Members LeannC45 Posted May 30, 2019 Members Report Posted May 30, 2019 It has been a while since I have even logged onto this site to read any posts. I am at one year and five months since I lost my husband. I use to be obsessed with this site because it is filled with people that understand exactly how hard and excruciating this journey is. It helped me to "move forward". I have decided that I am not moving past or moving on because to me those terms sound like I am leaving something behind. I am "moving forward with". I am moving forward with the love I have for my husband, I am moving forward with every gift he gave me from being in my life for almost 18 years, I am moving forward changed forever in a way that only your love being ripped away can leave you. I am moving forward with grace, prayer, meditation, friendship, self awareness, self care and by the skin of my teeth at times. I send all of us here hope for bright spots and faith that the rest of your days can hold joy and be bright.
Moderators KayC Posted May 30, 2019 Moderators Report Posted May 30, 2019 Leann, the term "moving on" always bothered me for the same reason, it sounds like we're leaving them behind and that could never be the case, he's always in my heart and on my mind. I use the term "continue" just like you use "moving forward with". Sometimes choice of words really do make a difference, especially with such a sensitive area. 4 hours ago, LeannC45 said: I am moving forward with grace, prayer, meditation, friendship, self awareness, self care and by the skin of my teeth at times. Good for you! And thank you for your hope for all of us. It's hard to believe it's been that long since you were here, I remember your one year mark like it was yesterday. Time can sure play tricks on our minds.
Members LeannC45 Posted May 30, 2019 Author Members Report Posted May 30, 2019 2 minutes ago, KayC said: Leann, the term "moving on" always bothered me for the same reason, it sounds like we're leaving them behind and that could never be the case, he's always in my heart and on my mind. I use the term "continue" just like you use "moving forward with". Sometimes choice of words really do make a difference, especially with such a sensitive area. Good for you! And thank you for your hope for all of us. It's hard to believe it's been that long since you were here, I remember your one year mark like it was yesterday. Time can sure play tricks on our minds. Thank you KayC you have always been so supportive to me personally and every one else on this site. It is through your journey that we all can see that life evolves and we find a new purpose. Thanks so much. ;o)
Members tlc Posted May 31, 2019 Members Report Posted May 31, 2019 OMG LeannC45, I relate so much to your description of where you are. The love that our partners gave us, how that loved changed our life in such a good way has changed us forever. It has been thirteen months since I lost my love and the pain is still as gut wrenching as it was initially. I just don't cry quite as much. Pain is still really severe in my heart. I too meditate every day and am trying to be reflective, and be an observer of my life as it goes forward. I have come to realise that I am changed forever (at least my forever) and for me this is a time for me to experience solitude, reflection and prepare for whatever it is that is to come. It's difficult at times because I am so lonely but lonely for my love and our life together. You are in my thoughts and I send you hugs.
Members Billie Rae Posted May 31, 2019 Members Report Posted May 31, 2019 Leannec45Thank you.this brings me comfort,I know my Charlie will always be in my heart,and as I may have another 20 years I must also move forward.I hope to do so as you have,with grace and kindness.Love to youBillieSent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app
Members foreverhis Posted May 31, 2019 Members Report Posted May 31, 2019 7 hours ago, tlc said: It's difficult at times because I am so lonely but lonely for my love and our life together. That's exactly how I feel. It's not that I am afraid of being alone. It's that I hate so much being alone because my husband is not by my side. I'd be just as lonely if I had a house full of people. Actually, I pretty much am as lonely when I have people visiting. They're mostly a distraction, even the people I love the most. I have no one to share all the little bits of my life now. No one to bandage a boo-boo or tell me I'm special or share a laugh over something ridiculous that's funny only to us. Most days I feel like my life is all on the surface now. I suppose part of that is the way our society expects us to "put on the brave face" and "be strong" so that our grieving doesn't bother other people. I can't say I haven't laughed or smiled since he died. I can't even say I haven't had good moments because I have. But nothing touches me the way life did before. I drift through the days trying to find some meaning and reason. Some days I do better than others. I have several really difficult days coming up through the summer. I honestly have no idea how I will react to them. I suppose we don't until they happen. It's heartening to know that others are working on moving forward (not "moving on"!) in as positive a way as they can. Only time will tell for any of us, but hope is not something to take lightly or ignore.
Members Sunflower2 Posted May 31, 2019 Members Report Posted May 31, 2019 On 5/30/2019 at 1:53 PM, LeannC45 said: I am "moving forward with". I am moving forward with the love I have for my husband, I am moving forward with every gift he gave me from being in my life for almost 18 years, I am moving forward changed forever in a way that only your love being ripped away can leave you. I am moving forward with grace, prayer, meditation, friendship, self awareness, self care and by the skin of my teeth at times. I send all of us here hope for bright spots and faith that the rest of your days can hold joy and be bright. You always share so much from your heart in the most uplifting way. Yes, always in grace, prayer, meditation, friendship, self care and self awareness. I thank you! ~Sunflower~
Members Sunflower2 Posted May 31, 2019 Members Report Posted May 31, 2019 13 hours ago, tlc said: I too meditate every day and am trying to be reflective, and be an observer of my life as it goes forward. Beautiful!
Members ModKatB Posted June 1, 2019 Members Report Posted June 1, 2019 In some ways we move forward because we have to. The world around us didn't stop like our lives did, it kept marching on. It has been 15 months since I lost Billy and I still miss him and wish he was still here with me. I am finally able to have happy moments and to know that it is okay to smile and laugh without feeling guilty. Learning to be me is still an ongoing process but each day that goes by is one more step toward whatever life has in store for me. You never forget, you never stop missing them, but there is hope for future happiness.
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