My dad was also hit by a car in 2007 but he survived that and the woman was not charged because it was my dad's fault with his Alzheimers and he misjudged the speed of the car while j-walking at night. She felt terrible though and was only 28- he, 84.

I think you should still go to court if that's what you truly need, though.

There's a movie with Nicole Kidman where she meets the driver who killed her son. I think it's called RABBIT HOLE.

I hope you feel better in a way after you go to court.

I hope the court gives you what you want.

wishing you peace.

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