First Birthday & Anniversary Without Him

[LostGirl39]

Hi everyone. Just checking in. Well, today I celebrated my 40th birthday without my love. It also would have been our 18th anniversary today. Yes, we met on my birthday. Today hasn’t been easy. It brought it home that he’s really not coming back to me. He was always the first one to tell me “Happy Birthday”. I kept expecting him to wake me up this morning. Despite missing him terribly, I’ve been able to somehow celebrate this new milestone. My brother & sister-in-law have made today a little joyous. My brother made a big dinner for me & we’re continuing the celebration tomorrow by going out to the movies & a few other things. I’m grateful for them right now. I didn’t feel so alone today. I’m still not okay but the past few days have been a little easier. Since I had the dream about the rainbow, I’ve been feeling a little more hopeful about the future. And I finally feel like he’s okay & at peace now. The hard part is still trying to figure out how to live without him. But today I’m choosing to celebrate him & our love as well as this new chapter in my life. I miss my “old man” ( my nickname for him; he was 14 years older than me) but I know that he’s still with me & always will be. I made it through another life event without him. I’m kinda proud of myself for holding it together. Anyway, thanks for lending an ear once again. I wanted to share this small step for me. 

[foreverhis]

2 hours ago, LostGirl39 said:

I’m kinda proud of myself for holding it together. Anyway, thanks for lending an ear once again. I wanted to share this small step for me. 

I've got to tell you, I'm proud of you too.  I had my first birthday without him last summer, but it was only 3 weeks after he died.  One day was as bad as the next.  My sister and her hubby sent me a beautiful bouquet from a local florist.  That's not something we typically do in our family, but she was desperate to do something sweet for me.  I received a second beautiful bouquet a few days later simply because one rose died prematurely and the florist decided that was unacceptable.  She knew my situation and decided I needed more beauty.

I made it through his birthday only 3 weeks after that in basically the same way because one day was just as bad as the next.  I received phone calls, emails, texts, and an adorable picture of my sister's puppy.

But now it's a new year and I am dreading the next several months.  Each month has at least one day that will rip my heart out.  I will keep your strength in mind as I near each one.

I'm going to wish you a happy birthday, even though I know that "happy" is a relative terms for us.  I'm glad you've got support to help you through it.

[KayC]

I'm glad you made it through your birthday and very glad you had someone there that made the day special for you.  I think he'll always be an integral part of your birthday, having met him then...my George always made my birthdays special and my first one without him was really hard, no one said happy birthday to me and I cried myself to sleep...not because no one remembered but because the disparity of his placing me #1 and what I had after he died was so hugely different!  We will always miss them but it's to be coveted to figure out how to do this in a way we can handle, understood that it's a tall order and takes much time...