My mom died

[Lambo]

I get just get over the fact that my mom died , i have only told one person and just cant get my self

[tessa]

Hi Lambo,
I'm so sorry for your loss. Would you like to tell us about it, how you feel, what happened?
You're safe here, we have all been through the same experience.

[Nanimonai]

Hello Lambo

I am in a very similar situation to you, since it barely has been two days since my mother died.

If there is one thing I am utterly convinced of is the helpful nature of trying your best to let it out. Your thoughts, your emotions, try to find ways in which to set them free. Write them down, draw, talk to people, maybe google for grief counseling and contact whatever results are around you. I myself have been prone to bottle up nearly everything emotional within myself over the years and I feel almost ashamed that it took this traumatic event of my own to shake me loose of that damaging habit. I have since contacted more people in the last few days than I had in the last year.

And while I didn't tell just everybody of those I contacted about my situation, I did talk to them about meeting up, or talking about what I would like to do in the coming days and weeks. For example I spontaneously decided to visit my local optometrist and made an appointment during which they will tell me what kind of options they have for contact lenses. Something I had thought about doing for years, maybe a decade by now, but never did. I might not even end up actually buying any, but the mere act of having gone out there, making the appointment, talking to people and being able to look forward to learn something new, even if it is such a trivial thing as crazily colored contact lenses felt good, felt positive.

So ... try to go out there and connect to people and with "out there" I am not only referring to the outside world, but of course also here. Feel free to talk to us in here as much or little as you feel ready to. Whenever you want to talk, we will be here.

[reader]

Dear Lambo,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am very sorry for your loss.

Losing a beloved parent is very raw. Please don't be hard on yourself. It's going to be hard for a long time.

Do what you feel is right for yourself. And if you want to try and connect with a trusted friend or family member or consider talking to grief counsellor or joining a support group through church or the community.

Thinking of you.

[nuvar]

hi Lambo, condolences to you and your family. It is a difficult period and no one knows how long it would be for each person as grieving is a different process for everyone. Some prefer to keep it to themselves and get over it quickly while most others I would say, prefer to speak to someone they can trust.

Try to reach out to your friends and families first, if you are unable to get to them, try speaking to a health professional/counsellor and ask for their advice. In the meantime, take the time to grieve then do some activities like watering plants, going for a walk, things that can help to you to adjust or clear your mind for a time being. 

Otherwise, you can let out your sadness, frustrations here and we will try to help... as we are all in similar situation.

Our thoughts are with you.

[Lambo]

I naturally do not know how to love even if i try  , so to lose my mom is just disheartening . i don't think my life can be  a 100% again

[nuvar]

Yes life can never be 100% whole again when you lose someone that important. Someone who is the rock, the anchor and the go-to person when we fall down and when we are happy, sad, angry she'll always be there for us. It's painful but she is still with us. But life was never meant to be 100%, u just have to make do and grit your teeth and go through the trials and tribulations even though they seem insurmountable and absurd.

Simply because there is no other way. You learn to make the best out of what % you started with and what you are left.

It largely depends on your perspectives, a cup can be half full or half empty, sounds cliche. You have to define your own direction........ your mum would have wanted you to be independent and make the decisions yourself, through what she imparted you and taught you. She would agree with your decisions.

You have to try and soldier on, no matter how tough or how long it takes. It would have been what your mum wanted. Remember that her blood runs through you, and her legacy is continued in you. Your mum would have wanted you to live on and be great in things that you loved to do, to try harder and learn to be a role model to your child or some other child or someone who needs you further on in life

[Lambo]

Thanks a lot you don't know how this helped

[Nicole-my grief journey]

Lambo,

Thinking of you and sending thoughts of love and support to surround you. I am so sorry and sad for your loss. I know it can feel like you may not know how to love, but you loved your mom and were loving with her and so, deep down inside you, the groundwork to know how to love is there. Even if you don’t feel that way right now, even when you feel fears about the future, it is there and life puts people in our paths when we least expect it and that draws it out of us naturally. As an introvert and much of a loner (except for the bond with my mom), I have felt like I’m not sure how to connect to others, form lasting bonds with others outside my family and in general...feel like, who can I trust and who will be there for me? I feel it more than ever since my mom has passed, and so what I do now is work on loving myself and being my own anchor. I don’t do it perfectly and it’s more than hard with grief...but I work on it by taking care of myself and my needs the best that I can (mind, body and spirit). Things like knowing it’s ok to cry and feel my other emotions, getting rest, eating something (this has been diffcult with my grief, but I started buying small healthy snacks like yogurt, almonds, protein bars), showering (so hard when feeling paralyzed by grief), getting out in the sun for a walk, sharing on the forum, and making therapy a priority ( I hit obstacles when searching for the right therapist at first, but I refused to give up because losing a mom is so painful and I have one that I like now and it holds me accountable to show up for something that will help me and it gives me a safe space to talk). I do my best to practice kindness with others when I venture out. I try to be how my mom raised me and treat others as she did and it helps me to know she is in my heart always. The yearning for her constantly is still in me, but I let myself cry and feel my feelings, hoping my grief will transorm into a softer landing about the loss. Small examples I try and practice are being nice to people at checkout counters, holding the door for people, nodding to passers by and speaking about my grieving process to those who have less time than I do in their grief journey. Sharing is good for all of us and it helps so many even if we don’t realize it. For now though, don’t put a lot of pressure on yourself. Be gentle with yourself and go hour by hour. Try not to think too far a head. Just know we are all thinking of you and you have our support while you are navigating this profound loss.