Members macnewby04 Posted April 18, 2011 Members Report Share Posted April 18, 2011 I don't usually look to the internet for any help, but right now I'd take advice from anyone on how to deal with the stress of loss and pain. I guess here is the part where I explain my situation and apologize if this comes out fragmented. I've been caring for my wife for about three years now. She became ill in 2008 and for the longest time we had no idea what was wrong. She's been to at least 20 different doctors and specialists, and the only information that we've received is that she has some sort of thyroid disorder. She has become progressively worse and I have been taking care of her throughout the entire illness, from doing the household chores to cooking to making sure she has company. She was forced to quit her job (which she loved) and has been home since. Recently due to the stress and frustrations of her illness, she has become worried about harming herself. We are both young and I know that a lack of prognosis is killing her. The doctors have no projection of when she may improve, if ever. She's been on several separate medications and nothing helps. She's lost weight and color, and generally has a poor quality of life. I have an intensive and stressfull career which causes me to be working almost constantly and I know this is hard on her, although she wouldn't tell me that. We are in and out of the hospital often. Financially this has been stressfull as well and we've downgraded our lifestyle dramatically and still don't have enough to take care of the bills. This makes my wife feel worthless and like she isn't contrubiting.Last week I was contacted and told that my mother, whom I'm estranged from, passed away. Long story short, she left my father, sister and I when I was very young for another man. I've had very limited contact with her, until about two years ago when we established an e-mail contact with each other. We spoke up until her new husband passed away. From there, she stopped e-mailing me and did not return my e-mails. I made the trip 1500 miles away (on a credit card, mind you) with my sister to take care of the funeral details. Upon arriving, I found that the life she described to me as hers was not her life in reality. My sister and I ended up footing the funeral bill as there was no life insurance- which we still owe. To make matters worse, her side of the family ransacked her home before we arrived, removing anything of worth and value from the home and draining the only bank account she had. I thought that showing up to take care of the details would give me closure on a relationship that was so fractured. The only thing that it gave me was more anger and resentment. I was given a copy of the coroner's report that strongly suggests that she ended her life. This information only compounds the issue. I returned home to take care of my wife and the rest of the estate details and am working closely with the local police where she passed away to take care of some legal issues surrounding her death and missing property. I've had to hire an attorney that I can't afford. I'm behind on all of my bills, with no hope for extra income. I'm paying for my mother's mistakes in death now even more than her mistakes while living. My job is becoming even more stressful. People at work and friends offer their condolences, saying "So sorry about your mom! How did she die? You know, if there's anything we can do..." Although their intentions are good, it's hard to explain that she's my mother, not my mom, and to explain that she ended her life and didn't die from an accident or illness. Furthermore, I have to return to my wife and be the rock that she needs and full of optimism that she may get better soon and that it's okay if she can't work right now. I'm even paying for one of her relative's to stay with us and take care of her when I'm at work so there is further financial stress and the stress of entertaining.All around, I'm stressed, grieving, angry, helpless, lost and...it's only beginning. Can anyone offer any advice or help outside of "God has a plan" and "She's in heaven, so everything's ok"?I definitely woudl appreciate it. Thanks, Mac Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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