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my heart is empty


michelleann

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michelleann

My mom was in Aruba when she started having problems breathing. She ended up having Luikemia her heart stopped while in the airport on her way home. My Step dad got her home on a special plain. her body fought hard for her life. We did not know at the time that when her heart stopped her brain was completly damaged. We lost her Feb. 28th. We had to let her go. She made me promise that she would not have to fight for her life again. 6 year before i gave her a kidney she was so ill before that. The next morning I got a phone call telling me that a good friend of mine died very sudden that night. It was way to much to take. The funerals were a day apart. I was doing ok until my freind who died wife come to my moms funeral. It felt like my heart just froze. I can not feel any emotions. I feel like I am on the edge of nerves and strange energy. I do not know how to feel again. And not sure if I want to. I am an only child. There were 3 people in my childhood who were my world my gram my cousin Bobby and my mom. They are all gone. I know I am rambling and spelling really badly but it is so hard to discribe the feeling. I do not think I even understand what I am feeling. Anyone who has an idea how I can get my head out of my but let me know.

Thanks,

Michelle

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eddiebrannon

Michelle - you are in the midst of a storm of emotions. I can not feel your pain because I have never lost my mother. However, I am a funeral director and pastor and I have been associated with people who have experienced similar loss for the past 32 years. There is no specific process of dealing with grief. However I do know that you can't go around, under or over it - you have to go through it. I have had many individuals to tell me, you never get over a loss of a loved one but TIME does help you to process your grief and emotions and hopefully arrive at a point in your life where you can live with your loss, love, laugh again and cherish the many memories that you own of your mother.

Pastor Eddie - Georgia

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My mom was in Aruba when she started having problems breathing. She ended up having Luikemia her heart stopped while in the airport on her way home. My Step dad got her home on a special plain. her body fought hard for her life. We did not know at the time that when her heart stopped her brain was completly damaged. We lost her Feb. 28th. We had to let her go. She made me promise that she would not have to fight for her life again. 6 year before i gave her a kidney she was so ill before that. The next morning I got a phone call telling me that a good friend of mine died very sudden that night. It was way to much to take. The funerals were a day apart. I was doing ok until my freind who died wife come to my moms funeral. It felt like my heart just froze. I can not feel any emotions. I feel like I am on the edge of nerves and strange energy. I do not know how to feel again. And not sure if I want to. I am an only child. There were 3 people in my childhood who were my world my gram my cousin Bobby and my mom. They are all gone. I know I am rambling and spelling really badly but it is so hard to discribe the feeling. I do not think I even understand what I am feeling. Anyone who has an idea how I can get my head out of my but let me know.

Thanks,

Michelle

Michelle,

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother and your friend. Your losses are fresh, and your grief is overwhelming at this point. It is enough that you are still able to write--we don't care if you ramble or misspell things. We understand the anguish you are experiencing because many of us have experienced similar losses.

In time, you will stop feeling that weird numbness and "other worldliness" and will be able to move forward. For now, just try to get through a little at a time. I'm sure you are feeling confused, dazed, lost and uncertain. Do you have friends to support you?

ModKonnie

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