Feeling lost

[ivories_619]

I don’t know why I’m writing here. All I know is that I haven’t quite felt myself lately, and I want it to change. Loss of course, is a part of life. In my line of work I am very aware conscious of this. It is something we all experience over time.

Naturally, I am an introvert. I do better with listening than expressing my feelings. The problem with this is I need an outlet, and I believe I have let my grief manifest over time into something I cannot control anymore.

Most recently lost my grandfather, who I grew up with as a child. He was the closest family member I had. He suffered from dementia these last few months, and I tried to help my grandma navigate the options she had but felt unsuccessful in doing so. He withered away. My grandma is having a hard time now and I don’t know how to be supportive of her.

I don’t feel motivated, I feel withdrawn, I’m having difficulty sleeping, and am eating emotionally. I’m trying so hard and thought I was doing alright - pushing myself, mentally preparing myself for his decline/death - but I feel like a zombie anymore. I feel haunted by nightmares when I do sleep, dreams of trying to save his remains from a church fire from his funeral. The most little details in real life overwhelm my memories with sudden crashes of emotions. Any suggestions with how to get over this mountain of grieving?