My Mum

[emm23]

If anyone reads this thank you.

last year in about march my mother started to develop this awful cough, it had her up through the night. In about April she went the hospital about it. In may half term my mum went the hospital with my big sister N (16 years older than me) coming back saying she has an unidentified object obstructing her bile duct, the doctors said it could be cancerous however may also not be they said if it was cancer they could do a small operation and she should be cured. over the summer holidays she was still coming on days out with my older brothers and sister and I however did not come on many but she was 56 with severe arthritis in both of her knees so we didn't expect her to be running and jumping round the park like us, we didn't go on holiday last year because we were waiting for our test results which never came back they always said she was a mystery and sort of fobbed her off leaving her to go home. one time my mum went in for a biopsy and her twin sister G took us to the hospital we waited for about an hour with my mum then she was called in they said she could be up to 4 hours and to go home and wait for her there (I don't know why I did as 7 years earlier when I was in every month for operations she never went home) my aunt G took me for some food and after finishing my food at home my aunt G was called by my mum saying her breathing and heart rate was too high so instead of sending her to a&e they sent her home. On the Sunday before I was going back to school after coming home from a party at my sisters B on my dads side I found out not from my dad but my nan that my mother had admitted her self to hospital after finding it difficult to breath so we went the hospital. on Monday I was visiting the hospital most was fine they couldn't find much and she was not on a ward. On Tuesday I went straight form school to the hospital and my mum asked my sister N to ask me to go home before going to the hospital and eat something first so my sister told me to. On Wednesday I did and also had an argument with my dad he was adamant that despite being pissed he could go see his girl-friend after my nan telling me my mum felt embarrassed by him he still went in even more drunk he had decided to go to every pub along the way. Then on Thursday I went to the hospital a bit later and played on my iPad and phone the whole time I was there instead of talking to my mum. then on Friday I left school and went straight home ate something then decided I would go to the later visiting time so walked round town for a little bit then went to the local library soon after I entered I got a phone call off my brother P saying I needed to get to the hospital and he was coming to pick me up (the hospital and library was about a 5 minute drive away. I started crying assuming the worst and a worker at the museum seen me and tried to comfort me. I then received another phone call from my brother P saying that she had died my knees felt weak and I felt like I wanted to collapse. About 5 minutes later he had met me he decided to walk. I was met by brother T and sister-in-law A trying to comfort me then my cousin J saying how I was only alive because my mother stood by my side. my sister N told me to carry on doing what I was doing to make my mother proud. my brother L was informed who I have never met. The head nurse came in and asked me (seen as I was only 15) if I wanted to see her and how it was optional and made it very clear what was going on and what was going to happen I decided I was going to see her and my brother T pleaded with me not to see her and how she is not the same as she was when she was alive however my nan said how it should be my choice and how he can not ask me not to seen as I am almost an adult. so I went to see her with my brother and he said again how she's not the same as when she was alive and how she was cold I held her hand and her hands were always cold I kept thinking I could see her breathing. we stayed there till about 11 pm it was devastating to me. 

 

I don't know what I want from this maybe just someone to talk to I don't know

[reader]

Dear Emm,

You are a very brave young lady.  I am so sorry for your loss and everything you have been through with your mum. I know its really hard.

I wanted to let you know we are all with you. I know the pain and sorrow is very intense.

I hope you will consider seeking out more supports in the community, through school or church. Surround yourself with as many loving people as you can.

And know you can write to us here as well.

Sending all my thoughts and prayers. Thinking of you.

[sadandlost]

Dear Emm23,

I am so sorry for your loss.  A terrible and traumatic shock.  Its going to be very hard to absorb and process for a long time.  I still find it hard to believe my mother has gone and its been 2 yrs now.  Losing a mother is brutal and I don't know that we ever completely recover.  I hope you can use this forum to write and connect with others.  We have all been through the same and its hard for all of us.  We know the pain and shock you're going through.  I hope you have someone else a family member or a friend that you can also talk to because its important.  The process is too difficult without that.    Thinking of you.

[nuvar]

Dear Emm23, I read your post and wish to convey my condolences.

It's tough to go through what you did and we can all understand. Remember that your mum would have wanted you to do the right things and make the right decisions... as a doctor friend put it to me - her blood runs in you and her legacy is continued in you. Be the person she would have wanted you to be.

You do need people around you to be with you at this moment, I hope you are able to find some closer friends, relatives to stand by you. Reach out to them and ask for help.

Please know that our thoughts and wishes are with you at the moment and do feel free to continue to post, we will respond whenever we can.