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What is Wrong with Me?


momtojared

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momtojared

It's been a year since my mother passed away from Ovarian cancer and I can't seem to get back into my normal routine. I thought I was getting past this and moving on with my life, but this weekend I suffered a setback. I got frustrated about something, needed my mom and BOOM! The tears started to flow. My mother has been gone since May 2, 2010 and I still can't get past her death. I feel like everyone in my family; my Dad and brother have moved on and I am the only one suffering. I'm 41 years old and I am crying like a baby! My work is suffering because I can't concentrate and I'm making stupid mistakes. I need help!

I have no one to talk to about this other than my grief counselor who I don't see until two weeks. I feel so alone and I don't know what to do!

Please tell me this is normal!

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It's been a year since my mother passed away from Ovarian cancer and I can't seem to get back into my normal routine. I thought I was getting past this and moving on with my life, but this weekend I suffered a setback. I got frustrated about something, needed my mom and BOOM! The tears started to flow. My mother has been gone since May 2, 2010 and I still can't get past her death. I feel like everyone in my family; my Dad and brother have moved on and I am the only one suffering. I'm 41 years old and I am crying like a baby! My work is suffering because I can't concentrate and I'm making stupid mistakes. I need help!

I have no one to talk to about this other than my grief counselor who I don't see until two weeks. I feel so alone and I don't know what to do!

Please tell me this is normal!

Momtojared,

The year mark is tough to get through for most people, so I'd say this is normal. I am so very sorry about your mother. It doesn't matter how old a person is when their parent dies; it's hard. Your Dad and brother may not be showing their pain, but I'm sure they still suffer from a heavy heart at times.

You can talk to us all you want. We will be here to listen to you.

ModKonnie

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Momtojared

If ever you want someone to email when things get rough, then feel free to email me, if you'd like. I'm only 7 weeks into my grieving as I lost my dad on 24.04.11 but I do know that there are times I just email friends just so I can put into writing what I am actually feeling at that particular time and I do find it helps. I am no expert in dealing with anything but sometimes just someone to vent to is all that is needed.

I know what you mean when you say that you feel alone, I've felt like that lately but through the forums here and friends that I email, I am finding that I never truly need to be alone. I'm in the same age bracket as yourself and when my dad passed away, I was initially telling myself to grow up and act like an adult but then I realised it doesn't matter what age a person is, losing a loved one brings with it tremendous grief. I still can cry at the drop of a hat one day and then the next day I can shoulder the responsibilities of things that need to be done.

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your mother, take care

Dmc44

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dizzydancingway

It's been a year since my mother passed away from Ovarian cancer and I can't seem to get back into my normal routine. I thought I was getting past this and moving on with my life, but this weekend I suffered a setback. I got frustrated about something, needed my mom and BOOM! The tears started to flow. My mother has been gone since May 2, 2010 and I still can't get past her death. I feel like everyone in my family; my Dad and brother have moved on and I am the only one suffering. I'm 41 years old and I am crying like a baby! My work is suffering because I can't concentrate and I'm making stupid mistakes. I need help!

I don't think you should measure your grief against your dad or brother. Women bond differently with mothers. My mom just passed away and while this has been hard on all my family, the loss I'm experience is nowhere near what the loss seems like to my dad and brother (not a loss of more magnitude, just a different loss). I think my mom and I saw more of ourselves in each other, so rather than losing a partner (like my dad is experiencing), I really feel like I am losing a part of myself. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I think we're meant to feel this loss forever. I think the "setbacks" do happen sporadically, though people I know who have lost mothers keep insisting that the severity of them does go away. I'm no expert--I only lost my mom two months ago, but I'm making an active effort to face the pain, to embrace all the horrible feelings that come with losing her, and I think its great that you're letting yourself cry and really miss her. I know its horrible. There's nothing like losing a Mom. But you seem like you're handling things better than you give yourself credit for. You made it one year so far and that's incredible.

I just read Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman and that really really helped me. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. The author lost her mom when was was just a teenager, so much of the book focuses on how young girls cope with the loss of a mom. But the focus on the uniqueness of losing a mom for a woman is, of the family dynamics that are impacted, and the issues that will impact "motherless" daughters was really comforting to read--especially in hearing how much of other girl's and women's experiences reminded me of my own.

Anyhow, there is nothing wrong with you at all! I think you are doing great. Give yourself credit. This is not easy to live through!

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