Members smkileydavis Posted June 1, 2011 Members Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 I am new to this site and have been sort of in a fog since my mom passed May 18th, 2011....My mom was at home with hospice and my older sister and I were providing her primary care. I was with her when she died as well... Needless to say, I am kind of feeling like a bit of a freak. Saw a program or somethign a day or two later and someone on the show made the comment "I have never seen anyone die!" and it occurred to me..... I HAD!!!! Takling about the phases and transitions and such too... Has been hard and I really feel like I am the only one who has gone through this...So... if anyone else has this experience, please let me know... Just really alone and freaked out.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted June 2, 2011 Members Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 I am new to this site and have been sort of in a fog since my mom passed May 18th, 2011....My mom was at home with hospice and my older sister and I were providing her primary care. I was with her when she died as well... Needless to say, I am kind of feeling like a bit of a freak. Saw a program or somethign a day or two later and someone on the show made the comment "I have never seen anyone die!" and it occurred to me..... I HAD!!!! Takling about the phases and transitions and such too... Has been hard and I really feel like I am the only one who has gone through this...So... if anyone else has this experience, please let me know... Just really alone and freaked out.... Hi Smkileydavis,I am very sorry to hear about your mother. I know it was hard. I took care of my mother in law in my home when she died of breast cancer, and I helped my mom and sisters care for my father when he died at home. Hospice was there for us both times. I have seen people die, and I know how traumatic that can be. If you want to talk about it, I will be here for you. While the experience was horrible to deal with, I wouldn't have wanted to miss it. I felt so connected to life and the entire cycle of life as I was going through this. It was so surreal and almost like I wasn't me throughout both ordeals. Does that make any sense? It took awhile for the fog to lift afterwards. ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members smkileydavis Posted June 2, 2011 Author Members Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 Thank you for the response....I get what you mean... I have told people it was the most horrible AND the most wonderful experience of my life caring for my mom in those last days/week.... I don't know if I am distancing myself by focusing on the process... She "started" dying on May 13th and was "through the transtion" that Sunday... And took her last breath on May 18th a little after 7:00 am.... I was in the room... Had just given her 7am meds and had turned to wash my hands in her sink when it happened... I turned back and she was "still" (if you get what I mean). Was a completely different presentation from the apnea she had been having (and that apnea would freak us out... "Is this it?!?!?!")... It was sort of calm... I went up and put my head on her chest and heard nothing, just went so quick.... Anyway, I ramble....Thanks for letting me know I am not alone...I have been so moved by this I have considered voluteering to do the death vigil for the hospice... The thought of people going through that alone is just sad to me... But taking the advice of my friends, I will wait a while before I make that commitment....I guess the rambling must be normal....Thanks again!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted June 3, 2011 Members Report Share Posted June 3, 2011 Thank you for the response....I get what you mean... I have told people it was the most horrible AND the most wonderful experience of my life caring for my mom in those last days/week.... I don't know if I am distancing myself by focusing on the process... She "started" dying on May 13th and was "through the transtion" that Sunday... And took her last breath on May 18th a little after 7:00 am.... I was in the room... Had just given her 7am meds and had turned to wash my hands in her sink when it happened... I turned back and she was "still" (if you get what I mean). Was a completely different presentation from the apnea she had been having (and that apnea would freak us out... "Is this it?!?!?!")... It was sort of calm... I went up and put my head on her chest and heard nothing, just went so quick.... Anyway, I ramble....Thanks for letting me know I am not alone...I have been so moved by this I have considered voluteering to do the death vigil for the hospice... The thought of people going through that alone is just sad to me... But taking the advice of my friends, I will wait a while before I make that commitment....I guess the rambling must be normal....Thanks again!!!The horrible rattle or apnea that my dad and MIL experienced nearly undid us. We kept freaking out thinking "this is it!" When they both died, however, it was sudden and peaceful. They both took what sounded like a deep breath and then went still. I commend you for thinking about volunteering to do the death vigil. I am not sure I could do that because it's sooooo profoundly deep and almost a spiritual experience. Ramble away--I am a good listener. When my mother in law was at the end of her life, about two and a half weeks away, I kept asking the nurses how long they thought she had. I read everything they gave us, and we were consumed with talking about where she was at in the process. When my father died, we knew where he was at because we had just experienced it the year before. In some ways, it made his passing almost more painful because I was fully aware and experienced in what to watch for and what was coming. ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Zee87 Posted June 16, 2011 Members Report Share Posted June 16, 2011 Hey-We had my mom at an actual hospice center because she didn't want to go home. I came that day and found her sleeping, barely able to open her eyes. She kept asking me what was going on and why was she so tired. I knew right away what was going to happen. She passed away around midnight that night and that whole day felt like eternity. Our whole family gathered by afternoon and we sat there. The last hour or so her breathing started to change, it was less frequent and became louder. I held her hand and told her I loved her and made promises. Every breath she took made my hear stop because I didn't know if it was going to be the last one. The last breath she took was unbearable. I remember yelling for the nurse and then everything became a blur. I don't remember much after that but I know I didn't want to leave her. I'm 23, and I miss her every day. Sometimes I wish it was someone else, but you can't runaway from faith. You are not alone and this place is safe and others are here to listen ("read"). I am new to this site and have been sort of in a fog since my mom passed May 18th, 2011....My mom was at home with hospice and my older sister and I were providing her primary care. I was with her when she died as well... Needless to say, I am kind of feeling like a bit of a freak. Saw a program or somethign a day or two later and someone on the show made the comment "I have never seen anyone die!" and it occurred to me..... I HAD!!!! Takling about the phases and transitions and such too... Has been hard and I really feel like I am the only one who has gone through this...So... if anyone else has this experience, please let me know... Just really alone and freaked out.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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