My lost my dad two days ago. I feel numb.

[RoseDW]

It feel like I'm living a nightmare and I want so badly to wake up. Last Thursday at around 9pm, my dad was feeling weird. He was a chronic smoker and thought his symptoms were lung/breathing related and refused to go to the hospital thinking that he could sleep it off. My mom raced over to him and was rubbing oil on his chest all night hoping to soothe him. By morning, he was extremely weak and was rushed into surgery at around 11am but by then, the damage was already done. Turns out that he had a massive heart attack. He was in a coma for six days before passing. I feel so sad/guilty/depressed/anguished/angry/disappointed that I didn't get to see him while he was conscious. I prayed to God every night hoping that he would get better. I was so sure that he was going to recover and everything was going to be alright. On his sixth and last day, I planned on saying goodbye since things weren't looking good. He passed while I was at school and taking my Spanish final exam. I didn't learn of his passing until a hour so after the fact. I wish things could have been different. If I warned him earlier about his health. If he recognized his symptoms and gone to the hospital sooner he could be around now. I regret not telling him enough how much I loved him and that I didn't get to say goodbye while he was about to pass. When I wake up and go on about my day, it feels like my heart is being squeezed and I'm out of breath. I feel so lost and dazed. My mom used to skype with him every night but now she doesn't know what to do. I feel like I'm about lose it when I see his grey photo on skype knowing that it will never be colorful again. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm scared for my family and how will get recover financially and go on without the other half of the pillar.

[ModKonnie]

It feel like I'm living a nightmare and I want so badly to wake up. Last Thursday at around 9pm, my dad was feeling weird. He was a chronic smoker and thought his symptoms were lung/breathing related and refused to go to the hospital thinking that he could sleep it off. My mom raced over to him and was rubbing oil on his chest all night hoping to soothe him. By morning, he was extremely weak and was rushed into surgery at around 11am but by then, the damage was already done. Turns out that he had a massive heart attack. He was in a coma for six days before passing. I feel so sad/guilty/depressed/anguished/angry/disappointed that I didn't get to see him while he was conscious. I prayed to God every night hoping that he would get better. I was so sure that he was going to recover and everything was going to be alright. On his sixth and last day, I planned on saying goodbye since things weren't looking good. He passed while I was at school and taking my Spanish final exam. I didn't learn of his passing until a hour so after the fact. I wish things could have been different. If I warned him earlier about his health. If he recognized his symptoms and gone to the hospital sooner he could be around now. I regret not telling him enough how much I loved him and that I didn't get to say goodbye while he was about to pass. When I wake up and go on about my day, it feels like my heart is being squeezed and I'm out of breath. I feel so lost and dazed. My mom used to skype with him every night but now she doesn't know what to do. I feel like I'm about lose it when I see his grey photo on skype knowing that it will never be colorful again. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm scared for my family and how will get recover financially and go on without the other half of the pillar.

Rose,

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your father. Try your best not to beat yourself up mentally and take the blame for something you couldn't have stopped. He knew you loved him just as you knew he loved you. I know things are rough right now, but they will get better. Your family will have a few tough times ahead of them, but stick together and work together and you will all make it through this tragedy. When my father died (it will be two years in August), things fell apart for awhile, but they are getting better all the time.

While you will always miss your father, the severe pain and anguish you feel will subside. Just keep moving forward. Are you getting any sleep or are you eating anything? Remember to try to drink plenty of water. I know that sounds silly, but it does help.

We will be here to support you.

ModKonnie

[RoseDW]

Thanks Konnie. Your kind words are very much appreciated. Things have settled down somewhat and my dad's burial is tomorrow. Although it still hurts, things are nowhere near as painful as the first couple of days. There isn't much I can do except continue grieving and hope for a brighter tomorrow. My dad was silly and upbeat. He would have wanted us to be strong and happy. He was a wonderful man and he will be missed by many. Thanks again!

[ModKonnie]

Thanks Konnie. Your kind words are very much appreciated. Things have settled down somewhat and my dad's burial is tomorrow. Although it still hurts, things are nowhere near as painful as the first couple of days. There isn't much I can do except continue grieving and hope for a brighter tomorrow. My dad was silly and upbeat. He would have wanted us to be strong and happy. He was a wonderful man and he will be missed by many. Thanks again!

Rose,

I am so glad to hear that things feel somewhat calmer for you. I know this is a very tough time to get through. Feel free to come talk to us as much as you want. We will be here for you.

ModKonnie