The silly things I do

[foreverhis]

Yesterday, I was browsing around looking for something to have on in the background on TV.  I happened upon the movie Calendar Girls.  "Oh, that was sweet.  We liked it.  It will do."

What the heck was I thinking?  It is a sweet and touching movie, but how on earth did I not think about the fact that the whole basis for it was a woman losing her beloved husband to cancer?  (Slaps self upside the head.) 

I kept it on though because I really like the cast and it's so well done.  But when they got to the scene where the woman who lost her husband says something like, "Don't you know I'd rob every penny to have one more hour with him?"  I lost it, just flat lost it.  I have said and meant that I would give every penny we had and live in a camper the rest of our lives if it meant my love could be restored to health again.  The thing is that I wouldn't want that hour if it meant he lived even one more hour in pain and so ill.  I am not that selfish, but I sure know what she meant by that.

Anyway, what kind of silly goose doesn't remember the basic premise of a movie she watched twice before with her beloved husband?

[JES]

I can understand that so well..its hard to remember what we did 5 minutes ago let alone a movie from ( before all this). I flip through tv channels endlessly, end up weather or Hgtv channel...or something for the noise. I can't watch shows he enjoyed,  we started watching series on Netflix, will I ever be able to finish them? I have my doubts....  I also cannot enjoy music, a big love of both of ours.  I hope this changes someday or my " new life" will be very bland.   I also have little story from yesterday, off topic from this, sorry...  I ran into person I know alittle who knew my husband had passed and had offered condolences afew months ago. Well, she came up to me, and told me her husband had just passed away, and I just knew the look, the bewilderment, the "I get what you are going through",  the understanding.  It just changes our lives in an instant. I felt so bad for her and for all of us who are going through this.  We are definitely in a sad little group of our own.  Hugs to all.

[KayC]

I canceled my tv cable when George died, didn't watch tv for years afterwards.  Don't fault yourself for not remembering, our brains aren't up to par in early grief.  Just look at it like this, you could relate to her...so can I.  I would gladly live under a bridge with George, if only I could have him back!

[foreverhis]

5 hours ago, foreverhis said:

 

I don't know how I managed to post this.  Must have hit the wrong button.  Sorry.

[foreverhis]

@JES  No need to apologize about taking a slight curve on the topic.  Such a sad story that she now "gets it" because it has happened to her.  I hope you have suggested she joint us here. 

A friend of mine has another friend who lost her husband 3 weeks ago.  My friend and I have a standing Thursday evening couple of hours together for a nosh, a glass of wine, and to watch a show we both like.  (Surprisingly, it's one my hubby found years ago that he and I loved, yet I'm perfectly okay with enjoying the new episodes of this one thing.)   She asked if this week she could bring her other friend and I said it would be fine.  The minute her other friend walked in the door I could see myself there.  It really is amazing how it changes us through and through.  I suggested she come here and read to see if it might be helpful to her.  She's very nice and very lost, so I hope she will.

[Billie Rae]

Wow are you guys in my brain?Charlie loved to fall asleep to forensic filesso we amazoned it,when he left we only had 3 more episodes and I can't watch them,I feel like if it ends he is really gone he once said oh no only 2 seasons left I guess I'll die then.I also can't put the Netflix on because it's still on continue watching for Charles.I deliberately put on shows he found boring.

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[foreverhis]

@Billie Rae  I've intentionally left our Netflix with his name on the "Who is watching?" icon.  We have a separate one for our granddaughter when she visits so that our "continue watching" isn't a list of her kid's movies and shows.  

I don't know, maybe leaving his name on that and some other non-legal things is a form of denial, but I think it's more another way to keep his memory alive in the day-to-day things.

Isn't it amazing how often it feels like we must have cameras in each other's homes?  So many similar experiences, thoughts, and feelings.

[Billie Rae]

[mention=412480]Billie Rae[/mention]  I've intentionally left our Netflix with his name on the "Who is watching?" icon.  We have a separate one for our granddaughter when she visits so that our "continue watching" isn't a list of her kid's movies and shows.  
I don't know, maybe leaving his name on that and some other non-legal things is a form of denial, but I think it's more another way to keep his memory alive in the day-to-day things.
Isn't it amazing how often it feels like we must have cameras in each other's homes?  So many similar experiences, thoughts, and feelings.

Yes it is!I also haven't turned off his cell and keep it charged and yesterday I sent thank you cards to his company and signed them love Billie and Charlie.oops.His daughter was here today and I let her drive his beloved truck it was so sweet to see her connect with him her favorite memories are of him coming home from work and climbing up on him in his truck.I also gave her his baby pictures and her grandmothers childhood pictures.The poor dear girl,her dad died,her brother died and her mother has been in and out of mental institutions for the last 28 years.She's a strong Amazing young woman.hugs

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[JES]

@Billie Rae@foreverhis.  It is amazing how we all do so many things the same...camera in my house now.  I also left Kevins name on who is watching icon...and it will stay there as long as I subscribe. Yet if we were to tell a ( normal ?/ ungrieving person ) some of the things we do, they would look at us as if we were losing it. Well, I guess we have lost our minds alittle here but at least we' re all good company for each other. @foreverhis  I didnt get too much time to talk to this lady who lost husband but hope to see her again and will recommend this site.  

[JES]

@Billie Rae  I have his cell phone on too. I can't bear to shut it off....almost like it keeps him here...and I can text him if I need too.  I am so glad you got to share with his daughter, memories and pictures. How sweet!   I still sign cards with both our names, and put alittle heart next to Kevins name.  When I gave granddaughter bday card a month after he passed I signed only my name, and told everyone I didn't know what to do. I got the card handed back to me and someone grabbed a pen and they all said "put his name on it".  And I have done it ever since. 

[Billie Rae]

@jes I'm so used to doing everything as Billie and Charlie I don't think I can break the habit.I text and call his phone so I can see the icon.He wasn't good at technology but once I showed him talk to text and Google he wad hooked,wouldn't read a book but he'd read Google news and then I put the Netflix app on and he would go to work an hour early so he could watch[emoji23]

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[JES]

@Billie Rae How nice that you did that for him. Kevin didn't like to text but had Ipad he enjoyed. His phone only a tracfone but has many minutes left. I still don't use his Ipad much or computer,  easier for me to use my phone or landline these days.  My pups ready for bed ( think Im 2 hrs. ahead from most on here) and were getting hammered with snow again so need to get some sleep. Hopefully we all have some good dreams tonite. Love and hugs. Jeanne

[Billie Rae]

Have a sweet night.they are saying we are in for another 4"

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